


War Never Changes

by datlenschen



Category: Supernatural
Genre: Additional Warnings In Author's Note, Alternate Universe - Fallout (Video Games) Setting, Anal Fingering, Anal Sex, Angst with a Happy Ending, Blow Jobs, Canon-Typical Violence, Castiel and Dean Winchester Use Their Words, Comfortably Bisexual Dean Winchester, Coming Out, Communication, Drug Abuse, Falling In Love, Fallout Video Game References, First Time, Fluff, Fluff and Smut, Friends to Lovers, Gay Castiel (Supernatural), Happy Ending, Horses, Implied/Referenced Homophobia, M/M, Oral Sex, Other Additional Tags to Be Added, Rimming, Secrets, Slow Burn, Smut, Surprises, Tags Are Fun, Teacher Castiel (Supernatural), Top Castiel/Bottom Dean Winchester, True Love, Virgin Castiel (Supernatural)
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-11-29
Updated: 2021-03-07
Packaged: 2021-03-09 19:20:40
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 29
Words: 53,180
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27781408
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/datlenschen/pseuds/datlenschen
Summary: Although the story takes place in the Fallout universe, you don't have to know the games.Castiel Novak was born before the Great War. He got into Vault 111 by mistake. Coincidentally, that’s the Vault designed to observe the effects of long-term cryogenic suspended animation on unsuspecting test subjects. Suddenly, Castiel wakes up, finding the other cryo-capsules empty. Confused, he leaves the vault and sees himself standing in front of a whole different world.Dean Winchester was born a long time after the Great War. He was raised in a hopeless world and learned how to deal with raiders, mirelurks and deathclaws at an early age. He lives in the small village called Sanctuary. He just thinks that maybe, life is getting a little less bad after the past events but then a confused, helpless, and odd-looking guy crashes into his life.
Relationships: Castiel & Dean Winchester, Castiel/Dean Winchester
Comments: 15
Kudos: 57





	1. The Awakening

**Author's Note:**

> Hey :) 
> 
> This is my first fanfiction on this side, although I have been writing stories my whole life. I have mostly written in German before, therefore, this is my first try for a story in English. Feel free to correct my language, although I have a great Beta :)  
> Tags will be added for each chapter in the notes individually and I will also add tags along the way of writing this story. I hope I will update twice a week. 
> 
> Thanks to my lovely beta @nightlightstories for bearing with my sometimes disastrous English syntax :D
> 
> For now, have fun with the first chapter.

* * *

Prologue

After the US ended World War II by dropping atomic bombs on Hiroshima and Nagasaki, the world awaited Armageddon. Instead, something miraculous happened. They began to use atomic energy not as a weapon, but as nearly limited source of power. People enjoyed luxuries once thought the realm of science fiction. Domestic robots, fusion-powered cars, portable computers. But then, in the 21st century, people awoke from the American Dream.

Years of consumption lead to shortages of every major resource. The entire world unraveled. Peace became a distant memory. In 2077, the Chinese launched a nuclear first strike in a last-ditch effort to knock America out of the game. The nuclear exchange between America and China continued for two hours, then silence fell across the land. Both countries were almost destroyed. The entire world was blanketed with multiple nuclear strikes, most cities being hit multiple times and the world, and its entire ecosystem were irrevocably changed for centuries to come.

Castiel Novak was born before the Great War, in 2043. As a teacher living in Sanctuary Hills, he got into Vault 111 by mistake. Coincidentally, that’s the Vault designed to observe the effects of long-term cryogenic suspended animation on unsuspecting test subjects. Suddenly, Castiel wakes up, finding the other cryo-capsules empty. Confused, he leaves the vault and sees himself standing in front of a whole different world.

Dean Winchester was born a long time after the Great War, in 2261. He was raised in a hopeless world and learned how to deal with raiders, mirelurks and deathclaws at an early age. In 2287, he got to know Nate, who was searching his infant son after a wild kidnapping and witnessed the conflict between the institute, the minutemen, the railroad, and the brotherhood of steel three years ago. Being part of the minutemen, he lives in the small village called Sanctuary. He just thinks that maybe, life is getting a little less bad after these events but then a confused, helpless, and odd-looking guy crashes into his life.

* * *

1\. The Awakening  
  
Castiel was cold and his neck hurt. It took a while before he could open his eyes and try to understand what had happened to him. He remembered distant atomic bombs turning the sky over his hometown red, then the elevator had descended into this strange bunker.  
  
How did he get into the bunker in the first place? He didn't remember exactly; the memories were very blurry because the pain in his neck had now been accompanied by a dull roar in his skull. He shook his head because he couldn't really see anything. The only thing he felt that he was strapped in and that he couldn't move anyway because of the cold. As his eyes gradually got used to seeing again, the headache that had clouded his memories also eased. Now he realized that he must have ended up in this bunker by mistake.  
  
_All the residents of the village wanted to go to the bunker, which is why Castiel also had made his way up the mountain as soon as the bomb warning came through the news. The military had cordoned off the area extensively. There were desperate families everywhere. Castiel knew most of them because he taught their children English and History. They'd never all find a place in the bunker, would they?_ _  
  
The soldiers held clipboards, crossed off a few names from their lists and prevented other people from passing through. In front of him was Nora, with her husband ... Castiel had forgotten his name because they hadn't been living in Sanctuary Hills for very long, but he remembered the man had been in the army. Nora was carrying her little son in her arms – they’d let her pass just for that, wouldn't they? And then it happened, the man said his last name and the little family could pass.  
  
They didn't let Mrs. White, another neighbor who Castiel knew well, pass through. Then it was his turn and he said “Novak.” with a trembling voice. The soldier looked at Castiel briefly, then went through his list and frowned. “No, you… yes. Yes, go through. ", he explained and took a step to the side.  
  
Castiel ran to the others, stood next to the people from the neighborhood who had made it here. The soldier with the clipboard eyed another man, then waved excitedly over to the small group. He wanted Castiel to come back. But fate supported the mix-up.  
  
First you heard it, then you saw it. While the first bombs were still raining down on the land in the far distance behind the village, the elevator of the bunker was set in motion and everything went dark.  
_  
Castiel swallowed hard. It had been a mistake ending up down here, choosing one of the cryo-capsules and ultimately surviving the catastrophe. There was no other way he could explain it. He could see where he was now, namely in his capsule and the glass he could see through was no longer fogged up. There was a note on the other side.  
  
Slowly, he tried to move. It felt like he ran a marathon without preparing for it. How long had he slept? Hopefully the others had survived too; maybe Sanctuary Hills had been spared. Little did Castiel know that it had been atomic bombs that had left the country in ruins over 200 years ago.  
  
He set out to somehow break free of his capsule. He was still finding it difficult to breathe, but gradually he managed to loosen the straps holding him in the capsule. When he managed to do so, he fell out of the narrow dwelling that was reminiscent of a steel cocoon. "Fuck," he called as he landed on the hard floor.  
  
It was a few more minutes before he could stand up and examine his surroundings. He was in a dark room with several of these capsules standing around. But before he could see who else might have woken up from their slumber, he heard an uncomfortable chirping behind him.  
  
He turned around, his limbs still stiff, but what he saw made him freeze at first. "Fuck," came from his lips again, but this time it was just mumbling. A huge, oversized, brown cockroach sat next to his cryo-capsule, staring at him with greedy little eyes. Castiel took a few careful steps backwards, the horrible insect followed him, but kept his distance and flapped his brown-transparent wings.

 _I can’t just step on those cockroaches_ , he thought, before falling back on what turned out to be his salvation. An iron staff lay there on the ground, just waiting to become his weapon. Castiel took up the staff and now went more courageously towards the cockroach. With a powerful blow he sent it into the afterlife.  
  
He shook himself in disgust at the yellowish slimy liquid that had seeped out of the insect and set about re-examining his surroundings, but kept the iron staff firmly in his right hand. He didn't feel safe.  
  
Then he saw the note on his cryo-capsule, which had been attached with duct tape. He had completely forgotten about it and could not get rid of the feeling that his short-term memory was damaged from sleeping in the ice. He took a few steps back to his capsule, then tore the large piece of paper from the glass pane with trembling fingers. In small, fine letters it said:  
  
_Hello Mister Novak,_ _  
I remember you because you were the teacher in town - if I remember correctly. It’s been a long time, and we’ve only known each other for a few weeks. Don't be frightened if I write to you that we have the year 2288. A lot has happened in the last few years and I'll tell you all about it when we meet. You will surely find me, because my name is now known in this desolate world.  
I don't know why your capsule still worked after mine had a power failure - I woke up two years ago. You were probably just lucky, not like the others.  
After completing my mission, I returned here to bury the bodies. Nobody survived but you. They died of asphyxiation due to life support failure and my wife Nora was shot. But I'll tell you when we meet.  
The world has changed a lot; it has become wilder and more unpredictable. You will get used to it, I promise you, because I too have got used to it and learned to love a part of this world.  
I can't tell you where exactly I am, because I have a bounty on me from many sources, but ask for me in Sanctuary and you will find me.  
Hold on brave  
Nate  
_  
Castiel swallowed and only now noticed that his throat was bone dry. He had slept so long that nobody he knew was alive except for this man who had stuck the note on the capsule for him. And what if that had been more than a hundred years ago? He closed his eyes and tried to breathe calmly. A panic attack was the last thing he needed now.  
  
Slowly he took the only way out that he remembered - the way back to the elevator. The iron staff remained firmly in his right hand. His joints still ached, every step was an ordeal for the cold body and then there was the fear of what awaited him outside. He stepped through the huge entrance, then stepped into the elevator and pressed the only button that was there.

A deafening noise boomed through the elevator and Castiel had to drop the staff and press his hands on his ears because he felt as if his head was exploding. The elevator made its way up and the noise stopped abruptly. Before Castiel could reach for the iron staff again, the steel door opened above him and he was blinded by glistening bright light.  
  
A strange nausea overcame him as his eyes got used to the surroundings and the brightness, for what he saw made him fear the worst. The trees were only bony skeletons in a gray-brown landscape full of stone. _This is what it would look like on the moon if trees had grown there,_ thought Castiel. A few scattered green bushes indicated that this wasteland wasn't as completely dead as it looked at first glance.  
  
He slowly turned on the elevator platform and now looked in the direction of his hometown, where the bombs had rained down however many years ago. There was none of the small houses there, in one of which he had once lived. In the distance it looked like someone had built a small settlement out of junk.  
  
Castiel swallowed. Maybe it would be better if he went back to his capsule and just went back to sleep. Perhaps it would also be better if he left the mountainside he was standing on directly downwards. But maybe, just maybe, this desolate world was worth a visit. Curiosity won and his still tired and cold legs carried Castiel slowly down the way towards his old home.


	2. The Newbie

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey :) 
> 
> I have a new chapter for you :) Have fun reading it!

The day started like any other. Dean was woken up by the rays of the sun and that was, as always, way too early. Tired, he laid curled up in his sleeping bag on the old mattress of the pre-war bed for a moment, staring at the ceiling. Then he pulled himself up – he had to - got up and stretched before leaving the room and making his way into the kitchen.

As the head of the settlement he was lucky enough to be able to live in his own house; several people lived in all the other houses in Sanctuary. The house his bed was in had belonged to Nate many years ago, the only survivor of Vault 111, who had woken up three years before and had turned the whole world upside down.

Dean remembered that Nate was looking for his son and that a gigantic conflict had broken out between the four different parties in which the Brotherhood of Steel - a bunch of idiots, Dean thought - and the Institute had been destroyed. Only the Minutemen, to which he counted himself among, and the Railroad, an organization that protected the so-called Synths, had survived the conflict.

Dean had no problems with the Railroad. Rather, it was internal minutemen conflicts that gave him a headache that morning as he poured black coffee into a flaking enamel cup. Nate, the Sole Survivor had disappeared several months ago, and no one knew exactly where he had gone. Since the Institute had been destroyed, people didn't just disappear like that.

There were rumors that he had ended up in the capital wasteland, but Dean never left the settlement in that direction and so he could neither confirm nor disprove that Nate had disappeared there. The problem with Nate's disappearance was that the Minutemen lacked a clear leader since. Although there were the settlement leaders, they needed a head.

Dean finished the coffee in a couple of gulps because it wasn't particularly warm anymore. Stupid pre-war coffee machine. Then he went back to the room where his bed was, opened the closet and took out his equipment. He slept in the clothes he wore under his armor, so he was ready for action more quickly if problems arose outside again.

For armor, he had put together sturdy leather armor with a few pockets over the past few years, which had proven as particularly useful when he left the settlement. This happened often, and Dean usually kept it to himself where he was going. Mostly he said that he was visiting his brother in Diamond City - often that was true, but a few times he had failed to visit Sam on the respective return routes of his missions. Nobody questioned it.

In the past few years, Dean had made a name for himself, he had fought side by side with Nate against the Institute, had been involved in the liberation of the main station of the Minutemen and it was said that he was one of the most courageous people the dreary world knew. Little did they know that in addition to heroism, Dean kept some secrets that only his brother knew about.

Sam and Dean Winchester had grown up without a real family. Their mother had been killed in a raider attack when Sam was just four months old and Dean had been out for a loot run with their father. The years after that, the wasteland and their father had not made life easy for them. John Winchester was not good at dealing with his wife's death since he was realistic and didn't want his sons to die the same way, he trained them to survive in the post-war world.

The brothers had grown up in the south of the devastated continent. Only about ten years ago they had moved to the north, out of the even more barren Dixie Wasteland and into the Commonwealth, because John imagined better chances for whatever goals here. Initially they had settled in Diamond City and Sam still lived there. The younger Winchester hadn't minded the war, he stayed out of the political issues for the most part as long as they didn't ruin his business.

Sam was a vendor with a permanent base in Diamond City but he also occasionally took over a trade route himself if his employees found it too dangerous. Mostly, he made sure that the routes were considered safe again as soon as he had walked them. Overall, however, Dean knew that Sam preferred the quieter life in town.

His brother had got him the weapons Dean now put in his weapon belt after he had put on the armor. He particularly liked his modified Colt M1911A1, but his sawed-off shotgun had also already served him well. For both weapons you could find ammunition or make it yourself, which was particularly important in this world. Allegedly, there had been no ammunition shortage before the Great War, but Dean thought it was just a rumor. In any case, he didn't know much about the time before the Great War, because Nate had largely been silent about it.

Dean yawned and stretched again. He usually took the first watch in the morning, because after the nights, which were generally rather calm, enemies particularly liked to attack in the morning hours. At night, animals or wild ghouls occasionally got lost in the small settlement. Dean had been the leader of the settlement since the end of the conflict between Synths and Humans, in his absence Charlie Bradbury took over the management, whom he now had to relieve from her night watch at the northwestern gate.

In the afternoons, his agenda mostly consisted of doing business with other settlements or planning one of his tours or assigning or assuming duties that arose in the settlement. And during the afternoon, Dean took the time to take care of his horse, which had stood by him for several years and significantly shortened the distances through the wasteland.

With another full cup of black coffee and a packed lunch, he made his way to the northwestern gate, greeted Sturges, the mechanic of the settlement, who was already working on one of the generators, and was satisfied that it the night must have been very quiet, because Charlie didn't look as tired and worn out as she had many times before.

"Good morning, Red," he greeted the smiling woman with a shouldered sniper rifle. The nickname came from her hair color and it was what almost everyone in Sanctuary called her. “Quiet night, as I see?” “Very quiet. I think I fell asleep in between. Let's hope it stays that way. See you later.” She left her post on the wooden watchtower and patted the leader on the shoulder approvingly.

A day like any other, Dean thought, stepped up the stairs of the watchtower and sat on the old rocking chair. Somewhere up on this mountain, which he now had to watch for a few hours, was the vault from which Nate hatched three years ago and which the Sole Survivor had declared a restricted area, in memory of his wife and the other people who died below.

Dean yawned again, then put his legs on the outer wall of the watchtower and rocked the chair back and forth. In fact, not much happened in the first few hours and Dean decided at some point, when the coffee was long empty and he was feeling much more awake, that it was now time for late breakfast. He opened the lunch box and took out the baked bloatfly sandwich - not a delicacy, but a welcome change from the vegetables they grew in the settlement - only to drop it after two bites as he hastily reached for his trusty shotgun.

The blue point he had seen in the distance slowly grew and Dean wondered if it was maybe Nate who had taken off his armor and exchanged it for his old suit. In any case, the bright blue was not inconspicuous from the distance and an extremely bad outfit for a raider, so that Dean no longer held the weapon so tightly. At least, it wasn't Nate, that much became clearer to him with every step the stranger took towards him.

When the person, who at first glance was not carrying any weapons except for a curved iron bar, had come to about fifty yards, Dean called to him: "Stop. Who are you and what do you want here?" The man stopped, let his arms sink next to his body and replied: "I'm Castiel. I don't know what I want here, I'm from the bunker.” His voice was shaky, and he sounded confused.

Dean let the gun sink completely and thought for a moment. Either the man found and robbed Nate, or he was telling the truth. In both cases, it was worthwhile for Dean to let the man in. He liked to discuss such decisions with Charlie, who was certainly in the land of dreams right now.

So Dean decided to let the man in by himself. He waved to him, then left his post and went to the gate, but took his handgun in his right hand and did not let go of it as he opened the gate and the newcomer stepped through. "Do you have weapons with you?", Dean asked, closed the gate behind the man and eyed him suspiciously.

Castiel - if that was his real name - was a little shorter than Dean. He had black, neatly trimmed hair, very different from the hairstyles Dean knew. The body under the vault suit looked trained, but not beefy; more like this man was running a lot. That couldn't be Nate's suit, because Nate was quite a bit shorter and much brawnier. The perfectly fitting suit was a clear indication that this man really had to be another new Vault resident.

Although Dean was supposed to search him for weapons, he needed a moment to take his eyes off the other man's eyes. They were a steely blue, just as blue as the suit, and looked so innocent and desperate that Dean was sure his guess was correct. Then Dean said seriously: "Okay, newbie, I'll search you now, so you don't endanger my settlement."


	3. Being Shot

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey :)  
> Some action in the new chapter :D

Castiel dropped the iron staff and loosely stood in front of the man whose name he did not know yet. He understood his suspicions and had no intention of contradicting him in any way, for he seemed to care about the security of his home. Castiel wondered what his old house looked like and whether it was still standing but his thoughts were interrupted by the man's groping hands.

"So normally I'm not that forward, you know," he joked. “Oh, sorry, I also usually introduce myself before I get up close and personal. Dean Winchester.“ He stopped examining Castiel for a moment and held out his right hand in greeting. Castiel took the hand and shook it firmly. His gaze didn't leave the eyes of the man whose name he now knew.

Dean was a bit taller than him, had dirty blonde, rather short hair that he had apparently tried to tame with some hair gel, but different than Castiel knew from the hairstyles of his time. He himself wondered if he still looked as well-groomed as he did before his cryo-sleep or if time had gnawed at him. Dean looked outrageously attractive in any case, Castiel noticed that much. He was lean yet trained and wore a strange looking leather armor. His green eyes rounded off the overall picture.

The black-haired took a deep breath and swallowed his thoughts, while Dean examined him further. Perhaps society had changed a little in the last few centuries, but he didn't want to risk being viewed negatively right from the start. There was a reason he hadn't had a wife or children at 34 when the bombs fell, and it was easy to name - he was gay. He had noticed this early on and so far in his life he had mostly hidden it badly and also felt miserable in turn.

"You seem okay.", Dean then said, picked up the iron staff and gave it back to Castiel. "But if that is your only weapon, you can be screwed pretty quickly." "I woke up about an hour ago and already killed some disgusting insect with this thing, so far it has really helped me," he replied with a shrug. "So, you're really came out of the vault?"

“That's what it was called! I completely forgot what this bunker was called. Yes, I was frozen there, and the cold is still stuck in my bones.” “When were you born?”, Dean asked and crossed his arms in front of his chest. "On August 20, 2043." "Shit." Dean thought for a moment and seemed to be calculating with his fingers. “That makes you 247 years old. Wow.” “I'm 34.” “You don't look like an old man at all, don't worry.”, Dean tried to calm him down.

Then he went on, “It must all be quite overwhelming, right?” “I don't even know what happened. I know there was this war because of Alaska, but I haven't really looked into it. I was a teacher at Concord, for English and history. I was more interested in the past than the present. Anyways, I don't think anyone expected China to attack the USA and then it did happen. I think I got into the Vault by accident. "

“It doesn't matter, the vaults are absolutely junk. Sure, you could survive the Great War in them, as far as I know, but they were probably used to conduct human experiments, according to Nate. I've read something about a vault that is said to be in the capital wasteland and where all the residents are slowly but surely going nuts. You can be glad that you were only frozen. ", Dean explained and made an appreciative face. "Did you live in Sanctuary?"

“It was still called Sanctuary Hills back then. I moved here after graduating from Boston and then got a job in the high school in Concord." Dean seemed to be thinking, then he asked carefully, "Family?" "Single, no kids. But my parents and my brother were certainly not lucky enough to have been frozen like me. "

"We have something in common." Dean paused. "Well, I mean the thing with the single and childless, the other..." He scratched his head and looked insecure. Castiel reassured him: “I didn't have a particularly good relationship with my parents. It's a shame about my brother, but I think I'll have to come to terms with that.” “I'll just introduce my brother to you some time. Then he doesn't just get on my nerves. "

"Does that mean I can stay here for a while?" Castiel asked softly. “Sure, if you get involved in the community and the other residents don't mind. Usually, we are never negative towards new residents, especially if they are as charming as you are." Castiel blushed and he tried to cough away his insecurity.

Dean seemed to ignore his reaction and continued: "First, we have to get rid of you being a walking target.” Castiel frowned. “You are bright blue, like a blueberry, and they don’t usually exist in this size. I think, I still have clothes somewhere that might fit you. If you have no problem with the fact that I probably stole it from a raider corpse at some point."

"I'll be fine with that as long as it improves my chances of survival." “Can you shoot?” “I had basic military training before I went to college, but I'm not sure how well I've kept things in mind. I was supposed to go to the war for Alaska, but they said the country needs teachers, so I stayed here. And then it was quiet for a few years." "So, an absolute greenhorn, well, that'll be funny. ", Dean grinned and Castiel couldn't get rid of the feeling that it was going to be less funny for him than for his counterpart.

“Come with me first, you can enjoy the privilege of entering my house. I'll find you new clothes. ", Dean decided and pointed up the street to the house in which Nate and Nora had once lived with their little baby. They set out, having stood in the shadow of the watchtower so far. “This was Nate's house; do you know him? He came from the Vault too.” “Sure, I know him. We fought side by side, but I can explain everything to you soon." "Where is he?" "He..."

Dean didn't get any further, they only heard a loud bang and the next moment Castiel felt a sharp pain in his left shoulder. "Down.", Dean shouted and took the shotgun that had been hanging loosely on his belt. Castiel no longer reacted correctly, but only held the painful shoulder. It took a few seconds before he realized he must have been shot. "Raider, shit.", Dean called and ran back to his sentry before he called Castiel: "Cas, go to my house, you will be safe there."

Then he climbed the watchtower and fired a few shots directly at the attackers. Castiel held his shoulder and dared a careful look to the left. Blood welled from between his fingers and the adrenaline rushing through his body alone kept him from fainting at the sight. Usually, he couldn't stand the sight of blood. He ducked the short distance to Dean's house, with several other residents of the settlement running towards him with drawn weapons.

A red-haired woman with a sniper rifle slowed her sprint and examined Castiel briefly before deciding what to do. “Go inside, Blue. I'll be right there and take care of your wound. Then she ran in the direction of the watchtower, on which Dean was still standing alone and kept shooting to the other side of the boundary.

Castiel opened the door and entered the house. The inside looked almost like his old house, but the walls were no longer whole, it looked desolate and rather worn from the attacks over 200 years ago. Castiel looked around while he was still holding his aching shoulder and looked for a first aid kit. The first day in the new world and I get shot! That could only happen to him.

He felt a little nauseous when he looked back at his shoulder and decided to sit on the single armchair that sat next to an old pre-war couch. If only I had just frozen myself again, he thought, but the thought was interrupted by the front door opening again and the red-haired woman stepping through. "They have it under control.", she explained and put her gun down next to the door. "Let me take a look at you."

She bridged the distance to Castiel, kneeled in front of him and first looked at the shoulder in detail. "No exit wound, that will be disgusting." She got up again and then went to the refrigerator, which also looked as if it had been in this exact place before the war. For Castiel, however, a low hum indicated that it was still working and that there was electricity in the settlement. "I'm Charlie, by the way," she explained, placing a dark brown bottle on the wooden coffee table. "Whiskey."

“I don't drink alcohol.” “Oh, believe me, you're starting now. I would give you Jet too, but I don't have any more of that right now. Let go of your wound, you won't bleed to death. That's the good thing about it when there is no exit wound. ", she explained and carefully Castiel removed his right hand from his left shoulder. "Now drink that fucking whiskey and concentrate on not fainting. You look really exhausted.” She opened the bottle and handed it to the black-haired man.

"Thank you.", Castiel said and reluctantly took a sip of the burning liquid. Immediately, he felt warmer, for he had still felt some cold from his long sleep until that moment. "More.", Charlie determined and nudged the bottle when Castiel put it on his mouth the next time. He felt dizzy. "Good.", she decided suddenly, took the bottle, and put it back on the table. Then she went into an adjoining room and came back with a bandage, scissors, tweezers and a syringe that looked way too large.

"This will hurt now, but we don't want the arm to get infected, do we Blue?", She asked and Castiel shook his head. "Nice, what's your real name, by the way?" "Castiel Novak." "Good, Castiel, then I want you to concentrate now. Do not to move!" She cut his blue suit with the scissors and Castiel tried to concentrate on the gunshot noises from outside, which seemed to be getting less and less.

When Charlie touched him with the tweezers to remove the bullet from his shoulder, he winced, and she cursed. "You have to keep still." "It hurts." "Oh yes, really?" Again, she reached for the bottle of whiskey and held it out to Castiel. "Drink, it won't work otherwise." He reluctantly took the bottle and let some of the burning juice trickle down his throat again.

The shots outside were extinguished and a moment later the door opened, and Dean came in. "How’s it going?", he wanted to know from Charlie, who shrugged her shoulders. “No exit wound, but the bullet has to go. Urgent.” “Is that why you're making him drunk?” “That was my first idea, exactly,” she explained. Dean crouched down next to Castiel on the floor. The man who previously looked slightly tanned was now only pale and his right hand was covered in blood.

Dean took it in his hand anyway and then said to him decisively: "Focus on me if you want to use your arm again." Castiel swallowed, but his throat was dry and burned from the whiskey. Then he looked into Dean's green eyes. They shone like two emeralds and this time Castiel did not flinch when Charlie tampered the gunshot wound with the tweezers. He eyed Dean's face openly, and his gaze stayed on the perfect lips. Had he ever seen such perfect lips that almost invited him to just lean forward and kiss Dean?

"Made it." Charlie explained, who was already starting to put the bandage on. “Very good, Cas. That'll heal, soon. “, Dean said and ran his thumb over Castiel's hand. "Are you going to give him a stimpak?", he asked then, pointing to the syringe, which looked way too big. Charlie nodded and Castiel wanted to contradict, but Dean said: "It will help you sleep and promote your wound healing quite a bit, I promise. And it doesn't hurt. "

"If you say so.", Castiel replied and noticed that he was slightly dizzy again. Charlie took the syringe and without hesitation pushed it into Castiel's left leg through the fabric of the Vault suit. A pleasant warmth crept through Castiel's limbs from his leg and a spontaneous and very strong tiredness overwhelmed him. Again, he looked into Dean's green eyes, then he mumbled: "Will you still be here when I wake up?" "Sure, Cas.", he said reassuringly and Castiel closed his eyes before drifting away to another, more peaceful world.


	4. Mr. Frosty

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Have fun with the new chapter :)   
> Also, let me know what you think about my description of the wasteland yet :)

Castiel stood on a hill he could not precisely locate. The hill looked familiar to him, but he wasn't sure where it was. Maybe somewhere in the Boston suburbs, near his university? The sun rose in front of him and he enjoyed the warmth that poured through his body from the budding rays of it.

Suddenly, the sunrise was crossed by an orange-red cloud of fire and a subsequent mushroom cloud. Now, Castiel knew exactly which hill he was on. It stood above his hometown Sanctuary Hills and somewhere in the south, first bombs had been dropped. The pressure wave should reach him at any moment, but he was standing on the vault platform that would drive him down at the last moment. But nothing happened; why did nothing happen? Castiel felt the pressure wave reach his body; he was hot and cold.

I don’t want to set the world on fire  
I just want to start a flame in your heart  
In my heart there is just one desire  
And that one is you, no other will do

Castiel opened his eyes, bathed in sweat. This time, he wasn't shaking, he was way too warm, and he had a headache. It didn't take his eyes long to get used to the surroundings, they only had to deal with the darkness around him. Carefully, he felt around and found that he was lying on a comfortable surface. However, because of the darkness, he couldn't tell exactly where he was, except that he was lying in a house and there was soft music playing.

When his eyes had grown used to only being able to cope with a lamp outside, he tried to sit up and with the piercing pain in his left shoulder, everything came back into him. He wasn't in just any house, he was in Nate’s, no, Dean's house, recovering from a bloody gunshot wound!

He was sitting in a thick sleeping bag on the sofa where he had been lying before and looked at the armchair on which he had fallen asleep. How did he get on the sofa? Before he could worry about it, the urgent call of nature overtook him, so he stood up and freed himself from the sleeping bag. He felt much cooler right away. He didn't know his way around the house, but he hoped he'd find a toilet somewhere in the adjoining hallway.

Slowly, he felt his way forward, because the streetlamp only threw very soft light into the small building. An uncomfortable feeling of numbness emanated from the point on his left shoulder where the bullet had been removed. It almost felt like the bullet was still under his skin. In the hallway, he found that there were three doors that hung on their hinges rather badly.

The broken walls had been patched up in various places with pieces of wood or metal plates. Intuitively, Castiel first decided on the single door on the left side and was just as frightened as Dean, who jumped out of bed on the other side, pulled out a knife at first and held it to Castiel's throat. Only then he put his hand on his chest and backed away with the knife, too. "Damn it, Cas." He snorted and stowed the knife back under his pillow completely. “Personal space! You scared me. But it's good that you're awake. I…"

Castiel interrupted him. "Where is the toilet?" "Opposite.", Dean explained and pointed to the right of the other two hall doors. Castiel hurried to the door with a quick step, closed it behind him and found himself in a small bathroom, with a very battered shower, an old sink and his goal - the toilet.

After doing his business, he tried to see if the faucet worked and he was not disappointed. He dried his hands on the pant legs of his Vault suit and then looked in the partially blind mirror that hung over the sink. First, he looked at the bandage on his shoulder. Except for a small red stain, there was nothing left to see of blood, so it must have stopped bleeding.

When Castiel's gaze arrived at his mirrored eyes and met blue on blue, he briefly held his breath. He hadn't changed much in the past two centuries, just looked a little pale and his lips were very dry. Otherwise, he looked almost the same as on the fateful morning when the bombs rained on America. Even his hair looked reasonably passable despite his sleep on the sofa. He wondered how long this would be the case, because in this world, appearance probably played a subordinate role. Survival was the goal.

He looked away from himself and left the bathroom. Dean was standing in the door of his bedroom, had the sleeping bag in which he had slept pulled up to his hips like a strange long skirt and was leaning against the frame. He wore a t-shirt that looked light brown in the dark. Castiel noticed again, how unlawfully handsome he was and that was exactly what he was for him - the forbidden fruit. He took a deep breath, then straightened his upper body and immediately the piercing feeling in his shoulder came back.

“Damn it.” “Not better yet? I can give you another stimpak." "It will take its time to heal, I'm afraid." "It would definitely help you. Against the headache.“ Dean pointed to Castiel's head, as if you could see that the piercing pain in his shoulder wasn't the only problem. “The stimpak just stimulates your normal bodily functions and you definitely can't get addicted to it. In contrast to whiskey. I can't recommend it to you in the long run. ", Dean grinned.

"I don't drink alcohol.", Castiel replied and so repeated his words from the morning. “Believe me, in this world you will start very quickly. You don't have to overdo it. And stay away from drugs. Charlie thinks a lot of Jet, but I never really loved it. Stimpaks on the other hand, you can never have enough of. They are useful and very effective. Tomorrow morning, we can certainly take the bandage off. "

Then Castiel wanted to know: "How did I get on the sofa? I fell asleep in the armchair, didn't I?” “Right.”, Dean confirmed, then he grinned again. “You got my second sleeping bag and I dragged you onto the sofa. Thought that a 250-year-old back might not cope so well with a night in an armchair.” “I'm 34.” “And yet you went to the toilet for the first time in over 200 years, am I right?"

Castiel smirked: "Correct. And I'm thirsty for the first time in over 200 years and I would like to have something without alcohol.” “Could be difficult.” “It can also come from the tap…” “Don't drink that, you haven't drunk it yet, right?!“ Suddenly Dean's voice didn't sound too self-confident, it was rather hasty, as if he was thinking about something.

"No?", Castiel tried to calm his counterpart. “Why shouldn't I drink it?” “Radioactivity?! Dude, just don't drink anything that you don't know for certain isn't polluted. We have water and the radioactivity is low enough that you can wash or shower with it, but you still shouldn't drink it. However... “ Dean made his way to the kitchen, hopping in his sleeping bag and Castiel followed him. He wondered why Dean hadn't just left the sleeping bag in his bed.

Once they arrived at the refrigerator, Dean searched it briefly, then he handed Castiel a bottle that seemed too familiar for Castiel. "Nuka Cola, enjoy it.", he explained and Castiel opened the bottle. He started to drink, and the ice-cold Nuka Cola made its way down his dry throat. "You cannot imagine how good that is.", he explained in a short drinking break and Dean had to grin.

"Yes, I can tell from your face that you are enjoying it." he said firmly and shrugged his shoulders. “Anyway, we should both get some sleep. I'm glad I just got some warmth in my sleeping bag." "And I woke up because I was so incredibly warm.", Castiel laughed and earned an indefinable look from Dean. He couldn't say exactly how Dean was looking at him and tried to ignore the strange feeling in his stomach. That was definitely the Nuka Cola.

"Should I turn off the music?", Dean asked and wanted to jump to the music system, but Castiel was already shaking his head. "It's really nice to hear music that I know." Dion’s The Wanderer was running quietly and Castiel almost had to be careful not to tap his right foot in the rhythm. "Well, if you would excuse me then? Mr. Frosty here has to go back to bed. I'll have the first watch again tomorrow morning and it shouldn't be as miserable as it was today. "

“Are you saying that to the one who was frozen for over 200 years? Maybe it would help not to sleep in a T-shirt? “, Castiel suggested and Dean stuck out his tongue. "What?" Dean waved him off, pulled up the sleeping bag and then slowly hopped back into his bedroom. “Sleep tight.” Castiel, however, sat down on the sofa again and meticulously made sure not to pull the sleeping bag up that much, but only to be wrapped in it up to his stomach.

He had always felt rather warm, if he remembered correctly and he was glad that the last cold was now gone from his limbs. He took the last sip of the cool Nuka Cola with relish, then laid down and tried to ignore both the pain in the shoulder and the headache. It took a while, but this time he drifted into a peaceful and dreamless sleep.


	5. History Is History

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey,  
> I wish you all a happy third advent and have fun reading the next chapter :)   
> And I totally recommend you listening to "Skeeter Davis's The End of the World" to get you in the right mood :D

The next time Castiel woke up, he was neither bathed in sweat nor completely thrown off track by a dream. He knew right away where he was and, despite the gunshot wound, he didn't feel so bad anymore. There was still a slight throbbing pain when moving the shoulder, but it was bearable and not as bad as it was at night. Maybe the stimpaks were a welcome aid in wound healing after all.  
  
The music system was still running quietly, and _Skeeter Davis's The End of the World_ was playing. The old music really helped Castiel feel comfortable in this new world and not focus too much on what he had missed in the past centuries. He sat up and noticed that the sun was just about to rise.  
  
For the first time he looked around the little house without distraction. The sofa, which must have been bright red in better times, faced the three-door hallway. On the far right was the armchair which Castiel had first sat down in. Next to it was a pre-war television, but it didn't look as if it still worked. Then, there was an abandoned fireplace and the music system that played its whispering sounds from the old days.  
  
To the left of the living area was the kitchen, which had seen better days. It had the typical pre-war blue fronts and at least the refrigerator seemed to be working. When he took a closer look at it, he noticed that his stomach felt pretty empty. After all, he hadn't eaten in over 200 years. In any case, he wondered how exactly people could survive cryo-sleep without ingesting food or fluids.  
  
"Good morning, sunshine," a voice behind Castiel said and he turned around while still sitting on the sofa. In the hallway stood Dean, in the same light brown T-shirt he had slept in and with loose cargo pants. "Good morning," Castiel replied and ran his hands through his hair. It didn't seem as tamed as it did before the night. "How are you?", Dean wanted to know then and Castiel shrugged his shoulders, ignoring the pain in his left.  
  
“Much better than yesterday at this time. I'm sure by then I just fell out of my capsule and had my first encounter with the creatures that this apocalypse brought out.” Dean frowned. "Apocalypse is a very harsh word, don't you think, Cas?" "If you knew what it looked like here before the Great War, you would probably talk the same way." At that moment, Castiel's stomach growled loudly.  
  
"Breakfast and you tell me a little bit about _that_ time?", Dean suggested and Castiel nodded in agreement. Dean went into the kitchen to the refrigerator, opened it and looked at the contents for a brief moment. “We grow our own fruit and vegetables, so I can offer enough of them. Meat mostly has a questionable origin," he explained and Castiel thought for a moment. "I am very satisfied with the fruit and vegetables," was his answer.

"If you say so," Dean said, then he reached into the refrigerator and took out a bowl. "Charlie brought me this vegetable soup days ago, if it's still good, you can have it," he said and eyed the contents of the bowl critically. "Will go," he decided then, poured the soup into a saucepan and then put everything on the stove, which apparently still worked, although it didn't look like it.  
  
When they sat at the old metal table on the chairs that also had been in Castiel's house at the time and that were still just as uncomfortable as they were two centuries ago, Castiel set about telling Dean about his old life. The vegetable soup actually tasted good and Castiel even dared to try some of Dean's crispy squirrel bites.  
  
“I was born in 2043, in Boston. My brother Gabriel is four years older than me and practically raised me too. Dad wasn't actually there and our mother worked in the office of a RobCo factory. When my father was at home, he would talk about his exciting job - he was an archaeologist and had seen a lot of the world. That's why Gabriel and I have a great interest in history. He studied history and started working at the history museum down in Washington DC. I always wanted to be a teacher and then I just did it. History and English. When I got the job in Concord, it only made sense to move into the area.” “Why wasn't your brother drafted for war?” “He was retired, bad sight,” Castiel explained.  
  
"When did you come to Sanctuary?" Dean wanted to know. “Well, that was just after my thirtieth birthday. They had touted the city with the _houses of tomorrow_ and somehow, I liked the idea of living in a safe environment and not having to worry about status symbols. Everything was pleasant here.” “We've all noticed that the houses here come from the catalog,” Dean laughed. "But how did you get into the vault?"  
  
“I think it was a coincidence. When they said something about the bombing on the radio, I didn't want to believe it at first, but panic broke out outside. And as a history teacher, I know how the victims of the Hiroshima and Nagasaki bombings fared.” “ _What_?” Castiel paused. "1945? Shortly before the end of the second World War, America dropped bombs on Japan to end the war and accepted huge civil collateral damage?” Dean continued to look at him questioningly.  
  
“Not much is known about the time before the Great War, Cas. Many books have been destroyed and there are schools in the bigger cities, but they don't really talk about history. The main thing is that the children learn to read and write. And obey the leaders if there are any.” Dean seemed to think about something, but then paused and stared at his squirrel bites for a moment.  
  
Castiel continued, “I went out after the bomb warning, like most people of Sanctuary Hills, and just followed most of them. Months and even days before the bombs, we were harassed by several Vault-Tec employees in our community, because we were only guaranteed a place in the Vault for outstanding civil service or a lot of money. In any case, I did not believe that it would come to this and always insisted that they should leave me alone."

"But how did you get a place in the Vault then?" “Luck for me, bad luck for another. My name was mistaken for another, I think. I don't know for which, but it's a strange feeling to be responsible for the death of a person. It sits heavily on my stomach." Dean snorted. “Well, you will _certainly_ feel comfortable in this world. Death is the order of the day. We still have to make a chameleon out of the blueberry by the way. "  
  
Castiel nodded, then he continued. “So, I ended up on the platform for the Vault through a mix-up. We saw a bomb hit behind Sanctuary Hills and then we drove down. The picture still haunts me, that mushroom cloud ... I dreamed of it last night.” He shuddered. “Anyway, we were driven downstairs and we were told that we now had to be put in so-called decontamination capsules. I should have known that they were trying to do something else."  
  
“Vault-Tec doesn't have a particularly good reputation in our world, you know. There's a lot going on here and many Vaults have since been broken into and looted. One had to be lucky, like you, that a Vault is either difficult to find or simply inaccessible from the outside. Vault 111 can only be opened from the outside with a Pip-Boy and I saw the last one on Nate’s arm. "  
  
“He left me a message. I should go see him." "The prankster. A few months ago, he disappeared into thin air with his dog and didn't say where he was going. Said something about clean water, apparently went nuts and ran off. I heard that he is supposed to be somewhere in DC.” “Then I'll go to DC.” Dean laughed out loud. "You will be killed before you take a step outside of this settlement."  
  
“I'll be careful not to be seen.” “Impossible. There are so many creatures out there that have you on their radar faster than you can say Mirelurk-pie. But first, enjoy the time that was given to you in this way.” “I will stay here for the time being, but as soon as I feel fit enough, I will go looking for Nate.” “If I'm still alive and madness overwhelms me, I might come with you," Dean grinned, then he got up.  
  
"We want to make sure that you no longer stand out from the environment, like a misplaced war survivor." He went into his bedroom and Castiel followed him slowly. The room was small, there was a metal bed in it and under the opposite window there was a wooden, crooked chest of drawers, which Dean now opened and briefly searched. Then he handed Castiel a bundle of green-brownish clothes.  
  
“While I think a pre-war suit might look particularly good on you, I think this is a better option. And since the other houses are already completely overcrowded, you can use my spare room. See it as a privilege, I am not one of those who let everyone stay with them." Dean winked at Castiel, then he grabbed his shoulders and pushed the black-haired man down the hall to the door, which Castiel hadn't used last night.  
  
"Thank you for welcoming me in so warmly," he said softly. “You are one of the good guys, Cas, I'm absolutely sure of that. I've got to know a lot of people in the last few years and I can judge pretty well who should sleep in my house and who shouldn't.” “Thanks,” Castiel repeated again, then he stepped through the door and closed it behind him before he peeled off his blue suit and swapped it for a beige T-shirt, dark green army pants, and a matching shirt.

He looked around the room briefly - there was a bed here too, smaller than Dean's and it looked unused, as well as a dresser and a closet. Castiel was only irritated by the wallpaper, which was already peeling off the walls in some places. Small rockets were depicted on it and the whole thing looked like a child's room. Surely, it was the old room of Nate's little child, whose name he had forgotten.  
  
Then Castiel said goodbye to his neat hairstyle and unceremoniously ruffled his hair. He left the room again and found Dean in the hallway, who was waiting for him in full armor. “Looks good, suits you, this post-war fashion. And I like the hair,” he grinned, then handed Castiel a small handgun, probably loaded. "Would you like to take the first watch with me?"


	6. The Present

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey :)   
> Have fun reading the next chapter.

Somewhat reluctantly, Castiel had taken the small handgun and meticulously made sure that it was not unlocked before he had put it in the back of his waistband. The last time he had actually held such a weapon in his hands was during basic training in the Army. Now, this one looked older and had some signs of use. Castiel was very happy that he had been able to avoid moving into World War III because he had never been a fan of violence. But he would have to put up with that now, for better or for worse.

“I can introduce you to the others this afternoon and we can see what tasks you can take over. I think it would make sense if you made yourself useful with your job as a teacher or in any case also help in the fields. We have some children in the settlement, and I think it would be good if they could learn how to read," Dean explained after they had left the house and were on their way to the watchtower through whose entrance gate Castiel had entered the village.

“I used to teach teenagers. That will be a change, but I can try it," Castiel said and shrugged his shoulders. "I want to get involved as best I can, and I’ll try to get used to this new life." "It's the present," Dean said and then they stood in front of the watchtower. "Good morning, Charlie." He waved the redhead down from the tower.

While Dean was already climbing up, Castiel was waiting downstairs and let Charlie descend first. “Good morning, Cas. I see you got well through the night," she said and winked at him. "The bullet was sitting pretty deep in your shoulder, be glad that it was stopped by a bone, otherwise the whole thing would have become even uglier. And you can be glad that I was there to treat you."

“I don't know what I would have done without you anyway.” “Without us, you probably wouldn't have been shot or the raiders would have knocked you down. By the way...” She rummaged in her left pocket, then she handed Castiel her closed fist and let something fall into his outreached hand. “It's your first, keep it safe. It will definitely not be the last, but it can remind you that the first one didn't kill you either. "

Castiel looked at the object in his hand and realized that it was a shiny golden, relatively small thing, the bullet that had been stuck in his shoulder. “Thanks for at least cleaning it up.” “Well, of course. I'll see you later," she said and patted him on the right shoulder as she left.

Now, Castiel also set out to climb the watchtower. It was an old ladder that he pulled himself up and reached the top after a few rungs. The tower was maybe three meters high and was not only made of wood, but also of corrugated iron, as Castiel discovered when he arrived at the top. Dean was already sitting on the only chair, a rocking chair, and had leaned his legs casually against the wall of the watchtower. He rocked slowly back and forth, looking attentively over the boundaries of the settlement. 

"Most of the time there isn't much going on, at least in the morning," he explained and pointed next to him. "Sit down, then you can't see what's going on out there, but if something exciting happens, I'll tell you." Castiel did as he was told and sat down cross-legged on the floor of the tower, where he turned his gaze to the interior of the settlement.

"For 250, you are still pretty flexible, Cas," Dean grinned and looked briefly at the black-haired man who frowned. "I'm still 34." "What did you do in your free time, Cas?", Dean wanted to know and Castiel didn't think twice. “I had little free time, that's how it is as a teacher. In the mornings before school I usually did yoga to relax somehow and, in the afternoons, I went running. I love to clear my head like that. I've also participated in half marathons a few times. "

"That could prove to be extremely useful," Dean explained, without taking his eyes off the surroundings. “What I mean is that you have to run a lot in the wasteland. Some of us now have horses for long distances, but you have to be able to look after them on the way and that is not always guaranteed. You can't give a horse several cans of Rad-X a day just because you can't find clean water. "

"What is this rad-X?", Castiel wanted to know. “An invention that probably existed before the war. There is also radaway, so you can get rid of the radiation. Rad-X ensures that you absorb less radiation. Both of these only have limited effects, but if you get radiation sickness, you will notice soon enough that you have to take something. Every now and then we do loot runs outside of the village to get new medication. "

“That sounds exciting.” “Depending on where we land, we will deal with different creatures. Ideally, it's just these idiotic super mutants, but there have been a couple of times where I've met a deathclaw.” “Deathclaw?” Castiel swallowed. The present didn’t sound friendly at all. “Right, deathclaw. They were developed by the US military before the Great War to replace people in high-risk missions. The basis is said to have been some chameleon. In any case, these critters are incredibly fast and strong, and you have to be pretty stupid to mess with one."

Dean paused for a moment, then he reached through the round neckline of his T-shirt and pulled out a chain with a strange pendant. He carefully removed the chain and handed the pendant to Castiel. "That is the deathly claw of a deathclaw," Dean explained, and his voice sounded thick, which is why Castiel did not ask any further and just looked at the almost index finger-sized black claw. "You really don't want to meet them," Dean said as he took the chain back, put it back around his neck and pushed the pendant under his T-shirt. Then his eyes narrowed to slits.

"How well can you remember your training?", he wanted to know from Castiel. He immediately noticed that Dean’s whole body was tensing. "I don't know." "Can you shoot?" "Yes, I think so." "Good," Dean replied, then slowly pointed over the wall of the watchtower. “Nothing big, but a mole rat is looking for food down there. If it doesn't bother us at night, we're a long way further and besides, mole rat meat tastes really great,” he explained.

Castiel rose and looked over the edge of the wall. He had expected a small rodent, perhaps the size of his forearm, and already feared he would miss miserably. But what he saw he could really easily hit. This creature was about the size of a German Shepherd, with huge incisor teeth and some disgusting sniffer hairs on its otherwise bare, shiny red body.  
He took the gun from his waistband and aimed, both hands on the gun, at the mole rat. He was about to unlock it when Dean interrupted him. "Wait a second." Castiel stopped where he was and Dean got up from his rocking chair, put his left hand on Castiel's back and with his right hand he corrected his gun position a long way to the right. "The weapons are not as perfect as you might have known them," he explained, left his left hand on Castiel's back and then released the safety catch on the handgun.

"I could have managed that, too,", he smirked, but Dean only nodded in agreement. "Go," he said and Castiel pulled the trigger when the mole rat was digging in one of the withered bushes with its huge head. Castiel had almost forgotten the recoil of the weapon and he watched as the mole rat fell to the ground seconds after the shot. "Wait," Dean just said and left his hand on Castiel's back, which was hot and cold from this touch.

"There," Dean said and pointed near the dead mole rat, where a second and a third had appeared. “They are always out in packs. Never forget that. Go,“ he ordered and helped Castiel again with aiming. He struck and now three dead rodents laid in front of the settlement wall. "Very good,", Dean said, then he loosened his hand from Castiel's back and explained: "I'll get the meat and you watch out that nothing eats me. Can you do that?“ Castiel nodded.

In fact, Dean was able to take the carcasses out in peace and after a few minutes returned to the settlement under close observation from Castiel. The rest of the morning passed without incident, the two of them talked about almost unimportant things or simply remained silent. It was not an uncomfortable silence and Castiel enjoyed the calm he had often missed in his times before the war.

In the afternoon they were relieved by a resident named Jun Long. Dean took Castiel back to his house, who waited patiently until Dean had returned from the bedroom and this time stood in front of him without armor. "We’ll go to the others," he explained and shouldered the meat of the mole rats that he had impaled on a stick to be able to transport it better.

In the house in the middle of the settlement, on whose forecourt two large generators provided the necessary electricity, Castiel got to know the other settlers. There was Sturges, the mechanic of the settlement, Marcy Long, the wife of the current watch, Charlie, who Castiel already knew, as well as Bobby Singer, an older man in a cap, Ellen and Jo, mother and daughter and Mama Murphy, arguably the oldest resident of the place. There were several other residents, but they stayed out of the matters that would be discussed here.

It was decided that Castiel should take care of the three children from the settlement and teach them how to read and write. They also decided that Castiel should take care of the field work two days a week. A guard on his own, they didn't want to trust him with that yet. He accepted his tasks with thanks and at the end Dean explained that he would take care that Castiel could survive in the wasteland. "You will learn from the best there," explained Charlie, who had a cup with indefinable liquid in front of her.

The meeting ended with people sitting outside in front of a fire and Ellen starting to cook the mole rat meat for everyone. They sat like that for a while and Castiel noticed that Dean, who was sitting on the other side of the fire between Bobby and Jo, was talking to Bobby very excitedly. He didn't quite get what they were talking about, however, as he was being hogged to his right by Charlie and his left by Mama Murphy and pestered with questions.

When the sun was slowly setting, their bellies were full and their eyes were getting tired, Mama Murphy took Castiel's left hand and looked him straight in the eyes for a while. Her gaze was absent until after a few moments she seemed to come back and ran her thumb over the back of his hand. "Follow your heart, Castiel," she just said, squeezed his hand briefly and then the small group slowly dissolved, and everyone went back to their houses. 


	7. There And Back Again

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey :)   
> Updating the chapter one day earlier because I couldn't wait anymore :D   
> Have fun! :)

Castiel blended into the community easily. The three children - Claire, Jack, and Alex - were eager to learn, even if they were a lot older than children who should normally learn how to read and write. So Castiel had a harder time teaching them the letters first; they asked often, but after a week they could already read and even write the first five letters that Castiel had explained to them.

Working in the field was also a welcome distraction. Castiel missed walking and was able to get rid of the pent-up energy by taking care of the various crops and the shrubs and trees. He also took over one or the other watch together with another settler, and he especially enjoyed the night watch with Charlie or chats with Mama Murphy.

But the owner of the house, in which Castiel spent much of his free time, disappeared the day after the meeting. Dean had not said goodbye and ran away with his horse that night. Castiel had asked about him, but Charlie had assured him that it had probably nothing to do with him.

“He's often just gone for a few days and you don't have to worry. I think he visits his brother in Diamond City, but he never announces when he goes missing. He's a good hunter, an even better fighter, and I can understand that he needs a break from life in Sanctuary every now and then. As far as I know, he grew up in the wasteland without a real home. ”, Charlie had explained to him, but that didn't really reassure Castiel.

He was just worried about Dean and waited for his return every day. A week after the meeting - Castiel had counted the days on an old paper in Dean's house, since there were no calendars - Dean was back as suddenly as he had disappeared.

"Hi, Cas.", he greeted Castiel, who was sitting at the breakfast table and had eaten sugar bombs with brahmin milk. Castiel winced because he hadn't noticed Dean's return that night. "Sorry," Dean said and sat down opposite Castiel.

He looked at him with an evil look in his eyes. "Where have you been?" "Visiting my brother.", Dean replied. "And I've replenished our supplies," he added. "There and back again.", Castiel only said and examined the sugar bombs as if they were particularly interesting.

"Did I do something wrong?" Dean wanted to know and Castiel shrugged his shoulders but remained silent. Dean frowned, then got up and left the house. Apparently, he had to take the first watch again, because he had already put on his armor and attached the weapons to his body.

The two men spent the next few days in silence. Castiel went about his duties, while Dean stayed in the house little and they usually only met in the morning and in the evening. Castiel was furious, but he knew that he had only been in this settlement for such a short time that he did not have the right to complain about the leader.

But after three days of silence, his anger broke out of him when Dean entered the house in the evening and wanted to walk into his bedroom. "Stop.", Castiel said leaning against the kitchen island his arms crossed over his chest. "You really don't know what bothers me, do you?", he wanted to know and looked into Dean's green, almost innocent eyes.

"I just know that something crawled up your ass and died while I was gone, because you behave very differently." Castiel exhaled angrily, bridged the gap between the two and pushed Dean against the closed front door. He was amazed at how strong he was at that moment. "Of course, I behave differently, Dean.", Castiel snorted and his face was only a few centimeters away from Deans.

“You just ran away without telling me where to or if I can expect you to come back. I was waiting for you, I was in your room, but your bed was empty, and your things were gone. I ran to Charlie in panic because I thought something had happened or you left the settlement completely. She was able to reassure me, said that you do that sometimes. And then suddenly you were there again and didn't even notice how much you scared me? I'm alone Dean, all alone. Everyone I know is dead. And at first I believed that you were no longer there either. "

Dean glared back angrily. "Cas, that ..." "I have a right to be mad at you. I trusted you when you took me in and of course I'm angry if you just disappear like that. I thought you'd show me how I can survive in the wasteland and then you're just gone." Castiel had gotten louder and louder because Dean didn't look at all as if he saw his mistake. Then Dean took his left hand, first placed it very gently on Castiel's shoulder and just said: "Lesson one."

Dean pushed Castiel back on the shoulder and hit the other in his stomach area. Castiel took a moment until he had linked the pain and the action, then he went on defense and pushed Dean back against the wall behind him. "Calm down.", Dean said loudly, but Castiel grabbed him by the collar. "You can't expect that I'm not mad at you if you just disappear like that without a word." Now Dean struggled and Castiel remembered Charlie's words about him being a good fighter.

It was an even fight and the two limited themselves to collateral damage, neither aimed at the face of the other and at some point, surprisingly, Castiel had again got the upper hand. He pressed Dean against the wall and was about to continue with his mad tirade when Dean suddenly groaned in pain. Castiel looked at his right hand, which was still pressing against Dean's stomach, and he let go of him immediately.

Through the dark green T-shirt, where Castiel's hand had just been, clearly dark red blood was visible now and Dean stumbled for a moment before leaning against the wall. "Shit, Dean, I'm sorry.", Castiel said immediately, but Dean waved him off. "It wasn't you," he explained and pressed his hands over the wound. "Bedroom.", he panted and Castiel, who had forgotten all anger, supported Dean until they had arrived in his bedroom.

There he helped Dean lie down on the bed and pulled the groaning man's T-shirt up a little. Dean was already wearing a bandage, but blood had seeped through it and Castiel swallowed hard. Then he took a deep breath and concentrated on not fainting. Before he could speak again, he helped Dean completely out of the shirt. "Where's your first-aid kit?", he asked, and Dean panted, "Bathroom, sink."

Castiel left the bedroom at a quick pace, found the first aid kit under the sink, and hurried back to the injured man, whose forehead was now sweaty. Castiel again tried to focus on other things than the blood as he removed the old bandage and examined the wound that was exposed underneath. "Shit, Dean!" He moaned as he looked at the reopened injury. "What did that?" The wound wasn't large, but looked relatively deep.

"Wild ghouls.", Dean only mumbled and Castiel realized that he must have pulled himself together the last few days. "Is the wound clean?", he asked Dean and Dean just nodded. Castiel opened the first aid kit and set about re-bandaging the injury. First, he patted it dry, then he helped Dean sit up and put a new bandage on him. With a groan, he let Dean sink back on the mattress and eyed him critically.

"You know, that's why you say where you are going or what you are experiencing, Dean.", Castiel explained and searched the first aid kit for medication. "I would never have fought with you if I had known about this wound." Dean mumbled something that sounded like, "Was worth it.", then he moaned again and held the bandaged injury.

"Do you have one of these stimpaks somewhere or something else that could be useful here?" Castiel asked and Dean nodded. "Dresser.", he managed to say and Castiel got up to go to the only dresser in the small bedroom. He opened the top drawer, which contained only clothes and an old leather book, so he closed it again. He found the drugs he was looking for in the next drawer. "That looks good," he said more to himself than to Dean and took out one of the stimpaks, as well as a pill box with anti-inflammatory pills.

“I'll give you the stimpak now and then I'll get Nuka Cola and you can wash down one of the pills. No arguing. “, he said sternly when Dean wanted to interrupt him. He took the stimpak and remembered how Charlie had simply rammed the syringe through his clothing into his skin and then pulled the lever on top of the stimpak. Castiel repeated her actions now on Dean and he groaned again as the contents of the syringe flowed into his body.

Castiel got up, then went to the refrigerator and took out one of the Nuka Colas that Dean had brought with him from when he disappeared, then went back to Dean and held out the Cola and pill. “Take both and then sleep. And never hide an injury from me again, understand? “, he determined, and Dean nodded limply. When he had drunk a few sips of Nuka Cola and taken the pill, he looked at Castiel embarrassed. "I am sorry. I thought I had overcome the worst. "

"I had expected another excuse.", Castiel said quietly and sat down on the lonely chair in the corner of the bedroom. Dean was already looking sleepy when he said: "I'm sorry that I didn't tell you that I'm going." "Will you do it again?" Castiel wanted to know and Dean was silent for a moment, then he nodded. "I have to.", he explained before Castiel could interrupt him. "But I'll tell you in the future _when_ I go."

Dean yawned and Castiel wanted to get up to let him sleep in peace, but Dean stopped him. “Can you stay here, please? If that's not asking too much..." "Okay, Dean.", Castiel simply said and sat back on the chair, crossed his legs and watched as Dean slowly fell asleep. Castiel looked at him for a while, looked at the fine scars on his chest, which were the only witnesses of past fights and then thought about how he could spend the next few hours without being bored or falling asleep. He didn’t want to leave Dean alone. Then he remembered the leather-bound book from the chest of drawers, opened it and took the book out. Little did he know that he would trigger something that would change his and Dean's life forever.


	8. The Diary

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello guys :)   
> Maybe I will add a few bonus chapters over the Christmas holidays as kind of a gift for all of you.   
> Enjoy the new chapter and thanks for the kudos and comments so far :)

The leather book in Castiel's hands had turned out to be a handwritten diary. The initials _JW_ were on the cover, so Castiel quickly suspected that it must be either Dean's father or another close relative with the surname Winchester. After reading a few pages it turned out from the content that it was indeed Dean's father.

_January 24, 2261_

_Today is a good day because Mary gave birth to a baby boy. I am a father! We decided to name him Dean after Mary's mother, Deanna. The birth went well and I'm so happy about it because it wasn't a given. I'm already looking forward to holding the little one in my arms for the first time._  
  
Castiel didn’t read all of the entries, but wherever Dean’s name came up, he paused. The other entries mostly dealt with raiders or creatures, which John described in more detail and even drew in many places.

_January 24, 2264_

_It's Dean's third birthday and he was allowed to shoot a gun for the first time today. I modified a small air rifle for him. He has proven to be amazingly accurate and I will now start taking him with me every now and then when I can be sure that we will only face small opponents. He entirely takes after his father. Mary isn’t too keen on this, but I only want the best for the little man. He should be able to survive in the wasteland and not be in constant danger._

_May 2, 2265_

_Dean had a little brother today. I suggested naming him after Mary's grandfather Samuel and now little Sam is with Mary and gets to know this world. I'm incredibly happy and Dean also understands that he now has a little brother. It is more important than ever that he learns to cope with the dangers of the wasteland because now he has a little brother to take care of._

Again, Castiel skipped a few pages, paused briefly at the drawing of a bloatfly and then stopped on a page on which the writing of Dean's father seemed to clearly have changed. It had always been quite coarse and strong, but here it suddenly seemed almost shaky and the pages were wavy, almost as if the writer had cried when he put the lines on paper.

_September 2, 2265_

_Those fucking assholes got Mary! I took Dean on a loot run, a sure thing, we only met a few smaller opponents and a Yao Guai. Everything went so well. But when we got back home, we first found a few bodies in the fields. I tried to prevent Dean from seeing them because he's too young for that, but he saw them. He ran to the house freaked out, but only found his little brother in his bed there and Sam cried so much. I do not know what to do! The raider tracks lead north, I'd love to follow them, but I can't take Sam on such a journey. He's still too small for that. But there is no body of Mary and so I am sure that she is still alive. She is strong and I will find her!_

Castiel swallowed. He got the feeling that he had dug a little too deep into Dean's past, but he couldn't just stop now. It was like a far too exciting novel that you just couldn't put away. Charlie had said Dean was born and raised outside of the Boston area and had spent much of his childhood in the wasteland, but he hadn't expected that turn. Castiel looked up briefly from the book and looked at the sleeping man on the bed.  
  
Dean didn't seem as relaxed at all as he did half an hour ago. Castiel closed the book and put it on the dresser, then got up to examine Dean more closely. He was trembling all over and at the same time beads of sweat appeared on his forehead. Castiel carefully put his hand on his cheek and noticed that Deans skin was glowing.  
  
While he went into the bathroom to soak a towel in water, he blamed himself. Why hadn't he noticed anything when Dean came back home? He must have suffered the last few days. Why did the two of them fight in the first place? It seemed to him like a triviality that he had been so angry about.  
  
With the damp towel he came back into the bedroom, where he carefully placed it on Dean's forehead. Castiel feared that Dean had a fever and was struggling with a serious infection. He stayed at Dean's bed until the man lying in it had calmed down halfway.  
  
Dean looked horrible. He looked thinner than a week ago and was as pale as a sheet and sallow. Castiel stroked his hair and reproached himself. He hadn't noticed that after his return Dean looked as if he hadn't had a decent meal for a few days. Perhaps he had even heard Dean moan in his bedroom at night, but he would never have suspected that this was due to a deep flesh wound. Why hadn't Dean said anything about how bad he was?  
  
When Castiel just wanted to move away from the bed to devote himself to the diary again and because Dean had actually calmed down, Dean suddenly grabbed his right hand and stopped him. "Cas, I'm freezing.", he mumbled weakly and Castiel looked around the bedroom for the familiar sleeping bag but didn't find anything. "I'll get you my sleeping bag, okay?" "Don't go away, Cas, please stay." Again, it was just a whisper that came over Dean's lips and Castiel thought for a moment and then quarreled with an idea that had burned itself into his brain.  
  
Dean began to tremble again and Castiel made a decision. The wound was to the right of Dean's navel and he didn't want to touch it, so he carefully lay down on Dean's left side without letting go of his right hand. When he had positioned himself comfortably next to Dean, he took his left arm and put it gently around Dean, being careful not to get to the bandage.

"Thank you, Cas.", Dean mumbled and snuggled a little closer to Castiel, who concentrated on his breathing and tried to ignore the fact that he was pressed from head to toe against the - _injured_ \- man of his dreams in a bed. Dean actually stopped shaking after a few minutes and Castiel was infinitely happy about it. He was still interested in what went on in the diary, but Dean still held his hand and he was afraid that Dean would start shaking again if he got up. So, after a few minutes Castiel also drifted into a gentle sleep.  
  
Castiel woke up again when the rays of the sun fell through the broken window into Dean's bedroom. It occurred to him that this time he hadn't had a nightmare. He hadn't dreamed of the fateful day of 2077 for the first time since waking from the Vault. The only time he hadn't dreamed before was the night after he was shot.  
  
He kept his eyes closed for a moment, then he opened them carefully, hoping to escape the situation completely unharmed. While they were asleep, they had apparently hardly moved, so they were still lying side by side in bed in a strange embrace. But when Castiel opened his eyes, it became clear to him that he would have to abandon his hope.  
  
He stared into two green, watchful eyes that examined his face carefully and then paused at his own eyes. "Good morning, Cas.", Dean said softly, and his voice sounded a bit hoarse. "How do I deserve this honor?" Castiel didn't move a millimeter, because he just then realized that it pleased him not only mentally but also physically to wake up next to Dean. He was hard in his pants and noticed only too clearly how he pressed into Dean's left hip.

"You were cold tonight and you didn't want me to go and get the sleeping bag.", Castiel stuttered truthfully and tried desperately to focus on other things than the topless Adonis next to him. _Mole rats, mole rats, mole rats_ , he repeated inwardly, but his problem didn't really get any smaller because Dean didn't take his eyes off his. _It's about to happen and he'll kick me out because he thinks I'm a perverted freak..._

“Thank you for taking care of me, Cas. Nobody has done that for years and I dealt with everything on my own. Feels a lot better, the injury. “ Castiel closed his eyes. "It was my fault that it opened back up." "Ah, poppycock! It would probably have opened again anyway. I just bandaged it in a hurry and didn't even bother with it, I have to admit. Maybe not the smartest move.”  
  
Castiel rolled his eyes. "Why didn't you tell me about your trip? Then I wouldn't have worried and none of that would have happened in this way.“ Dean, who was still on his back, turned his head away from Castiel and closed his eyes. Now Castiel had a good look at his neck and he suddenly was hot and cold.  
  
“I'm just not used to someone worrying about me, Cas. I didn't think it was necessary to let anyone know and admittedly I didn't even think that you would worry like that.” Then Dean opened his eyes again and at that moment his facial expression changed from relaxed and gentle to angry and disappointed.  
  
"Did you put the book there?", he snapped at Castiel and sat up so that Dean inevitably had to let go and Castiel got up hastily. “You had no right to rummage through my things, Cas!” “It was a coincidence, I swear. I looked for the medication and it fell into my hands.” “Put it back.” “I'm sorry, I didn't know that I wasn't allowed to touch or read it.” Castiel defended himself and Dean’s gaze turned again from anger and disappointment to bewilderment.  
  
"You ... can read that?", he asked startled and Castiel raised his hands defensively. "I'm sorry if I was invasive and..." "No, Castiel, what does it say? Nobody here could read John's writing, let alone me." He looked embarrassed, then added quietly, "The few letters I can read are not really helpful when it comes to long texts. And my father's handwriting is ... difficult. I never showed Sammy the diary, maybe he could read it, but I was too afraid of what he would read. "  
  
"Does that mean you don't even know what's in the book?" "No." "Dean, your mother... she may still be alive."


	9. The Pact

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Merry Christmas everyone :) ★☆★☆★

Castiel caught his breath when he could see from Dean's face that he hadn't known anything about what was in the diary. "I'll get it and we'll read it together?" Castiel asked carefully and Dean nodded in consternation. "Why _can_ you read it in the first place?", he wanted to know and sat up a bit further so that he was practically sitting against the wall behind his bed.

“I was a high school teacher. Every day I was confronted with the worst handwriting in the city and in order to be able to assign grades, I trudged through it. Much more important is the question why you _cannot_ read well." Castiel took the diary and Dean knocked invitingly next to him on the bed, so that Castiel sat down next to him. Their arms touched and the black-haired tried to ignore the tingling sensation this triggered.

“I never went to school and all I learned on our trip through the wasteland was how to fight. John made sure that Sam and I could write our names and maybe read a word or two, but otherwise it was more important for him that we could defend ourselves. Sammy learned to read better later in Diamond City, but I never thought that was important. I always hid the diary from him because I was afraid that it would say something about Mom's death in it. "

"There is nothing about it, Dean.", Castiel explained and opened the diary on the page where he had been interrupted last night. "He's writing here about being on a loot run with you and when he got back Mary was gone, but they let Sam live. And he writes that he has not found a body and therefore wants to follow their tracks. But he also writes that Sam is still too young to go on such a trip. "

"Are you sure?", Dean asked and sounded extremely insecure. "I am very sure." Castiel took his index finger and pointed to the almost illegible letters, then read aloud, “ _But there is no body of Mary and so I am sure that she is still alive. She is strong and I will find her!_ " "That was so many fucking years ago, Cas, do you think she's still alive?" "At least you should never give up hope, right?" "Read on.", Dean asked and Castiel nodded. Again, he scanned the texts before reading them out and decided only on the important entries that had nothing to do with monsters.

_June 16, 2270_

_We are heading north today. Dean is old enough to take care of Sam when I get food or take care of enemies, and Sam is old enough to keep up. I've heard of a raider group in Columbus and that's where our path will lead us first._

_June 27, 2270_

_The group in Columbus was a failure. We're going to avoid Atlanta and look for another group in old Chattanooga._

_July 15, 2270_

_Chattanooga was a failure. Going on to Dalton._

The entries became shorter and Castiel only skimmed them while Dean looked somehow absent and looked out the window into the settlement. He seemed to remember every single entry and interrupted Castiel at some point. "Dad was incredibly excited when I was 14, I think, can you find the entry?" Castiel flipped a few pages, then nodded and continued reading.

_October 16, 2275_

_I got a clear trace of Mary. She's still alive, that's for sure now. We'll leave Kingsport at dawn. The raiders sold them to the slave trader Eulogy Jones and he is said to be up to mischief somewhere in the DC area. We have to go on._

Castiel noticed that Dean swallowed and still did not look at the pages. He seemed to think twice, then said, “We were looking for Eulogy for six years, but John never said why we were looking for him. We didn't find him and when I was twenty and Sam was sixteen, we decided we didn't want to live in the wasteland anymore, looking for nothing. We thought dad was looking for our mother's killer! He didn't say that she might still be alive, if he did, I would never have...”

Dean had tears in his eyes, which he wiped away angrily. “See if you can find anything when I was 20 and we left him. We thought he'd gone mad, but he had a good reason to fight his way through the wasteland. "

_April 4, 2281_

_Sam and Dean are gone. I had a bad argument with them, and they are gone. My search goes on alone. I can't give up because I keep getting clues that she is still alive._

"That was eight years ago." Dean considered. "Dad died three years ago," he said, then checked off and Castiel flipped through the pages. “He writes at regular intervals that he receives clues that Mary is still alive. Now, no longer at Eulogy Jones’s, but somewhere else. But he couldn't make out exactly where she was and here ... this is his last entry. "

Dean put his right hand on his forehead and looked absent again. “You don't need to read it out. He was very close to Diamond City and Sam and I heard about it. I was still living in Diamond City back then and we rushed out to help him. We were too late.“ Dean grabbed the claw he wore on the chain and looked at Castiel steadfastly. “Three deathclaws, he would never have made it. He was dead and we buried him. Son of bitch, but we killed the deathclaws."

Castiel carefully took Dean's left hand in his and pressed it firmly and reassuringly. “I'm sorry for what you had to experience. But if John still got information about Mary three years ago, it could really be that she is still alive.” “We have to find her, Cas!” “Take it easy, we can't rush anything.” “We can't do that anyway. You can't just get out of there without preparation. And you're still a greenhorn, so not that much of a help."

"Thank you very much," Castiel replied bugged, let go of Dean's hand again and closed the diary crossing his arms. “Who says I want to come with you anyway?” “You wanted to look for Nate. Maybe we will both find what we have lost on our search," Dean suggested.

At that moment their conversation was interrupted by a loud knock on the front door. "Dean, you idiot, you overslept," Charlie could be heard yelling on the other side of the door. Castiel got up and gestured for Dean to stay seated. He left the bedroom, then walked down the hall and to the door, which he opened and was almost hit in the face by Charlie with her pounding fist.

"Hey, relax," he calmed her down and Charlie put both arms on his hips. “How should I relax when I want to sleep? Dean should take over the watch." "Dean is injured, Charlie.", Castiel explained and she looked at him confused. "What did you do?", she asked and then pushed past Castiel into the house.

"Dean?" "Bedroom.", the wanted one answered and Charlie trudged purposefully to the bedroom. "God, Dean!", she snorted and immediately began to take a closer look at him. "Why didn’t you say anything?!" Charlie spent the next few minutes changing the bandage again, treating the wound and scolding Dean. Castiel watched the scene from a safe distance because he stopped in the door frame.

“Next time you will let me know immediately if wild ghouls attack you. You stupid bastard, it could have ignited that much further. ", she finished her tirade and Dean just shrugged his shoulders. "Would have, could have, should have.", he said and got a blow to his leg from Charlie. "Cas, please watch out for the idiot. I'll see that someone else takes over the guard. And woe if I see you out there for the next few days, Winchester. "

With that she left the bedroom first and then the house and Dean started to laugh heartily. "This isn’t funny, Dean.", Castiel replied, but Dean just kept laughing. "I've had much worse injuries that I had to deal with on my very own," he explained, pointing to a fine scar on his left collarbone. "Mirelurk." Then he pointed to his right knee. “Super mutant beast. Should I continue?"

"Not necessary. I think we had a more important topic than the scars adorning your body.” “Right.”, Dean nodded and patted the mattress next to him again. This time, Castiel sat down so that he sat across from Dean and could look at him. “I'll teach you how to survive in the wasteland, then we'll get Sam and go find it. I'll help you find Nate, and you'll help us find clues about Mary. You can read and it's just worth so much when looking for her. Please say yes."

Castiel quarreled with himself. On the one hand, he wanted to find and talk to Nate, but on the other hand, he had seen more blood and open wounds in the past few weeks than in his life before the Great War. He scratched his head. Then he decided, “When you are fit again, you will teach me how to survive. And then I'll come with you and get to know Sam and if I survive the way to Diamond City, I'll decide what to do next. Agreed?" ”Agreed!", Dean replied and in the next moment he hugged Castiel tightly.

"Thank you for bringing hope back to me, even if I didn't know that it existed.", he whispered in Castiel's ear and a pleasant shiver ran down his spine. But before he could return the hug properly, Dean groaned again and let himself sink back onto the mattress. "Damn it," he scolded and put his hand on the bandage. "This will take a while."


	10. Healing And Fighting

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey lovely people of AO3 :)  
> Enjoy the new chapter and feel free to leave kudos or a comment, it gives me life :D  
> Also, I'd like to add that I finished the whole story which will have almost up to 100,000 words. Almost :)   
> New chapters will be posted on Sundays and Wednesdays.

The next few days, Dean spent most of the time in bed. Charlie had come back that evening, scolded him again and decreed strict bed rest. Castiel was surprised that Dean listened to her, but apparently, he was really struggling with the injury. In fact, it had ignited, luckily only slightly, and so Dean only dared to go outside the door after four days, even if without armor and a real task, as it would normally have been the case.

Castiel went on to his assigned tasks and spent the evenings together with Dean in the living room, where he was lying on the sofa and Castiel read from John's diary with crossed legs on the armchair. He no longer skipped some chapters but made sure that Dean got to hear every single word from his father. When he read about how happy John was about Sam’s and Dean’s birth, he noticed again that Dean had tears in his eyes, but he didn’t mention it any further.

Just the information about the monsters of the wasteland that Castiel read aloud to Dean already helped him prepare for anything. He read about bloatflies, which could be purulent, black, or glowing and squirt a disgusting mass on the attackers, but if you hunted them down, you could make delicious food from their flesh. Castiel's first encounter with a creature from the new world turned out to be a RAD-cockroach. In addition, the diary reported on stingwings, RAD-scorpions and blood beetles. Dean commented on every single one of the mutated insects and reported on his encounters with each one and so Castiel learned at least in theory how to fight the monsters.

John also wrote about wild ghouls, civilized ghouls, raiders and super mutants, and Dean commented, “Feral ghouls are annoying because they are quick but actually easy to take down. Shoot their legs away and they won't get any further. Ghouls are okay if you don't insult them with every breath you take. Some live in other settlements, so maybe you'll get to know them someday. They survived the Great War, too. Raiders are just scum. And super mutants have rather small heads for their size and are not particularly intelligent."

When they got to the mole rats, Yao Guais and RAD-deer, Dean reported with relish on the preparation of a RAD-deer steak, while Castiel slowly considered becoming a vegetarian. The drawing of a mirelurk caused Castiel to choke briefly and Dean laughed at it more than Castiel would have liked. In the end, John also described deathclaws that John knew he would soon have to fight against.

When the entries in the diary ran out, Dean took a watch again for the first time, but it would only last half as long as a normal watch - order from Charlie. In the meantime, she had taken over the management of the settlement so much that Castiel wondered when she would be given the sheriff's star. Dean didn't mind, he used the free time to talk to Castiel.

In addition, Dean noticed that it was easier for the settlement if there was a smooth transition between the leaders, because he was now sure that he would leave Sanctuary behind and look for his mother. He had already said that to Castiel several times and already thought about how they might get clues about Mary's whereabouts.

About a month after Dean's disappearance and reappearance, Charlie finally took the bandage off him and Dean decided that it was now time for Castiel to start "real training". He quickly got to know what Dean meant and Castiel was eager to learn everything he taught. Dean deepened his aim, showed him different weapons, and explained exactly how they could be modified. He also taught Castiel how to make armor and even ammunition himself.

Most of the time, however, Castiel spent proving himself in a duel against Dean. Apparently, it had bothered him that Castiel could overcome him in their argument after Dean's disappearance without any real problems and Castiel could not get rid of the feeling that this training was intended more for Dean than for himself. They did not fight hard, but bruises or one or the other scratch were the order of the day. However, it turned out that Castiel was faster and more agile than Dean, who had largely relied on his strength which Castiel could easily counter. On some days, the settlers met and watched the two of them like gladiators in ancient Rome.

Charlie taught Castiel how to properly clean and bandage wounds, which berries from the wasteland were good for making medicines, and most importantly, how to aim a sniper rifle. That was Castiel's weakness, because otherwise he was, according to Bobby, "not so stupid after all."

When it was evening again a few weeks later, Dean sat down on the opposite of Castiel at his kitchen table after their fight and was silent. That was not his way and Castiel knew immediately that something was burdening to Dean. "Spit it out," he said while cutting his baked pumpkin into pieces. "I have to go. About four days, I think.“ Castiel looked at him and Dean looked sad. "Where do you have to go?", Castiel wanted to know, but Dean shook his head.

“I can't tell you, Cas. Please understand. But when I'm back and this time in one piece, we'll make our way to Diamond City. I promise. “, he explained and stole a piece of the baked pumpkin from Castiel's plate. "Not that bad," he remarked appreciatively. Castiel pursed his lips. "Can I count on you coming back?”, he wanted to know. "Of course, Cas." "When do you have to go?" "Preferably immediately.", Dean explained and sounded almost sorry.

"Okay." Castiel had no choice but to accept his departure, he was already glad that Dean had said anything at all and had not just disappeared again. Dean got up and went into his bedroom, Castiel let the pumpkin be pumpkin and followed him slowly. Dean just put on the breastplate and had his back to him when Castiel stood in the door frame once more and watched him.

"Can you help me?", Dean asked carefully and Castiel shrugged his shoulders. Usually, Dean put on the armor alone and didn't need any help, but Castiel was admittedly happy every time he could touch the other man in any way. The longing for more did not become less, but at least some touching or their fights helped Castiel against his tension.

He took the leather strap that Dean held out to him and fastened it in the matching buckle. "Do you promise me to take care of yourself?", Castiel asked quietly and continued with the next strap. “I always take care of myself, Cas. Especially because now I have one more reason to come back.” Of course, they had to look for Mary.  
Dean turned on his heel and only now did Castiel notice how close they were. _This is not good_ , he thought, but his body, which the mind desperately ordered to take a few steps back, would not listen to him. Then Dean put his hands on Castiel's cheeks and pulled him closer. Castiel was so shocked that at first, he didn't understand what was happening, but when he realized that Dean's lips were on his, his whole body suddenly calmed down.

Deans lips felt exactly as Castiel had imagined since their first meeting and were so gentle that he destroyed the wall he had put up and simply gave in to the kiss. He put his hands on Dean's hips, pulled him closer and their mouths began moving together perfectly. Carefully, he dared to ask for entrance with his tongue, which Dean granted him immediately and acknowledged with a low moan.

In the meantime, Dean's hands had moved from Castiel's cheeks to his hair and Castiel enjoyed the way Dean pulled it lightly. The kiss changed from gentle tenderness into a raging passion and then all too suddenly it was over again and Castiel opened his eyes, which he hadn't even noticed that he had closed. Was he dreaming?

Dean was still close to him, but their bodies no longer touched. Only the slightly swollen, much too red lips of the other were a proof for Castiel of what had just happened in this room. Dean grinned briefly, then he wordlessly took his weapons, attached them to his armor and then stood for a brief moment in front of Castiel. He hadn't moved an inch after the kiss, he was much too incredulous and surprised for that.

Then Dean pushed past him into the hallway and paused for a moment before he kissed Castiel very lightly on the forehead. "See you in four days," he said with a grin and left the hallway, then the house and probably also the settlement. Castiel stood there for a while and didn't really know what to do with himself.

At some point he clenched his fists and just started screaming, letting out all the pent-up excitement. He didn’t feel as tense as before they kissed. Dean had initiated everything and as long as he had not been drunk or been on other drugs, Castiel was absolutely sure that Dean would not consider him a freak. Maybe this new world wasn't so bad after all.


	11. The Coming-Out

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Happy New Year :) 
> 
> Warnings: mentions of past homophobic experiences

One day after Dean's disappearance, Castiel still hadn't realized exactly what had happened when they said goodbye. He had no one to talk to about it, so he kept silent most of the day and actually only talked to the children, who by now could read passably. Writing proved to be difficult, but more practice in the future would improve their overall skills.

On the second day after Dean's disappearance, Castiel realized that they had _kissed_. He wasn't woken up by a nightmare, but by Dean's wet lips on his and when he was awake, staring into the darkness in frustration and wondering if he could go back to sleep, he knew that his brain couldn't have made that up . It had felt so real that he knew he must have lived it. Castiel had not kissed many men before Dean.

The third day ended with a meeting of the settlers around a fire, where new tasks were discussed, and old stories were told. Everyone was listening to Castiel because his pre-war stories created a few moments of distraction for everyone. Castiel also shared stories that happened before he was born, and the settlers listened in almost disbelief as he recounted how America was discovered.

Day four after Dean's disappearance began with Castiel doubting the kiss had really happened. He had understood that it was reality, but he couldn't get rid of the feeling that there was _something_ wrong with it. The urge to talk about it to someone grew and because it didn't seem like the only one who also knew about the kiss would be back in the next few days - even if the four-day deadline had expired, Bobby had told Castiel, that Dean usually stayed away for a week – so he decided to tell the only person he trusted as much as Dean.

Castiel still didn't take the watch alone but had offered Charlie to keep her company. She was very happy about the distraction and gratefully accepted the offer. They were silent for a little while, Charlie reported on her unpleasant encounter with synths, during which she had almost lost an eye, and Castiel talked about the time before the war and what Sanctuary and Concord had looked like before the bombing.

At some point Castiel took a deep breath and then brought out, with enormous effort, "Dean kissed me." Charlie, who was still gazing over the wasteland outside the settlement, began to grin. "That sounds very much like Dean.", she said and looked at Castiel briefly. She seemed to notice that he was uncomfortable with the whole situation immediately. “Was he too forward, Cas? That's typical Dean, if you didn't want it, I'll kick him in the balls when he comes back. "

"That won't be necessary.", Castiel said immediately and tried to calm down Charlie, who was already upset. "It just took me by surprise, but I can't say that I didn't like it.”, he said quietly and scratched his head, embarrassed. In the past he hadn't talked to anyone about it, he had hardly any acquaintances, let alone friends, in his old world and his brother Gabriel had had way too much to do with his own relationships to take care of Castiel's concerns. Castiel wasn't even sure if Gabriel had known that he was into men.

"I just didn't expect Dean to be gay." "What?" Charlie looked as if she didn't understand him and so Castiel repeated what was said. She still looked at him with incomprehension. Castiel suspected that he had said something wrong and was about to apologize when Charlie cocked his head curiously and asked, "What does _gay_ mean? That's a new word for me. “Castiel looked at her in disbelief, then he began to laugh softly and almost hysterically.

“Charlie, I didn't expect Dean to be into men. Just like me. That’s what gay means." "Oh, actually Dean is into everything that has legs as far as I know. ", Charlie replied and shrugged her shoulders. "I like women," she said when Castiel was still looking confused and incredulous. “Not that you had any hope. And Dean, he finds all people kind of exciting, but I think he's just more into men. I've never thought about it before. "

Castiel was almost pulling his hair out now. Could he have gotten to the only person in the settlement who reacted understandingly to him or could it really be that in this new world you couldn't get a label for your sexuality and were ostracized? He decided to dig deeper. "So, you mean, nobody here cares about whether you like men or women or..." "Nope." Charlie replied.

"Do you actually know what that means?" Again, Castiel laughed almost hysterically and Charlie indicated him to be a little quieter in this starry night, otherwise enemies would soon be aware of them. “Charlie, I've had to hide and withdraw all my life. I realized early on that I think men are more interesting than women and I didn't just leave Boston because I had better job prospects at Concord. It was found out that I was gay and that is why I was declared an enemy of the state."

This time it was Charlie who looked at him in disbelief. “The world seems to have changed for the better. It doesn't matter who or what you sleep with, who or what you love. That never mattered here. Though I really don't quite understand the people who are into second generation synths. But I would never judge them for that. Just don’t understand it."

“Do you actually know how much it took out of me to talk to you about it? I thought you would judge me like many people before you. I haven't told anyone about it since moving to Sanctuary and I kept it a secret. It was the best thing for me in the situation and I would have resigned myself to the fact that no one would ever find out about it again.” “Maybe that was the reason why they froze you. Not a coincidence, but your fate. So, you get the opportunity to be happy which wouldn’t be possible in your old world. ", Charlie interjected and Castiel nodded absently.

This new information changed everything. He would never have to hide again, never have to meet men in dark street corners again. He'd never met up just like that, but when he got to know someone and felt more about them, it was easier to meet in secret. But he had never been the one-night stand type. Had Dean flirted with him from the start? Castiel thought and thought briefly about every single situation and then he slapped his forehead with the flat of his hand.

"Now he's completely crazy.", Charlie said more to herself than to Castiel, but the latter explained, "I think that Dean wanted something from me from the start and I was just too blind to recognize it." “Maybe I should get you glasses, right? "Castiel became quieter again because he had noticed something. "Charlie, you said that Dean likes everything that has legs ..." he began, but Charlie immediately waved him off.

"You do not have to worry. He is more loyal than Nate’s German Shepherd. Haven't seen any romantic relationships with him in the entire time here and I'm pretty sure he doesn't go on his tours to visit the next best brothel in Diamond City. He seems much too tense for that." She laughed briefly, then added: "Dean doesn't have two strings to his bow. I'm not sure he even has one string on his bow. But I just noticed that he flirts more with men than with women." She laughed, then added, “I would be pretty pissed, if he flirted with Jo, if you know what I mean.”

"So, you're telling me that I have serious, unchallenged opportunities with Dean, for whom I've been hiding my feelings since my first day in this new world? Wait, I have to process that first.” “You won’t have much time for that. ”, Charlie replied with a smile and pointed over the wall of the watchtower in the direction of the small bridge that led to the southwest. Castiel rose slowly and saw an outline that was moving slowly in the darkness.

"It's good that I'm not taking on the watch alone yet.", Castiel noted, startled. “If I had seen that, I might have shot him.” “That's exactly why we don't leave beginners alone. Come on, we'll let him in. ", She explained, then she added," You can clearly see from his movements, even from a distance, that it's Dean. Also, only few have horses in these areas. "

They went down the watchtower and ran to the southwest gate that Charlie opened with a few skillful movements. Castiel stayed on the way, but dodged a bit when Dean trotted a little too quickly through the gate. "Went great.", he said, turned around a bit on the horse and then got off. Castiel couldn't help but notice how good Dean looked on the horse. He carefully allowed himself to let in the pent-up feelings of longing.

"Well, it didn't go _that_ great.", Charlie stated and punched Dean on the shoulder. She pointed to his forehead and only now did Castiel notice in this dark environment that Dean had a laceration on his forehead which fortunately didn’t bleed anymore. "Grazing shot?“ He just shrugged his shoulders, took the saddlebags from his horse, and shouldered them. Charlie decided, "It doesn't look too bad, I'll come to you after my watch and you'll get a plaster for the ouchie." Dean stuck his tongue out at her, then he took his horse by the halter and went on his way to bring it to the safe stable.

Castiel looked after him for a moment, then he felt Charlie's hand on his left shoulder. “Don't worry that he barely greeted you. That's Dean, you have to get used to it. He's a special contemporary, as I've already noticed in my years here. I can't believe I'm talking to you about _men_. Well, Cas, go get him, tiger."


	12. Radiation Storms

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey guys :)   
> It's currently snowing here and I don't really like that :D It's way too cold and always to muddy here :D  
> Enjoy the new chapter!

Dean had brought his horse back to the stable, took care of it and then came to the little house where Castiel had been waiting for him. Dean mumbled nothing but "Goodnight", and then disappeared into his bedroom. Castiel, who would have liked to talk about the events four days ago, was left alone and disappointed in the kitchen and then decided to go to bed too. The night wasn't even half over, he didn't envy Charlie at all for being awake.

He tossed around restlessly in bed, knowing full well who was lying in his own bed on the other side of the hall and certainly thinking about the events of the past few days. Castiel thought seriously about just peeling himself out of his sleeping bag, getting up and walking over so he could lie down with Dean and talk to him about what had happened. Sanity held him back. Surely Dean was tired, drained and didn't feel like talking to Castiel, otherwise he would have already done it, right?

At some point Castiel must have fallen asleep. He slept little, because every time he slept for more than a few hours, the dreams that he did not want to dream overtook him. It was like this now, too and he found himself in his old, undamaged house in Sanctuary. In the old world he would have looked for a shrink to talk about it, but he feared that there was no such thing in the new world. He looked out the window of his house and then the bombs fell and Castiel was on fire.

Waking up was rough and Castiel screamed briefly when the loud crash of the bombs caught up with him in reality. He was sitting upright in his bed, there were no bombs, but there was another deafening bang from outside. "What the hell...", Castiel asked himself in panic and covered his ears in a first instinct. The bang was followed by an electric whirring in the air that made the hair on the back of his neck stand. Surely, he was still dreaming.

Suddenly, however, Dean stood in his door. "Cas, calm down.", he said tiredly, but again there was a loud bang and Castiel winced. Dean closed the door behind him and laid down next to Castiel in the bed without asking and half crawled into his open sleeping bag. Castiel didn't understand what was happening, he just had to concentrate on breathing somehow.

"Cas, lie down again.", Dean said, sounding still very tired and put his arm around Castiel, who moved carefully from the sitting to the lying position. “It's a radiation storm, thunderstorm. These are normal, if very rare. As we get further south there will be more of them, you will get used to them. Nothing happens as long as we're in a house, I promise. Try to sleep again. "

Castiel was still breathing much too restlessly. The loud thunders reminded him of the fateful day so many years ago, which he had survived, but so many of his neighbors did not. Only when Dean brushed the hair from his forehead and reassuringly stroked his cheek, Castiel came to rest a little. "Just concentrate on something else.", Dean muttered softly and closed his eyes again. It almost looked like he was used to these thunderstorms.

After a few moments the caressing hand on his cheek went limp and Castiel realized that Dean must have fallen asleep next to him. Still distracted by the thunder and shimmer of the air, he didn't really notice that he and Dean were in a sleeping bag _together_. At some point Castiel had also made it back to sleep and this time his nightmares stayed away.

Rather, he dreamed of a vacation with his brother Gabriel, which had never happened. Castiel enjoyed the warm sun on his skin and laughed at his older brother's bad jokes. And then suddenly in his dream there was Dean who ran past him into the blue sea and dragged Gabriel with him into the water. Castiel followed the two and together they laughed and swam in competition.

This time Castiel didn't wake up because he was scared and had to get rid of a panic attack, but because he was incredibly warm. The thunderstorm had passed. He was almost too warm, but when he opened his eyes and noticed that the warmth came from Dean, who had laid his head on his chest and was snoring softly, he didn't really think about the warmth anymore.

It was still dark outside, but Castiel sensed that they were approaching dawn. He looked at Dean for a while in the dark, then it _really_ got too warm and he tried to get away from the other man a bit. "Five more minutes...", Dean mumbled, snuggled closer to Castiel, and clawed his left hand firmly into the man's T-shirt. Then he seemed to notice where he was and slowly opened his eyes.

Blue met green and then both men had to grin. "Good morning, Dean.", Castiel greeted him and Dean yawned extensively. "Morning, Cas.", he said softly, then he seemed to want to move away from Castiel a bit. However, he shook his head. "I'm warm, but I'm really happy to wake up next to you.", he said softly and Dean's grin grew wider.  
"I thought I had crossed a line here because I came to your bed tonight without asking for permission, but I saw how scared this stupid thunderstorm made you and my first idea to lay down with you, like I did with Sam when he was afraid of the thunderstorms."

“I wake up almost every night dreaming about the bombings again, Dean. I woke up tonight and it was thundering that moment. I thought I was going through it all over again and couldn't breathe properly for a few moments. Thank you for calming me down.", Castiel said and smiled at Dean, who had let his head sink back on his chest satisfied.

“I'm glad I wasn't cold and woke up from it. You are really like a little stove.", he said and laughed lightly. "Cas?", he then began and laid down so that he could look Castiel in the eyes directly. "I hope I didn't throw you off guard when I just left. I know that I'm not the easiest person and that I offend people sometimes, but I try my best to do it differently with you, okay? "

"You just surprised me.", Castiel explained. “Mainly because I didn't know at that time that it doesn't matter here at all whether I like men or women as a man.” “Is that what it was like in your old world?” “You have no idea.“, Castiel snorted. "I talked to Charlie about it and I was totally panicking, thinking about that you would think I was a freak."

"Maybe a little...", Dean laughed and Castiel glared at him playfully. “I realized early on that I was differently than most people in the old world. I found women nice and pretty, but never really attractive. Then when I started dating guys secretly in high school, I realized pretty quickly that I was just more comfortable with it. But the people around me didn't feel comfortable with it. I was marginalized at university when it came out who I was dating. I had to listen to stupid insults and in the end, I was even beaten up. One reason why I started running - if I'm faster than the others, they won't get me. "

Castiel paused for a moment and noticed that Dean was listening attentively. “Anyway, after graduation I applied to a school in Boston, but was not treated well by the staff. At some point the offer came from Concord and I moved. I haven't said a word about my preference for men here. I was just the bachelor teacher, and everyone accepted me. Better days. And now Charlie reveals to me that in this new world no more distinctions are made."

“Absolutely right, Cas. It really doesn't matter who you like or not, in case of doubt it doesn't even matter _what_ you like. Since the story with the synths and the railroad, attitudes towards androids have partly changed, but everyone has to do what makes them happy.", Dean stated, then he frowned. “If I had to name it, I like both men and women. But I usually find men more interesting. And I found you very interesting from the start.” He grinned.

"So, I'm really blind.", Castiel mumbled and Dean's grin turned into a loud laugh. “I wouldn't call it blind, but if you've grown up with different basics in a completely different time, I can understand why I felt like I banged my head against a brick wall with you. When I had to leave the other day, I just dared it and had actually already expected that I would be met with a rebuff.” He smirked.

“I just didn't expect at all that I had a chance. But you mustn't get me wrong now. I liked you from the beginning, but somehow, I just didn't see that you were interested in me." Then Castiel added quietly, "I hope honest interest, Dean. Charlie said something, but I want to hear from you. I'm not a man for one night; not with my history."

"So, you think I am? I had one long-term relationship back in Diamond City, but it just didn't work out and we went separate ways. In the end, I ended up in Sanctuary and so far, nothing has happened here." Castiel looked at him still slightly unsettled and Dean explained, "I like to flirt. It's just fun, but I don't expect much from it, I swear."

"I noticed that you like to flirt.", Castiel laughed and then both men became more serious again. "So, it worked?", Dean asked and Castiel noticed that he was getting closer and closer to him. "How could I resist someone like you ...", Castiel began in a low voice, but before their lips touched very lightly and this would have led to who knows what, there was a knock on the front door.

The sun had risen in the meantime and Dean groaned annoyed. "Are you dressed?", Charlie asked on the other side of the door and Dean replied, "No, Charlie." "I'll come in anyway. Your injury... “, she decided loudly, and Dean rolled his eyes. He slipped out of the sleeping bag, then got up and left Castiel's small room.

“You're dressed, Dean. Didn't expect that." "Oh, shut up.", Castiel heard Dean say and then it went quiet for a few moments. After a few minutes, Dean came back into Castiel's room and said with an apologetic look, "I think we have to get up and pack. We need to explain to the people in the settlement that we are leaving Sanctuary indefinitely. At least I, maybe you decide against a tour through the wasteland if you survive the way to Diamond City." "You won’t get rid of me anymore.", Castiel replied and earned another big grin from Dean.


	13. The Younger One

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Have fun :)

The residents of the settlement had received the news that Dean had announced that morning surprisingly well. He hadn't said a word that they were looking for his mother, only that he and Castiel would be leaving Sanctuary for an indefinite period of time and it was not certain if they would come back. Many of the settlers took it more calmly than Castiel would have expected. Ellen was the only one who hugged Dean crying and wished that he would stay. Castiel had noticed for a long time that she was worried about Dean like a son. Officially, they would be looking for Nate because of Castiel.

The farewell to the remaining members of the settlement was unspectacular and yet Castiel knew that he would miss them all. He wanted the children to continue improving their reading skills and practice writing, and they promised that they would read him a book when he came back. Bobby squeezed both of them a moment too long and mumbled something that sounded like "Idjits", but Castiel wasn't sure about that.

Charlie hugged them last and whispered in Castiel's ear, "Take care, Blue. It would be a shame if I‘d only get to know you for such a short time." "Four months are not that short.", Castiel smiled and Charlie frowned. “I don't have a calendar; for me it wasn’t that long. But you did well in that time. ", she stated. "I'll open the southwest gate for you later."

The packing went very quickly for Castiel. All he owned was the Vault suit because Dean had more or less gifted him the weapons he had. Castiel meticulously made sure that his 10mm pistol was loaded and that he had enough ammunition for it. The other weapon he'd chosen was a relatively heavy hunting rifle, which Dean said was to easy find enough ammunition for in the wasteland. With Charlie's help, he had modified the range and also attached a small telescopic sight so that it could also be used as a sniper rifle in an emergency.

In the meantime, Castiel also got an armor that he had borrowed from the settlers. It was relatively sturdy but made of leather and therefore didn't endure quite as much as Dean's armor. However, he had assured him that it was no problem to find new armor in the wasteland. Castiel had the few belongings that he already owned stowed directly on his body. When he came to Dean in his bedroom, the other handed him a backpack and a machete.

“It's especially good for small opponents. I brought it back from my last outing. And also…” He opened the dark green backpack, which might have belonged to a member of the army before the war. Inside were some stimpaks, pill cans, tin cans with food and clean water, as well as a portion of new clothes and a sleeping bag for Castiel. “We travel with small luggage. I don't plan to take the horse with me as I don't know where we're going. I'd rather leave it here, so I have a good reason to return. "

Castiel took the backpack and shouldered it, then watched how Dean put his knife in the holder on his belt. He also tucked his handgun and shotgun close to his body. “I am curious what we will find on the way and which enemies we will encounter. I have a small laser pistol and brass knuckles in my backpack, which will probably come in handy too. And ammunition, I've packed as much as possible. "

"I have the feeling that I cannot understand the scope of what I have gotten into.", Castiel sighed and Dean raised his eyebrows. “It's not that bad at all. At least not the way to Diamond City. But unfortunately, I cannot at all assess where the trail - if we find one - will lead us. Nate wanted to go south, maybe we have to go further north. I don’t know."

“Nobody asks you to know that either. In any case, I'll do what I can to find clues about your mother." "And I'll have your back, Cas. ", Dean smiled, then opened the closet one last time and grabbed something from the top shelf. "Maybe we will find the right one for you on the way..." he explained, then put a black cowboy hat on his head. It had a large brim, curved sides, and a thin white ribbon around the top of the hat. "Got it from a traveler from _New_ Vegas.", Dean smirked and Castiel's mouth remained open when Dean stood in front of him.

Dean looked so handsome it should be illegal. His outfit hadn't changed much, but Castiel allowed himself a blatant stare for the first time since arriving in Sanctuary. Dean wore the same dark green cargo pants as always, the same functional boots. The light brown T-shirt was half tucked into his pants and the gun belt hung loosely over his waist. He wore a shirt over his T-shirt and his armor over that. The overall picture was rounded off by this hat that worked outrageously well for him. Castiel suddenly felt quite underdressed.

"Like what you see, Cas?" Dean asked noticing the stare. Castiel accidentally licked his lips and Dean shook his head with a grin. "Very subtle.", he stated, then he went past Castiel into the kitchen and packed the last - because fresh - supplies in his backpack. Castiel needed a moment until he had calmed down again, then he followed Dean and so they left the house in the safe Sanctuary one last time in the early afternoon.

Charlie said goodbye to both of them with a hug again and Castiel noticed wistfully that she had tears in her eyes when she opened the gate. "Take care of yourselves. I don't want to hear at some point that my best friends have died in the wasteland. “, she called when Castiel and Dean already left the safe settlement and were now standing in front of the old stone bridge. Castiel looked at the first old rusty car that he saw up close in the New World and Dean pointed out, "Don't shoot at it, the things can blow up." "Makes sense, they were powered by mini-fusion cores.", Castiel noted and then they had crossed the stone bridge and neither of them dared to look back.

Dean knew a way to Diamond City that had been relatively safe since Nate cleaned up here a few years ago and since Sam had been controlling the area's trade routes. They followed this path as far as possible, first past the old Red Rocket Station, then they crossed the bombed and badly destroyed Concord. Castiel was almost a little sad when he saw the remains of the old high school and he swallowed hard.

The bombs had fallen so early in the morning 250 years ago that most of his students had certainly not been here yet. At least they had died at home, a small consolation, but it felt like a heavy lump in Castiel's throat. In the next settlement they arrived in, the Starlight Drive-In, they were greeted nicely and were allowed to spend their night there. It was a Minutemen settlement and so close to Sanctuary Hills that they seemed to know Dean very well.

They spent the night in the old screen of the drive-in cinema, at the top, as Dean decided, because he didn't want to sleep with the other settlers, and he found it safest so high up in this settlement. Castiel had already spread out his sleeping bag and taken off his armor when Dean was still standing on the iron railing of the canvas and staring into the distance. "Do you really think she's out there somewhere?", he asked Castiel and his voice sounded absent. "If she's out there, we'll find her, Dean.", Castiel promised. Dean's sleeping bag remained unused during the night because they slept together in Castiel's sleeping bag. Quoting Dean, "I don't want to be cold and you don't want to have a nightmare, do you?"

They left the drive-in cinema very early the next day, they only said goodbye to the leader of the settlement, then continued south, past Lexington and the old Corvega factory. "We'll make it by tonight if nothing comes up.", Dean explained and then told about his experiences in these places. “Back then, I rushed through here with Nate, you can't even imagine that. Everything was full of raiders here, and as you know; I still have a score to settle. It was an exciting time with Nate, but I was also very happy when it was all over. "

"Did you two date?", Castiel accidentally asked out loud and Dean laughed. “Nate likes women. He was married and was looking for his son. He had other things on his mind than me.“ Castiel noticed that he was blushing, and Dean put his hand on his shoulder as they walked. “At that time, I also had other things on my mind than starting something with the Sole Survivor. I went with Nate because I broke up with my boyfriend at the time and I wanted to draw a clear line.” “Couldn't have been clearer.” “I could have been killed. Could happen here any day."

By late afternoon they had crossed the river that separated them from Diamond City. On the way they had not met many monsters; Castiel had his first encounter with a gas fly ("Disgusting, disgusting, disgusting!") and Dean killed some stingwings with his knife before Castiel had even noticed them. In the evening, they arrived in the narrow streets of the ruined city that must once have been Cambridge and Dean pointed to a sign.

“You can follow these signs anywhere in the area, then you will come to Diamond City. In case we should lose each other and agree that we will meet here again. ", Dean explained and Castiel nodded. Then they stood in front of a large, brown-green gate, which was adorned in the center with exactly this symbol. "We're there.", Dean explained and went ahead.

There was a small entrance and behind it, Diamond City security officers scrutinized them. "Winchester, Dean. And that's Castiel. My partner.” “Here for your brother? You know the rules. No weapons.” “How often do I have to repeat it?”, Dean moaned, and the officer raised his hands defensively. "I didn't make the rules. No excuses." So Castiel and Dean left their weapons with the officers and Dean glared at them. "If anything happens to that, I'll scalp you personally." The officer swallowed.

A moment later, the other one pressed a button and a door opened, through which first Dean and then Castiel stepped. Now Castiel understood where they were. He had been here before, to a _Boston Red Sox_ game, with his brother Gabriel. "We're in Fenway Park.", Castiel breathed venerably and Dean just shrugged his shoulders. "The big, green jewel," he said, pointing to a house on the very edge of the many houses that were inside the ballpark.

Castiel saw something like a market and loud music was playing, but he focused more on not losing Dean and following him. He blended uncomfortably well into the people who were walking around here on the streets and Castiel had trouble keeping close to him. Suddenly, they were upstairs at the house and Dean knocked on the metal door hard. "Sammy, it's me,", he almost yelled and there was a loud rumbling on the other side of the door.

Then the door opened, and a really tall man stood on the other side and looked first at Dean, then Castiel. He looked tired. Sam didn't really look like Dean at first glance, but they had the same rather gaunt figure, and, in their eyes, you could read the stories of the past. However, while Dean kept his hair short, Sam’s was almost at shoulder length and slightly darker than his brother's. Castiel noticed how young the man looked, even though he apparently already ran a trading empire and then he spoke for the first time.

"You shouldn't call me Sammy, Dean.", he grumbled, then opened the door completely. "Who did you bring with you?", he asked curiously, and Dean grinned. "This is Cas, Cas - this is my little brother Sam." "Younger, but not shorter.", Sam grinned and Castiel noticed straight away how charismatic the younger Winchester was.


	14. Persuasion

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> What do you think about the younger Winchester? :)

Sam's house wasn't very big and packed with all sorts of junk. A wooden ladder to the left led to a kind of gallery with an old bed on it, and under the gallery was a jumbled kitchen. In the middle of the room was an old sofa, in one corner a desk and on the right side the door to a small bathroom was ajar. Books and papers piled up in different places and Castiel thought for a moment how it fit together that Dean was functionally illiterate, and Sam had apparently set up half a library in his home. But there was also just a lot of stuff in the little house, things that Castiel would consider scrap at first glance.

His thoughts were interrupted. "What are you doing in Diamond City?", Sam wanted to know and leaned against one of the wooden pillars that supported the gallery with his arms crossed. "You haven't been here for a long time." "This.", Dean explained and took his backpack so that he could rummage in it. Then he held up John's diary and Sam narrowed his eyes.

" _You_ had it?", he asked incredulously and Castiel suspected that Dean had made a mistake with his decision of not telling Sam about it. Dean nodded, however, looking slightly sad. "I know I lied out there by the radio tower when I said Dad didn't have it, but I did that to protect you." Sam grumbled contemptuously. "I had no idea what was in it." Dean opened a random page and held it out to Sam.

While he tried to read with a strained look, Dean said to Castiel, "Dad guarded it jealously. We weren't allowed to touch it as children and he actually always carried it with him. I found his body in the wasteland and picked up the diary before Sam was there. We had received an emergency call signal and I was closer because I was rummaging through the area with Nate. Then, I told Sam he hadn't had it with him. And yes, Sam ... " he turned to his brother, who glared at him again. "I know I lied, but I was afraid there was something in it that you shouldn't read."

"Dean, I was twenty-one. Not twelve. In case you had mixed up anything.", Sam grumbled, then he said, "I can't even read it. I read a lot, but they are all books with printed words. I have even dared to do pre-war reading. But that is a whole nother world from reading manuscripts. That could ... I'd have to guess. " He held the book away from him, only to hold it closer to his face again, as if he should be using glasses.

"This is where Cas comes into play.", Dean explained, and Cas shrugged his shoulders a little insecure. "I can read it. Was a high school teacher in 2077 and, to be honest, your father's writing isn't that bad." "Pardon?", Sam paused and got a smirk from Dean through the expression on his face. "I said, the writing is not that bad.", Castiel repeated and Sam rolled his eyes. “Dean, he is as upsetting as you are. The teacher's thing and the year. Don't tell me you're a face transplant ghoul."

“I'm from Vault 111, up in Sanctuary. We were frozen and apparently all capsules, except for Nate’s and mine, fell victim to a technical error. I woke up a few months ago and ran into Dean. Nate left me a message and I would like to find him, but there is now another reason why I left the safe settlement. ", Castiel explained and held out his hand for the diary.

You could tell from Sam that he was reluctant to give it up, because he had cared about John even if he didn't show it. Castiel took it from him and turned a few pages, then read aloud. Finished, he said, “In summary, that means your mother could still be alive and John was looking for her the whole time. I don't know why he didn't tell you, but I would pick up where he left off.” “Eulogy?”, Dean asked and Castiel nodded.

Sam brushed the long hair from his forehead. “We looked for the bastard for so long, but he kept slipping through our fingers. Back then, Dad didn't have the connections I have today. I can try to find out where Eulogy Jones is, and I'm probably more subtle than Dad, so he doesn't run away. How old is the guy now? "" Mid-fifties? ", Dean assumed, and Sam nodded. "I'll ask around Diamond City and see that we can get hold of the slave trader."

“What do you think of looking at your father's grave again to see if there are any clues? He was also in this place looking for Mary. ", Castiel suggested and saw that both Sam and Dean were not enthusiastic about the idea. “It's pretty close to the _glowing sea_ , that's why three deathclaws attacked him at the same time. Otherwise, that only happens to the unlucky ones. I don't know if that's such a good idea. ", Dean said, and Sam nodded. "If we leave Diamond City without a hot lead, that would be our first point of contact, but I don't want to put you in danger.", Dean said, and his voice became a little quieter at the end, so only Castiel could hear him.

“I hate to be in Diamond City, but I'll survive for a week. We give Sam the time he needs and if we leave the city without result, we just have to go to John's grave first. "" What is the _glowing sea_? ", Castiel wanted to know and Sam explained, "A death trap. Bombs are said to have fallen somewhere there and I've heard that people even live in the craters, but I think that's just a rumor. In any case, the closer you get to the sea, the greater the radiation exposure. The thunderstorm a few days ago charged over the sea and that's why the air crackles when it thunders. "

"Sam, since you read so much, you annoy me even more than before.", Dean grumbled, but you could tell from his grin that he wasn't really serious. Instead, he went to his brother and now apparently greeted him correctly for the first time - they hugged each other warmly and Castiel could feel the close connection that both brothers shared and that had not been weakened by spatial or temporal distance.

“I want to be a good host to you for the week. I'll ask about the bastard and rearrange my business so that it works when I'm gone for a while. I really hope you're right in thinking Mom is still alive, but somehow, I don't dare to fully hope. Still, I'll come with you.", Sam decided when Dean let him go again. “I'm sure you're hungry. You can bring your things upstairs. “, he pointed to the gallery and Dean took the backpack and the armor from Castiel, then he climbed upstairs skillfully and put their things there next to Sam's bed.

"Do you still have the mattress somewhere?", he asked from above and looked down over the edge of the gallery. "At the back, I think." "Do I want to know what you're doing with it?" "Nope.", Sam replied and had gone to a door that Castiel had not even noticed before. He opened it, there was a lot more clutter behind it and Sam disappeared into the room for a short moment until he returned with a sagging mattress.

"Fascinating that you didn't throw it away.", Dean giggled, and Sam rolled his eyes again. “You know me, I keep anything that is of any use,” he stated and then added, “And I can't throw away my big brother's bed. The mattress smelled so good of you - and rat excrement.” “Wait until I get down there!”, Dean threatened, and Sam laughed. Castiel couldn't get rid of the feeling that the next few weeks would be exhausting, but full of laughter.

Sam somehow managed to hold the mattress to the edge of the gallery and Dean took it from him. "Now you just have to come to an agreement about who's going to sore his back on the wooden floor.", Sam said and then went towards his kitchen. "I suggest you rock-paper-scissors. Dean always takes scissors.”, he said softly, so that only Castiel could hear it. But Castiel already suspected that they didn't even have to come to an agreement.

“You must be hungry. I still have instamash and iguana on the spit. ", Sam stated when he opened the small refrigerator. Then he said more to himself than to Castiel, "I will definitely have to stock up before we go on our way." "Iguana sounds great.", Dean called from above and Castiel saw how he was already descending the wooden ladder again. "As long as you don't force me to eat crunchy mutfruit again..."

They sat down in the kitchen and Sam prepared the food while pestering Castiel about the prewar period. During the meal, Dean interfered and reported on his time in Diamond City. “Sam and I basically built this house together. The gallery was my idea, I wanted the house to have something special. Besides, you won't be seen up there immediately if they storm the house in the night. ”, Dean laughed as if he had made a _very_ good joke, but Sam glared at him again vaguely.

“We've lived here since we left Dad. Sam built his trading routes and I kept myself afloat doing odd jobs. At some point, Nate came to town and I decided to go with him.” “You really scared me. But I also understand that you wanted to go after the thing with..." “Don't you enjoy living alone? ", Dean interrupted his brother, who was just about to start about his old love life. “Of course, I enjoy it. I didn't miss your snoring. ", he laughed, and Dean grumbled, "I don't snore..." Sam just shrugged his shoulders.

In fact, the instamash tasted just like it did before the war, which Castiel worried a little, and the iguana wasn't quite as bad as Castiel had feared. "Better than bloatflies, but worse than mole-rats," he stated after his plate was empty. "Wait until we catch the first mirelurk.", Sam grinned, and Dean looked at him slightly disgusted. "Not my taste.", he simply said.

When everyone had finished eating, Sam set about tidying things up roughly, then he packed a few small pieces of paper in the pockets of his pants - only now Castiel noticed that Sam's pants had _a lot_ of pockets - and explained that he would use the night to make initial inquiries and precautions. "Don't go out too long." Dean admonished his little brother and again Sam rolled his eyes. “And please don't do anything that I wouldn't do, too. Feel at home.", Sam said goodbye and Dean called after him, "It's my house too." Then the door was closed and Castiel and Dean decided to go to bed pretty quickly, because their feet were no longer used to walk so much in such a short amount of time.


	15. Interrupted

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey guys :)   
> It's snowing here, whoop whoop :D   
> Enjoy the new chapter!
> 
> Warnings: slight nsfw content - we're getting there :D

A dispute about the mattress had actually not broken out. Without any discussion, Dean and Castiel had covered themselves together with a sleeping bag but sleeping was out of the question. For the first few minutes after they lay down, they talked about all sorts of things, but mostly about Dean's time in Diamond City.

“I was just twenty and Sam was fifteen when we decided to leave John. We had an argument because Sam almost died on a mission and I didn't want to put him in danger anymore. Dad always preached that I should take care of Sam, but when _he_ was the cause of danger, he didn't care about loss. So, we came into town and Sam started to work in the bar on the market. ", Dean said in a hushed voice, snuggled close to Castiel so they could look at each other.

“I've done all sorts of things, but mostly made sure the city is safe. This stupid security service didn't exist yet, and Sam is not innocent of introducing it. And people kept disappearing, it turned out to be faulty synths. The first time was tough, until after three years I met my ex-boyfriend and Sam began to establish the first trading relationships." Dean carefully began to stroke Castiel's side and a pleasant shiver ran through him. “It actually didn't make anything easier, just more complicated, but at least I wasn't alone anymore. When we broke up, I _had_ to get out of Diamond City and almost three days after the relationship ended, a completely confused Nate was standing in the main gate, wearing a blue suit just like you. "

"What did you experience together?", Castiel wanted to know curiously. “He was looking for his son because he was kidnapped. He came through here with his dog and looked for the detective in town. I followed him and then we talked. He went off alone at first, but then came back and could use a companion apart from Dogmeat. We found the kidnapper and it turned out that his son was kidnapped by the institute. The guys with the synths. We then clashed with the idiots of the Brotherhood of Steel and the Railroad. While I was taking care of the Brotherhood story, Nate went to the glowing sea to look for a scientist. I didn't understand much, but we got to the institute with the help of the Railroad. "

Castiel saw in the semi-darkness how Deans expression changed. Suddenly, he looked sadder than before. “Shaun, Nate's son, was about 60 years old when we found him, and totally crazy. Unfortunately, he also had cancer and asked Nate to take over the institute. We ran away and decided not to help any of these idiots and to bring the Minutemen back to life. Then, there was a huge robot and a crashing airship - be glad you were slumbering at the time. About a year after I left with Nate, we made our homes in Sanctuary. But Nate was always a loner and one day he was gone. "

"Sounds like the time was really not easy.", Castiel stated and Dean nodded. “First the long trip with John and then the shorter but much more dangerous trip with Nate. I'm glad you survived all that crap." Dean smiled, then he whispered softly, "Otherwise I couldn't do this now, Cas." Dean overcame the small distance that both had maintained and kissed Castiel gently on the lips.

It was the first time in days that they could feel really safe and calm, so that Castiel didn't mind at all when Dean's hands slowly went on further wanderings. They carefully pushed themselves under his T-shirt and every inch of skin that was touched was like a revelation for Castiel. He had never felt so safe when he was with a man. He didn't have to worry that they would be spotted and that they would be chased away with kicks and curses. The only thing that interested him at the moment were Dean's hands on his stomach and those incredibly perfect lips on his.

However, for Castiel, it was still too little physical contact and he himself took Dean's head in his hands, buried his fingers in his short hair and rolled over so that they were no longer next to each other, but Castiel was half on Dean. He laughed slightly into the demanding kiss and pushed himself up a little to be even closer to Castiel. He noticed with satisfaction that the whole action affected both of them likewise. Castiel himself was already half-hard in his pants and could clearly feel Dean's erection on his left thigh.

Determining, he positioned himself between Dean's legs and released the kiss for the first time, only to then distribute many small kisses on Dean's stubbly neck. Dean groaned excitedly, pulled Castiel back to his mouth and began to push his hips up, looking for friction. Castiel, however, supported himself with his left hand next to Dean's head and pressed his right hand firmly on Dean's hip so that the younger one could not escape his targeted movements. Together they moaned into the kiss and Dean grabbed the hem of Castiel's T-shirt to pull it over his head a moment later.

Castiel seemed to burn inside when Deans hands wandered over his bare chest and flat stomach. He had been with men in his old life, but they had never actually undressed; the danger of getting caught seemed too omnipresent. It was new for Castiel and he enjoyed every single second with every fiber of his body. His blood wasn’t in his brain anymore being completely hard and therefore he felt brave enough to rub himself against Dean more specifically.

"Are we horny teenagers?", Dean wanted to know breathlessly at some point and Castiel paused for a moment. He looked at Dean from his upper position, who was still wearing a T-shirt and pants. He had been very decisive in his actions because that was his way when it came to sexual activities, but he also noticed that they could actually continue to undress. Nevertheless, he wanted to explain his situation to Dean first.

"This is new for me, Dean.", he breathed, so as not to completely destroy the mood and Dean looked at him steadfastly from below. “What do you mean?” “I don't have the most sexual experience. Was never completely naked, it wasn't safe enough for that. Shared some blowjobs but never… "He moved his hips in an explanatory motion that he hoped Dean would understand.

He started to grin dirty. "Does that mean you're a 250-year-old virgin?", he purred and Castiel couldn't help rolling his eyes. "In a manner of speaking, yes.", he replied slightly annoyed and Dean smirked. “Well, actually you seem pretty experienced. You're bossy, Cas. I like that. I can make you feel so good, Cas. Show you so much… ”, Dean whispered before pressing his lips back onto Castiel’s and a few moments later got rid of his own t-shirt.

Castiel let his gaze wander over the exposed skin. For a short moment his gaze stopped on the wound on Dean's stomach, which didn't look bad anymore, but he still remembered Dean's painful face too well. The face that Dean made now, he liked a lot better. His otherwise bright green eyes were dark, dull of lust and closed just when Castiel set about covering Dean's chest with small kisses and especially caressing his nipples.

"I think you lied, Cas.", Dean groaned and pulled the older man up again. "You seem to know exactly what you do, don’t you?" "Instinct.", Castiel grinned and then they moved uncoordinated against each other again and exchanged some very wet kisses. Castiel dared to tinker with Dean's waistband and Dean groaned as he pushed his hand into the loose cargo pants. Although Castiel wanted to _see_ Dean - because he would have been the first man, he would have seen completely naked - he just decided to caress Dean's hard cock with a few targeted movements through his briefs.

"God, Cas.", Dean moaned much too loud for the small house, but Castiel knew that they didn’t have to care whether anyone heard them or not. Actually, he was quite satisfied with the fact that Dean made loud noises, because in his opinion he was allowed to let the whole town know what he was doing to him. He finally didn't have to hide anymore and that made him braver than ever.

"Do you like that, Dean? How I touch you, stroke your cock...", he muttered with a very hoarse voice. "So talkative, Cas.", Dean growled as the only answer and his facial expression was enough confirmation for Castiel that he liked it. But Castiel wanted more, he wanted to see how Dean melted under him. They kissed again and Castiel used the moment to open his own pants and slowly take them off. "Wanna feel you, Dean.", he whispered, and Dean slowly got rid of his own pants. "And I wanna see you, Cas.", Dean decided and pushed the sleeping bag to the side, which had halfway covered them up.

"Like what you see?", Castiel asked and Dean let his gaze wander over the body of the black-haired man. "I like it _a lot_.", he replied with a nod and then took Castiel's hard erection into his skilled hand for the first time. Castiel groaned when Dean led their boners together and took both in his hand to provide the necessary friction. "Hmm, Dean...", Castiel grumbled and pressed himself firmly against Dean. The feeling of their dicks rubbing against each other was almost too much for Castiel. Dean kissed him again and Castiel tried to somehow come to terms with the new feelings and impressions. He groaned again.

"God damnit, guys!" They were suddenly interrupted by a male voice. At first, Castiel did not know who it belonged to, felt caught and he almost started to flee on instinct, which he had not lost from his old life. Dean, however, began to laugh loudly and reached next to him to cover himself and Castiel with the sleeping bag that they had thrown aside only a few minutes ago. "I wouldn't really care," he muttered.

Castiel was glad that they were on the gallery and therefore Dean's brother must have only heard them, but not seen them. "Like in the old days, right Sam?", Dean wanted to know. Sam ignored him, “Will you please get dressed and keep your fingers off each other when I _sleep_ next to you? _Thank you._ ” The last words were almost spat. "We'll continue that another time." Dean decided quietly and Castiel nodded, a little disappointed that his new experiences were interrupted so quickly. That night, he would probably lie there with a permanent boner having liked this activity with Dean so much. He suspected that this was all only a fraction of what Dean had meant when he said, _"I can make you feel so good, Cas."_


	16. Diamond City

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Have fun reading the new chapter :)   
> See you on Sunday :)

The next day, Sam glared grimly at the two of them at breakfast. There was quite good coffee for post-apocalyptic conditions, and he had probably bought sugarbombs from somewhere that night, so that Castiel felt for a brief moment as if he was visiting a friend somewhere before the war. Aside from the scrap metal walls, there was nothing wrong with the house and they had slept quite well.

“I noticed from the start that something was going on between you, but somehow I was _hoping_ I wouldn't come home and burst into a make-out session. In all honesty, I'll have nightmares about that. ", Sam grumbled, poking around listlessly in his sugarbombs. Dean just shrugged his shoulders, the bowl in front of him was already empty. "Just because you have probably only dealt with business in the last few years and your romances fell by the wayside, you don't need to take your frustration out on me now, Sammy."

"You shouldn't call me Sammy, you know that.", he replied and Castiel tried compulsively not to interfere in this little argument with any gestures. He remembered well that he had often argued with Gabriel, especially because his older brother had let himself be provoked by many little things and tended to fool him a lot. So Castiel could understand Sam to the extent that younger ones were always a little henpecked.

In retrospect, it might have been a bit stupid to let the newly ignited passion take over, but Castiel couldn't say that he regretted it at all. He had lain awake a bit during the night, cuddled up to Dean but in – as Sam demanded - separate sleeping bags and remembered his old life that now seemed so far away to him.

He had already noticed in middle school that he had little interest in girls, unlike the other boys in his class. He'd always been more of a loner, so he couldn't talk to anyone but his brother about it. Gabriel had explained to him that he would not find it bad if Castiel had no girlfriend but a boyfriend, but that their parents were not as understanding, and society was certainly not as open as he was. He had met a girl, he had also kissed her and held hands with her, but somehow, he didn't feel comfortable with it.

In high school, Castiel kissed a man for the first time. It was a weird thing, the story with the football captain at his school. His real name was William, but all of his friends called him Bill. And Castiel found him interesting from the start, had then started to give him English tutoring on his teacher’s orders, and at some point, he had started going to Bill's games. And after one of these games the two had kissed, very shy and insecure, but Castiel had felt that it was right for him. Apparently, it wasn't for Bill, even though he had initiated the kiss - at least afterwards Bill told the whole school that Castiel was gay and didn't deserve anything.

College was more fun. Castiel didn't tell anyone that he was gay at first, but it did happen sometimes that he was approached by drunk men at parties and he enjoyed these moments, even if he always kept in mind how quickly these situations could be interpreted negatively for him. At a student party, he was dragged into a kind of broom closet by a rather drunk man and in retrospect that was Castiel's first real and passionate kiss.

Another time, Castiel even went a little further and violent making-out went below the belt, but despite the inebriated brain he was sensible enough that the two men kept their clothes on. After he was caught with another man, both of them with their hands in each other's pants and they got really big trouble, Castiel decided to renounce alcohol completely. After that, he was shunned on campus, which is why he occasionally slipped away and met other men in the big city who he knew felt like him.

However, they had mostly left their clothes on, as it sometimes happened that they had to get dressed very quickly. Castiel had been rather cautious anyway, although he saw himself as the more dominant part in sexual relationships, but due to his bad experiences he often held back and was insecure. Nevertheless, he already knew that he wanted to catch up on everything with Dean that he could not do 250 years ago.

"Maybe you show Cas the city first.", Sam suggested and interrupted Castiel's stream of thoughts. “In any case, you shouldn’t stay in the house all day. _Because_ _reasons_. I will be keeping in touch with my people today and looking for a sign from Jones. Nobody has seen the bastard in the area for years, it seems. ", he explained, and Dean nodded.

“Son of a bitch always manages to cover his tracks. I remember how desperate Dad was when we were looking for him; we always came to a place and he was gone again. Maybe he has settled down in the meantime. ", put Dean in. "We can hope, at least that seems to be our only trace.", Sam said while he got up and put on his armor. He had similar armor to Dean, only his looked lighter and more filigree, although he was so tall.

"I could also make my way to Dad’s grave.", Dean suggested, and Sam's look was grim. "Certainly not alone, Dean.", he decided decisively and then planted himself in front of his big brother. "No solo efforts." "You remind me of Dad." "Out with you.", Sam then said a little too loudly and before Castiel could empty his bowl with sugarbombs, he and Dean left the little house in a hurry.

"Did I tell you how _nice_ my little brother is?", Dean asked and looked at Castiel apologetically. “Why, he is nice. We didn't behave particularly well. ", Castiel threw in and Dean gave him a dirty grin. "I don't regret anything," he said simply, then thought for a moment. "I can show you the city, or we can visit some old friends of mine, whatever you want." "I would like to get to know the city, but also like to meet friends of yours, Dean. But it depends on the people. ", Castiel admitted and Dean smirked. "My ex no longer lives here, no idea where he has ended up.", he calmed him and Castiel nodded.

“We can stroll through the city and just take a break from time to time with the people who should know that I'm back in town. I didn't get along well with everyone. ", Dean explained and Castiel nodded again. So, they set out to explore the city in the stadium, the big green jewel. For Dean, a lot had stayed the same, but a little had changed and Castiel wondered if he had liked it better in Sanctuary than in the big city. He wasn't sure.

Dean showed Castiel the market first. Dean bought more ammunition with bottle caps from a robot and Castiel took a closer look around during that time. It wasn't as crowded that morning as it was last night and it didn't all seem so overwhelming to him. Then, Dean showed him the local clinic and the hairdresser, both of whom advertised with facial reconstructions, which irritated Castiel somewhat.

“I know a lot of people who were not satisfied with themselves after some kind of accident. If you want, get your hair cut. ", Dean suggested, while Castiel looked at him sheepishly. "Don't look at me like that, I’m all natural.”, he laughed and raised his hands in defense. "A haircut would be good.", Castiel replied and half an hour later, Dean paid a relatively delicate Mr. Handy so that Castiel's hair no longer hung in his eyes. "What a handsome man, Cas.", Dean said honestly when Castiel got up from the chair and looked at himself in the mirror. With his new haircut - Mr. Handy had called it a "professor" and Dean had to laugh a little too much about it - he immediately felt much better.

The feeling faded when Dean took him into the building of the local newspaper. The young woman who was sitting there behind her typewriter jumped up and literally fell around Dean's neck. She had introduced herself as Piper and Castiel couldn't get rid of the feeling that she was one of the few women Dean had liked a little more. At least it bothered him a lot when Piper put her hand a little too low on Dean's back while Dean inspected the new edition of the Boston Bugle. _Why is he even doing this if he can’t read anyway?_

Annoyed and relieved at the same time, Castiel exhaled deeply after a good half hour when the two had left the building again. "You don't like her, do you?" Dean wanted to know, took Castiel's hand and slowly pulled him behind him, because the streets were now more crowded. "Was it that obvious?", Castiel replied and willingly let Dean guide him through the next narrow alley. "You usually talk more, and I would have expected that you would be interested in a newspaper as an English teacher." “I'm not jealous easily, but I've never been in such a situation. ", Castiel explained honestly and Dean stopped.

“I know this is all new to you, but I regularly forget it. Jealousy is a difficult subject for me, I have to admit. But if you say it was her way, I can completely understand you. Yes, I had something going on with her and maybe I should have reacted differently to her.", Dean admitted and Castiel nodded. “I still like her, she’s nice and all. This whole communication thing is new to me, Cas. So, is a relationship, if that's what we have?” Castiel smiled slightly, then nodded and Dean returned this confirmation with a big grin.

"I'll just introduce you to Nick as my _boyfriend,_ if it's okay?", he asked, pointing to the sign that was above them. Castiel hadn't noticed it at first, but now it seemed relatively strange to him. It shone in bright pink in the semi-darkness of the alley and it said " _Valentine Detective Agency_ " next to a huge heart. "Maybe Nick can help us, he also brought Nate a big step forward. I don’t think that Sam has already asked him for help.", Dean said, then he gave Castiel a quick peck on the lips. "Don't be frightened of him, okay?"


	17. A Trace

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Happy Sunday :) 
> 
> Warnings: nsfw and weird coping mechanisms

The _Valentine Detective Agency_ looked like a seedy ditch at first sight. The light was dimmed, and you could only vaguely see that someone was sitting at the desk - a young woman, as Castiel recognized when his eyes got used to the darkness. "Dean Winchester?!", she asked incredulously and got up from the desk to examine the visitors more closely. She kept a certain distance, but her eyes softened when she was sure who was standing in front of her. "I would never have thought that I would ever see you again, after...."

"Never say never, Ellie.", Dean interrupted and Castiel noticed his grin out of the corner of his eye. She circled the desk and then stood directly in front of the two men. At first, Castiel thought she would hug Dean just like Piper did, but she just held out her hand and Dean returned the handshake. Ellie looked pleased to see Dean again, but Castiel couldn't get rid of the feeling that something was clouding her joy. "Who did you bring with you?", she asked, and her eyes fell on Castiel for the first time.

“This is Cas. Came to my town, we're now _together_ and looking for someone. ", Dean explained, even before Castiel could say anything or could explain that he came out of the Vault. Dean looked at him in the semi-darkness so decidedly that a cold shiver ran down Castiel’s spine. He didn't know this look from Dean and he wasn't exactly interested in being the reason for the look. So, he preferred to stay quiet and just nodded.

"Nice catch, Winchester.", said a deep but calm voice behind them and Castiel turned around, startled. "Long time, no see.", the voice added and then a _person_ stepped out of the darkness that Castiel had never seen in his life. He knew household robots and had expected that someday there would be human-like robots, but the one standing in front of him hadn't crossed his mind even in his wildest dreams.

In front of him stood a tall man with deep yellow eyes, which, however, let anything that seemed natural disappear. They looked lifeless and yet knowing and belonged to a prominent male face that was torn open on the right side and ended there in a gear-like structure. It seemed like you could look directly at his hard drive, which was supposed to be his brain. He wore a faded suit with a tie, a dirty trench coat and an old hat on his head and looked like a mixture of stereotypical detective and unpleasant insurance agent to Castiel.

"I didn't expect to ever see you again, Valentine," Dean replied, having turned around in the meantime. Castiel felt the tension between the two men, or rather the man and the _synth_ and had to concentrate on not holding his breath. "What brings you here?", the detective wanted to know.

"We're looking for Eulogy Jones.", Dean explained and Castiel still didn't dare to speak. He wasn't usually that taciturn, but something told him that much of the background story in this case wasn't in his knowledge. So, he decided to remain silent and watched as the synth scratched its chin or at least pretended to scratch itself, because Castiel did not know whether synths could feel itching.

“Jones, the slave trader. It's been a long time since someone looked for him. I know where he is, but it won't be cheap.” “You know my price, Valentine.” “I'll send you the job. You live with your brother, upstairs in the old house?" "Sure.", Dean replied, and the two men nodded emotionless to each other as they parted.

As soon as Dean and Castiel had left the dark detective agency, Castiel had the feeling of being able to breathe more freely again. "What the hell was that?", he wanted to know, and Dean took his hand again without making a further explanation. The detached, free Dean from earlier, who he had been with Piper and who Castiel missed now, had been transformed into the closed Dean he had met when they had been silent for over a week.

Castiel didn't want _this_ Dean. He wanted the free Dean, the funny Dean, the one who made him laugh and because of whose sayings he rolled his eyes. He wanted the Dean he had undressed last night. While they were walking through the streets, Castiel tried to free his hand from Dean's grip. "No, Cas.", he replied sharply and Castiel frowned, but still resisted being dragged along.

"No, _Dean_. I won't go any further if you don't tell me what the hell that was.” “Not here.”, Dean then just said and stretched out his hand to Castiel, who angrily crossed his arms in front of his chest. “You act differently. I want you to explain why. And that can't wait.” “It has to wait, Cas. ”, Dean replied and then went ahead so that Castiel had to follow him if he didn't want to get lost in the big city.

After a few minutes, they were back at Sam's house and Dean tried unsuccessfully to open the door. “Son of a bitch has locked the door. ", he railed furiously and then fumbled in his pants pockets before he found something useful. A bobby pin glistened briefly between his fingers, then it disappeared into the door lock and it took only a few seconds before the door clicked open. "Still in the game.", Dean mumbled, let Castiel enter and then closed the door behind him.

"Tell me, Dean.", Castiel demanded and Dean looked at him up and down, his gaze staying a moment too long on the new hairstyle. “I can't. But I didn't want you to romp in the street and draw attention to us. We can't do that…” Dean didn't get any further with his excuse, because Castiel's anger had again managed to decide about his actions. He didn't want to be angry or even physical with Dean, but this man made sure that he reached his breaking point more often than he would have wanted.

Castiel was a patient person; the people around him had always praised him for that. However, he was also thoroughly honest and couldn't handle it if you openly lied to him. Therefore, this feeling of anger and disappointment had surprised him and without a chance to counteract it, he had pressed Dean against the wall of the house one more time and was now much too close. "You don't tell me any more shit, Dean. That's not how it works. Partners, boyfriends, did you forget that? No lies, no silence if it's something that concerns me, you tell me. ", he demanded, but Dean had already started to open his armor and to slide his hands erratically over the skin under his t-shirt.

Then Castiel was involved in a violent, passionate kiss, with a beginning he could not quite remember. Hadn't he just attacked Dean in despair and anger? He wasn't sure, because at that moment Dean began to free himself from the grip of the black-haired man and began to work on his pants. "What do you think you're doing?", Castiel wanted to know, but it didn't come out as seriously as he had planned. His voice sounded brittle and hoarse, because Dean meanwhile started to free his hard-on from his pants and Castiel could no longer think clearly.

Somewhere in the back of the head a voice screamed that it was all just a badly thought-out diversionary maneuver, but when Dean's warm, moist mouth was pushed around Castiel's length, he could no longer concentrate on this voice of reason. He just stood in the kitchen without stopping Dean and without having expected it and got the first blowjob in over 250 years. And damn it, Dean was more than good with his mouth as far as he could tell.

Dean had put his hands on Castiel's hips to hold him a little and now tried to take Castiel's entire length into his seductive mouth with skillful movements. The older man groaned loudly and buried his hands in the hair of the other, who saw this as an incentive and let his tongue slide nimble and experienced over Castiel's head, only to take it in fully again a moment later. Castiel knew he was well endowed and the sight of Dean on his knees in front of him, how he let his whole cock disappear into his mouth and throat, was an idea that had not even occurred to him in the wildest dreams.

Dean sucked and licked his cock, let it disappear again and again between the lips and looked at Castiel the whole time through dark, green, curtained eyes. It didn't take long before Castiel couldn't take it anymore and felt the familiar, but long missed feeling in his balls. He pulled on Dean's hair in warning, but he ignored him completely and instead took Castiel's entire length into his mouth again. With a loud moan, it was exactly this sight that made Castiel jump over the edge.

Breathing hard and with a blurred look he noticed how Dean swallowed every drop of his liquid and Castiel shook his head almost in disbelief. He had expected a lot, but not that in this new world he would experience the best, albeit most surprising, blowjob of his entire life. After he had calmed down a bit from this high, Dean released his cock from his mouth and licked his lips again wickedly.

Castiel was not quite back to business when he tucked himself back into his pants and tried to somehow process what had happened. "What in the freaking hell..." "Did I not do well?", Dean said smugly smiling and got up from his kneeling position. “Good is no expression at all. Never had someone swallow before." "What a shame.", Dean grinned and then turned his gaze away from Castiel, who had remembered at the moment why he had actually been angry about Dean.

"What was going on in the agency?", he wanted to know more calmly now, but Dean just shook his head. “I can't tell you. We get a trace, that's all that matters, okay?“ Castiel wanted to object, but at that moment the door was opened, and a scowling Sam came into the house. "Dean, I got a bone to pick with you.", he said, and his voice sounded very serious.


	18. Solo Efforts

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Happy Wednesday! 
> 
> I wrote this chapter right after 15x18 aired and somehow, it bleeded into the story o.o  
> Currently working on another story, which will be updated as soon as I am finished writing :) 
> 
> Enjoy the new one, there will be a small surprise and explanation what Dean is doing when he's "gone". 
> 
> See you on Sunday :)

Castiel wasn’t even able to understand what was happening, because he was somehow still thinking about the action that happened less than five minutes ago. In the meantime, he was sitting alone at the kitchen table while the two brothers threw various things at each other in a loud tone. Castiel tried to concentrate on what was said, but it was difficult for him. In addition, the brothers talked to each other at such a speed that neither Castiel nor anyone else in the whole world would be able to understand them well. His head started to hurt.

He still didn't understand what exactly had happened in the agency. Dean had agreed to some deal and it was exactly this deal that the two men now seemed to be arguing about. Because they were attacking each other physically he didn't even feel able to intervene in an argument in any way. He scratched his head, then tried again to focus on the conversation.

"So get this, we said no to any solo efforts." “ _You_ decided, not me, not us. It's the best option we have. Read it, please." “Forget it, I won't read anything to you. I will not throw you into disaster and ruin. Think about karma, I know you don't believe in it, but when you go on your tours you attract a lot of trouble that we just don't need right now." "I know my head has to be worth a lot for some groups in the wasteland, Sam." "It's your own fault, jerk.", Sam just grumbled then and crossed his arms. At least, he was no longer standing in front of his older brother with a puffed chest.

"Bitch.", Dean replied and crossed his arms just like Sam, which made Castiel smile. “Guys, what's going on anyway?”, he wanted to know and for the first time interfered in the argument - despite the rumbling skull. Sam frowned, then attacked Dean again. “You didn't tell him? You guys fuck but you don't tell him where you go when you're gone? You said you don't do that crap anymore, Dean." "What crap?" Now Castiel was pricked up and Dean looked a little startled.

“He means my tours. When I'm gone. I ... I can't say it, Cas. ", he decided and raised his hands defensively. “Are you kidding me, Dean? No, are you kidding _us_? ", Sam asked and tore his hair in exasperation. "What's going on, it’s all Greek to me.", Castiel stated and looked confused from Dean to Sam and from Sam to Dean again. "Tell him." Sam demanded. "Tell him and if Cas thinks it's okay, then he can read the name to you." With that, he left the house again stomping angrily.

Dean was still standing in the same place, with the folded piece of paper in his hand that Sam had in his pocket and looked as if he would like the ground to swallow him up. He had just fervently defended his point of view, but now he seemed to be pondering what to do. Castiel got up and took a few steps towards him, but Dean crossed his arms again and looked in another direction. He seemed like a defiant child and Castiel didn't know whether to laugh about it or get upset. He chose calm and patience.

"Dean, do you want to explain to me what exactly this note means?", he asked calmly, but firmly and carefully touched Dean on his arm. After their intimate action from earlier this caution seemed almost silly, but he knew that he couldn't achieve anything by putting pressure on Dean. "I don't want to explain it to you.", Dean said clearly, but then his expression softened, and a certain trace of despair became visible.

“I don't want to tell you, _but I have to_. Sam won't read me the name on the paper and I can't ask anyone else. It's our only way to get a lead on Eulogy Jones." "Then talk to me.", Castiel begged and Dean took a deep breath, then nodded. "Do you promise not to judge me?", he asked carefully and Castiel shook his head. "Why should I judge you?"

“I'm a bounty hunter. I kill for money. ", Dean explained with a depressed voice and Castiel couldn't help but raise his eyebrows in surprise and take a small step back. He hadn't expected _that_. “Hardly anyone knows and that's better that way. It's not easy to be a bounty hunter in this world. Sam is right about his concept of karma. I don't have a particularly good reputation in many places if you know my name. I started the thing when I needed jobs to make ends meet here in Diamond City. At first, they were small jobs, but the missions got bigger and bigger. I get a good reward or information for murders or arrests. And after you know that you certainly don't want to have anything to do with me anymore."

Castiel's brain rattled at full speed. He didn't know what to say about it, because he had expected a lot, but not this story. The man he shared his sleeping bag with killed for money. Of course he knew that Dean must have killed a lot of people in the past few years because there was a lot of evil in this world and he remembered the group of raiders who shot him, but he didn't know how to deal with the new information. To shoot someone in self-defense seemed less reprehensible to him than earning money for killing someone.

"I check the people beforehand.", Dean added carefully when Castiel did not answer. “I don't kill children. And if there is the possibility of handing the person over to my client alive, I choose the breathing option. Most of the jobs in the last few years came from Nick Valentine, he often passed them on to Bobby. That's why Sam doesn't like the detective, he thinks he's a bad influence. The fact that my orders kept us afloat when nothing went on probably escaped him."

"I understand Sam." Castiel interfered the first time and his voice sounded strangely thick. He didn't want to offend the man he'd fallen madly in love with, but he didn't want to lie to him either. “He's afraid for you and your reputation. Have you ever thought that he's just like me? He only has you. Maybe he has his people working for him, but that's different. It's not family.", he explained, and Dean nodded understandingly. When he wanted to interrupt him, Castiel threateningly raised his index finger. “I can understand _you_ too, Dean. You wanted the best for Sam and for yourself. And now you just want a lead on this slave trader, I can absolutely understand that too. "

Castiel nervously ran through his new hairstyle, maybe destroying it, but he didn't care. "Is there any other way to find a trace that is useful?" Dean seemed to think twice, then shook his head. “When Valentine says he's got a lead, I know it's true. Everything else is vague and the way to my father's grave would be more dangerous than doing this job now. And we don't know if my father left any trace that we didn't discover. We'd have to start from scratch. "

"Give me the note.", Castiel decided and held out his hand to Dean. He handed him the note with slightly trembling hands, which confused the older man. Dean wasn't usually insecure, but at that moment he really seemed to be wrestling with himself. Castiel took the note and carefully unfolded it. In curved, almost perfect cursive - so actually probably illegible for Dean - there was a name and a place that Castiel read out loud. "Rowena MacLeod, Salem."

"Thanks, Cas.", Dean replied, then he took the note from him, took a lighter out of one of the trouser pockets and let the piece of paper go up in flames. “I'll be on my way right away; it will take a while. Maybe Sam will take you with him, and otherwise I think that you can keep yourself occupied with these books for a while." "I would like to come with you." “No, Cas.”, Dean said firmly and Castiel respected that. Before he could get his backpack from above, Castiel grabbed his upper arm and held him back.

"This is the last time, Dean.", he determined, and his voice sounded very certain. “I don't want to have to worry about you because you are on a death mission and because the whole world is chasing you. Please take care of yourself." "I always do that, Cas.", Dean whispered and then kissed the black-haired man very gently and not at all demanding first on the lips and then on the forehead. “It wasn't a ghoul that attacked me back then. It was the wanted man who fought back. He paid with his life, I wanted to get him to Goodneighbor alive. Then I quickly decided against that when he attacked me with a knife. "

"You call that taking care of yourself?", Castiel said and his gaze wandered to the floor. Suddenly, he regretted reading the name out loud and deciding to let Dean go on that mission. He didn't want Dean to put himself in danger. “I won't give Rowena a chance. It will be my last job, Cas. Promised. And I'll do it cleanly, so we can get the clue and find my mother. ”, Dean summarized, then he climbed the ladder to the gallery and took his backpack, in which he then packed the things he needed for some days.

"What do I do if you don't come back?", Castiel asked carefully when Dean finished packing. He looked at him embarrassed. "Don’t you trust me at all?" “I'm scared of losing you, Dean. In the short time that we now know each other, you have given me more happiness with just being myself. " "You will not lose me, Cas." Castiel looked to the ground, he didn't want Dean to see how deeply this farewell affected him, he couldn't be sure that he really would come back. Then he said with a breaking voice, "Goodbye, Dean."


	19. Salem

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey :)   
> Enjoy the new chapter! See you guys on Wednesday!
> 
> Warnings: Canon/Fallout typical violence

The walk to Salem took three days on foot. With his horse it would have taken Dean a maximum of one day, but he didn't want to waste any more time explaining his return to Sanctuary, only to pick up his horse and then disappear again. On the way Dean did not meet many living beings, he wandered until late at night and hardly slept because he wanted to make good use of the time he had. He had learned early on to get by with little to no sleep, usually four hours were enough, but when he was safe, his body caught up on sleep, so that he could sleep through a whole day easily.

John Winchester had made sure at an early age that his sons could get by with few things and react to any situation with a clear head. He had often Dean woken up in the early hours of the morning to be present at a scouting round. Sam had usually been allowed to sleep a little longer, but he hadn't escaped her father's drill either. The training in the wasteland turned out to be useful for Dean, even if it would be the last time, as he did not want to betray Castiel.

He never thought he would give up his job, but he just couldn't disappoint the man from the Vault, from the past. But the disappointed eyes he had made when Dean had told him the truth about his missions, he would not be able to forget so quickly. Dean had found Castiel interesting and handsome from the start, but he didn’t think he would be successful with his flirting, because although in this world all people seemed to be more open than in Castiel's old life, not every man liked him in that way.

On his walk through the barren landscape, which he found not as monotonous as it was a few months ago, and somehow seemed more colorful than he knew it from his youth, Dean thought a lot about his feelings and the situation with Castiel. He probably wouldn't talk about it, his past had taught him that too, but he could think about it when he had nothing better to do anyway. However, Castiel already knew more about him, his past and his emotions than his ex-boyfriend, whom he reluctantly remembered.

He and Dick Roman had met a few years ago through one of his jobs - which had nothing to do with murder - and something had sparked between the two. Dick sold various commodities in a store in Diamond City, and Dean had started to buy more regularly from him than from the other dealers. They had started a conversation, had drunk together and one thing led to another. And because everything seemed to fit together somehow, they had stayed together for a long time.

In retrospect, his ex-boyfriend had been an exhausting fellow. Dean had always liked to flirt and any conversation with another man or woman led to Dick calling him unfaithful. Or he had started an argument about a few other things; at least at some point Dean had started to nip these discussions in the bud with sex, which had worked well in the beginning. He could handle guns, fight all creatures that blocked his path, and get along with little sleep and food, all of which John Winchester had taught him, but reflective conversation and communication weren't his thing.

The time with Dick had made life easier, because he had brought in a lot of money, so that Dean could hold back on missions during the time and Sam had built his first good business relationships through Dick. Maybe not everything had been bad about the black-haired, slim man who had always a smile on his face. But when he caught Dick in bed with a woman, he had tried to get out of town as quickly as possible and not respond to the excuses he was trying to give him. The jealous Dick had cheated on him with a woman! Him, Dean! Who thought a lot of himself - it hadn’t been the sex, at least he was sure of that.

Still shrouded in thoughts of the past, present and future, Dean arrived in Salem in the early morning. The city was deserted, although he had expected that some people still lived here. He had heard that the city was relatively large and well populated, but the streets of the harbor settlement were lonely. Somehow too lonely, he thought, when suddenly a horde of mirelurks came crawling towards him out of nowhere. Dean hated these critters, they were hard to kill and swallowed an incredible amount of ammunition, but Sam would be happy about the meat.

Purposefully, Dean shot the first mutated crab in the head, which however did not go to the ground, but only winced. Concentrated, Dean shot again and the mirelurk fell over. That left six more that he saw at first glance, let alone those that were still asleep. "Fuck.", Dean cursed as he fired half a magazine into the nearest enemy. This could be a close thing; he had enough ammunition, but he should save as much as possible for the next few months. He had to aim better.

Again and again Dean dodged the large scissors of the still living mirelurks and he cursed when one caught him on the left upper arm and left a neat wound. "Need help?" a bright woman's voice with an indistinct dialect asked behind Dean and she didn't even wait for an answer but threw a few sticky bombs in the direction of the mirelurks. "Down.", she yelled and pulled Dean from his feet, who hadn't really realized who and that someone had come to his aid.

The mirelurks exploded loudly and the insides of the shellfish spread all over the marketplace where the fight had taken place. "Delicious.", Dean only said, got up, patted the dirt off his pants and helped the woman to get up. She was petite, short and had fiery red hair. He could not tell how old she was, but she looked older than he'd guessed at first glance. She wasn't wearing any armor, but a dress, which made Dean quite suspicious. "Thanks.", Dean added. Even if he hadn't really needed her help, positive vibes were never wrong in the wasteland. "You're hurt.", the woman said and pointed to Dean's upper arm. "Come on, I'll help you and then you get out of here.", she suggested, and her voice sounded very determined.

The wound burned and Dean accepted her offer with thanks. He didn't know if he could trust her, but he was armed up all the way and could handle a woman of her caliber. He followed the redhead into the white church on the edge of the market square, a good place for snipers or turrets, as Dean had to recognize appreciatively. "Are you the only one here?", he wanted to know, and the woman nodded.

“They're all gone because of the mirelurk plague. You can withstand against them well, I would say, if you know how. Other people don't get lost here often, so I was surprised when I saw you and that’s why I decided to help you. You would probably have gotten by, but then I have no objection to some human contact. " She smiled and somehow looked like she hadn't done that in a long time.

“Why don't you have armor?”, Dean wanted to know. "I do not need any. I get along with the mirelurks from a distance and I avoid all other creatures or humans. Be glad I made an exception for you; the wound can get infected quickly. Mirelurks come out of the water, which is not particularly clean and bring a lot of radioactivity with them. You might want to throw in a rad-X as a precaution if you have one with you. " Dean's arm was tingling in all directions starting from the wound.

"I have. Maybe we should start, what do you think?”, Dean suggested and the woman nodded. Meanwhile they had arrived at the gallery, where Dean followed her further into a small room in which there was a single bed. "Do you live here?" “It's quiet and I can continue my research. That is the most important thing. I don't need any interference. I also invent new drugs." She went to a chest at the foot of the bed and opened the combination lock. In it, Dean could see some objects, vials and bottles and something that looked like a deathclaw eye, but then she had closed the chest again and came to Dean with a tincture, which he examined skeptically.

“Homemade. It will prevent the inflammation and the death of the skin. I've tested and improved it for a long time, but it's probably the best remedy for mirelurk wounds that you can get. ”, she explained, not impressed by Dean's head shake and poured some of the liquid directly onto the wound. It burned a little more for a moment, but then the burning turned into a slight throbbing and Dean was surprised that his arm no longer tingled. "That was quick.", he said appreciatively and then asked, "What do you want for it?" "Not for sale." "Everyone has their price." "Not me.", the woman explained, and Dean thought for a moment. “What's your name anyway?”, he wanted to know. "Rowena.", came her answer and Dean took a deep breath.


	20. A Name

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello :)
> 
> And with this chapter, we made it to 1000 hits! Thanks for reading and enjoying the story so far, let me know if you liked it so far! Have fun reading the new chapter - see you on Sunday! :)

Two weeks later, Castiel knew the whole city like the back of his hand. He had wandered around a lot with Sam, got to know his business relationships and, especially in the evenings, had spent the time reading his way through Sam's library. He'd also talked a lot with the younger Winchester, little about Dean but a lot about trade and the wasteland. Sam was more withdrawn than Dean, at first angry with Castiel that he had let his brother go, but after a few days he had probably forgiven him.

Castiel quarreled more with himself. Whenever he was not distracted by an interesting conversation or book, he thought about how to deal with it if he had sent Dean to certain death. Sam had assured him that Dean was the best man for the job and could survive better in the wasteland than himself, but Castiel still had a bad feeling when he wasn't distracted. It was a mixture of doubt, regret and fear that he would not see Dean ever again. After a week, Castiel had admitted to himself that he had to feel more for him than a simple crush and somehow that scared him.

The books that kept him from his thoughts and feelings dealt with the pre-war period in large part. They were books Sam had rescued from the Boston City Library. A few of them, and a large collection of newspapers that had appeared in recent years, slowly helped Castiel understand what exactly had happened in the 250 years since the Great War. He read quite a bit about the sino-american war, which had resulted in the atomic bombings of October 2077. The newspapers informed him that in the meantime there had been many different groups trying to gain power in the devastated country.

There were the Minutemen that he already knew and to which Dean felt at least a little connected. The Enclave was a partial government that fell a few years ago. This involved the Brotherhood of Steel, which no longer existed. They appeared to have been a group of soldiers killing people for dubious purposes. The conflict between synths and humans probably only started a few decades ago. Castiel couldn't make out a real cause, but the dispute ended in a big bang in which the Institute, the manufacturer of the synths, the Railroad, a kind of synth legal organization and the Brotherhood of Steel defeated each other, so that one couldn’t even say exactly see whether there were any remnants of the individual groups.

The two weeks passed very quickly but also much too slowly. When Castiel was distracted, hours went by in a flash, but especially in the evening when he was wrapped in the sleeping bag alone on the mattress and Sam was still on the road, because he was looking for further evidence of Mary just to be sure, he thought too much about what would happen if Dean didn't come back. He had no purpose if Dean didn't come back. Sure, he could help Sam find Mary and Sam would probably help him find Nate as well, but somehow, he didn't feel comfortable thinking about it. He wanted to do this search and especially find out about things together with Dean.

On one of those nights, when about two weeks had passed, Castiel kept tossing and turning, trying to fall asleep, but couldn't quite make it. Since Dean was no longer with him, he had problems with nightmares again. A couple of times, he accidentally woke up Sam because he was screaming startled. He heard a click on the door and part of him was hoping for Dean, but the most logical explanation for the nightly visit was Sam. He remained calm and listened to the footsteps that were in the house by now.

When he heard the soft swearing that the person had hit something, his heart skipped a beat. On the one hand, Sam cursed much less than his older brother and on the other hand, Castiel recognized the voice of the man he had missed so dearly. He opened the sleeping bag, kicked himself free and then almost fell down the stairs of the gallery until he was standing in front of _Dean_ again.

The hunter was not in the best shape, he had dark circles under his eyes and looked like after the first hunt Castiel had experienced - quite drawn. He probably had not eaten much in the past two weeks. "You're back.", Castiel mumbled and Dean nodded. He dropped the backpack that he had shouldered by then and took a few steps towards Castiel, in order to then take him into a tight hug. Castiel felt the desperation in the embrace and he also felt that Dean had missed him as much as he had missed him. They stood in that tight embrace for quite a while until Dean said, "I need to sleep."

This time, it was Castiel who nodded and helped Dean take off the armor. Without the combat armor he looked a lot leaner than before and Castiel would do his best to get Dean back to his old condition. He put the armor next to the sofa on which he'd been leafing through an old tome just a few hours ago. Meanwhile, Dean had already climbed the ladder to the gallery and Castiel went briefly to the refrigerator, where he fished out a bottle of Nuka Cola to give Dean a few moments later.

"You look like living death.", he stated, and Dean nodded in confirmation. Not only did he look emaciated, but he was also relatively dirty. "I'm happy to see you too," he said and took a sip from the bottle, his Adam's apple bobbing. "It was a tough time, but I got what I wanted," he explained and then put the bottle on the floor next to the mattress. Castiel noticed that Dean was already in his sleeping bag.

“We'll talk about that tomorrow when Sam is here too, okay? First, it is important that you regain your strength. How much have you eaten in the last few days?”, Castiel asked carefully and Dean already waved him off. “Clearly too little. But I slept even less. Priorities, Cas. Come on, let's sleep and tomorrow the world will look a lot better.”, he demanded and patted the mattress next to him gently. Castiel nodded, then he squeezed into Dean's sleeping bag, him being already too cold again.

That night not only did Dean sleep in safety and real warmth for the first time in weeks, but also Castiel, who no longer worried when he could snuggle up so close to Dean and inhale his scent. He was happy and relieved that the man was back and in one piece at that, too. And if his hunt was crowned with success, it was just the cherry on the cake. Castiel could enjoy a dreamless sleep.

The next morning, he woke up before Dean and tried not to wake the man when he tried to peel himself out of the sleeping bag which was way to warm. Sam had returned in the meantime and was snoring quietly in his bed, wrapped in a thin blanket. However, Castiel did not get to get up unobserved, but was held back by two strong arms.

In the half-light of dawn that came in through the window on the lower floor, Castiel could see Dean smirking. He already looked much better now than he had at night, the eye circles were no longer as deep and purple, although he still looked much too thin. "Morning.", Dean breathed and kissed Castiel gently on the lips. He slowsly gave into the sorely missed kiss and so they enjoyed the peace and silence and almost togetherness for a moment, until Dean started fiddling with Castiel's T-shirt.

"You have just survived a dangerous hunt and yet you are only thinking of one thing?", Castiel whispered and Dean nodded almost immediately. “I've been thinking about you most of the time and the things I want to do to you when I get back. So why wait?", Dean replied just as quietly, but Castiel shook his head and pointed to the bed, which was maybe three meters away from her mattress. "Sam?", was his simple question and explanation at the same time, but Dean grinned again.

“Then we just have to be quiet. I don't care if Sam is here or not. He sleeps like a log, he always has. Let's just fool around, Cas.”, Dean asked, and his hand found its way onto Castiel's bare stomach. “I don't think that's a particularly good idea. Sam will kill us." “He doesn't have to know. Cas, I missed you so much. I don't want to miss you anymore; I want to feel that you are with me. ", Dean mumbled and kissed the older man, this time not calmly, but much more demanding.

However, Castiel shook his head. He tried to concentrate. Even if he didn't do it in a particularly subtle way, but spoke openly about it, Dean’s offer was incredibly seductive. And the wandering hand that had crawled up his stomach and was now gently caressing his chest made it even harder for him to keep his cool. Before it could go to the southern climes, however, they heard a rustling from the direction of Sam's bed and Dean obviously reluctantly took his hand off the skin of the black-haired man.

"Good morning, brother." Sam said in a husky voice. He was usually one of the late risers, which Castiel had already noticed, but luckily this time he woke up earlier and was able to prevent things from happening next to him, he certainly would have been unwilling to witness. "Was your mission successful?", he wanted to know and yawned.

“Of course, it was successful. I have a place and a name, but you won't like that. " "Why?", Castiel asked and looked into Dean's green eyes questioningly. “We have to get out of Diamond City and the whole Boston area. Have you ever heard of Paradise Falls?”, he asked more in Sam's direction. He shook his head first, but then apparently changed his mind and nodded. "We stopped by with Dad years ago, right?" "I agree. It's in the DC area. Eulogy Jones has settled there and planned his actions from there. But supposedly he hasn't been in business for several years. Good for him, bad for us. I'm not sure if we will really find him in Paradise Falls. In any case, I got the name of his successor and maybe he will help us if we put him under enough pressure. " Dean's gaze wandered from Castiel to Sam and back to Castiel.

"What's the name of the successor?", Sam asked, and Dean replied, "Crowley." "Never heard of him." "My source is reliable.", Dean assured and neither of the other two asked further. They had apparently made a silent agreement not to discuss details of Dean's mission. “When are we going to go?”, Sam asked and Castiel looked at Dean knowing that he would have liked to say that they started immediately, but Castiel hardened his gaze to Dean and then said, “If Dean is up and about again. If your mother is still alive, a week more or less won't do her any further harm. I'm relatively sure."


	21. The Talk

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Happy Sunday :)   
> Enjoy the new chapter!
> 
> Warnings: "adult talk", mentions of past homophobia

It didn't take long for Dean to be fully fit again. Castiel made sure that he ate regularly and abundantly and after three days he no longer looked emaciated and pale in the face, but much healthier and more well fed. Dean especially often enjoyed the sweetroll that Sam brought in the evenings and that was way too sweet for Castiel. He didn't blame Dean for not looking after himself during his absence, because he understood that there were other priorities in the wasteland, but he felt it was a sign that _he_ should take more care of Dean.

They spent a lot of the days in the city again, met familiar and unknown faces and Dean also introduced Castiel to the radio host of the area, a man who had once been barely self-confident and then - through Nate - had become a completely different person, according to Dean. In the mornings, the three men mostly listened to the radio and listened to the voice of Travis Miles, laughed together at his jokes, and planned their way south with good background music.

Dean had an old map of the area that Sam wanted to exchange, but they could at least plan their first route and had decided at Dean's behest to first go to a friend in Quincy to ask him for three horses. They had collected enough bottle caps and the way to DC would be long enough even with horses. Castiel wasn’t keen on this experience, because he had never sat on a horse before, but Dean assured him that he would be able to handle it quickly and they made sure to choose a calm animal for him.

"Tomorrow.", Sam said after a good week, when they sat together at the table in the kitchen in the evening and studied the map once more. They would head to New New York City first and replenish their supplies there. The journey would take about three days without interruptions, a time that horses could easily cover. And the horses would be good for carrying their supplies. "Tomorrow at noon we are on our way, then we should be in Quincy by tomorrow evening and can stay with your friend, Dean.", Sam decided and the two other men nodded.

“I'll take care of the supplies we need now and then ask for a map of the DC region. So far, I have not had much success, but I have heard from a trader who is due to come to Diamond City today and who is often traveling further south. Maybe she has a map or at least clues as to which places and directions we can stick to. ", Sam then added his remarks and already got up. “You should go to sleep. Tomorrow morning you can pack up our supplies and I can take care of the last things.” “And sleep in.” Dean smirked and Sam glared at him darkly.

“We have a long journey ahead of us, of course I'll sleep as long as I can. Not everyone gets by with as little sleep as you, Dean. ", Sam explained, and his brother laughed. “I set priorities, that's all. Now go ahead, Sam. A map of the area around DC would be great, I remember that a lot was destroyed there, and we had to go through one of the old subway tunnels with Dad." "It was fucking scary." "And everything was full of ghouls." "Well, you give me hope.", Castiel interfered and this time both brothers laughed.

"I’ll be on my way.", Sam said then and stood up, folded the map and then grabbed his armor. "Any wishes for the last meal in town?" "Meat.", Dean just said, and Sam rolled his eyes. Then he shouldered a duffel bag and walked out of the house with purpose. Dean meanwhile had taken the folded map and put it in his backpack which was already packed.

"It's good that you're fit again.", Castiel said and Dean nodded. “I didn't really take care of myself; I know that. That will be different in the next few days, I promise. Mainly, because you and Sam will make sure that I sleep or eat enough. When I'm alone, I just forget both or don't feel safe enough to sleep." "Then we should really rest.", Castiel decided and Dean nodded again.

They cleaned up the kitchen, wanting to leave the house tidy so Sam wouldn't complain when he came back. Then both men climbed the ladder to the gallery and Castiel already freed himself from his T-shirt, while Dean initially sat on the mattress and watched him undress. In the past week, it had become established that Castiel slept with as little clothing as possible on his body, because he was sweating more than he would have liked, especially with Dean in his arms. Dean enjoyed the physical contact and emphasized every time that he was infinitely happy not to be cold. It wasn't really cold in the house or in the wasteland in general, Castiel felt the world was much warmer than it was 250 years ago, but somehow Dean had apparently not got this memo.

Sam had been home every night for the past week because he had already finished his business during the day. Today was the first evening when Castiel and Dean were alone and the mood had already been statically charged again, as Castiel realized when he noticed Dean's hungry look on his bare skin. "I know that look," he said carefully. When would they get the chance to be alone and in relative security in the near future?

"Sam won't be here for a while," Dean mentioned, saying Castiel's thoughts out loud and examined the older man extensively. Castiel could see the need in his green eyes and also a trace of greed and he enjoyed being openly looked at. In the past week, they hadn't gone beyond little pecks or one or the other make-out session and Castiel had thought about where the path could lead them tonight. He wasn't nervous because he trusted Dean; rather, he was full of anticipation.

"Come here, little angel." Dean asked softly and Castiel had to laugh slightly at the nickname. "To what do I owe the pleasure of _that_ nickname?", he just grinned, but sat down next to Dean, who grinned as well. “You survived the war and by some miracle I got to know you. I know there are no angels, but they are supposed to be responsible for miracles. I thought it suits you. And Mom always said that angels are watching over me and you are my new guardian now." "How cute.", Castiel mumbled and involved Dean in a gentle, innocent kiss.

"I know I'm destroying any form of romance now, Dean, but I have the feeling that we have to talk first," he then interrupted the kiss. He had been thinking about what the next step between the two of them would be for the past few days and had come to the conclusion that he wanted to talk to Dean to define boundaries and to make it clear how new this was all to him.

"You know that I don't have a lot of experience.", Castiel summarized and Dean just shrugged his shoulders. "What you lack in experience, you make up for with enthusiasm.", Dean stated and this time it was Castiel who rolled his eyes. "Dean, I want to talk to you about what's going on here so as not to cross a line in the heat of the moment that I don't want to cross yet. I'm no longer a teenager, I rethink actions and yet almost everything we do is new to me. "

"What do you want to talk about, Cas?" Dean wanted to know and stretched out his legs. Before that, he had been sitting cross-legged, which made him look much more relaxed. "Limits. Maybe I would like to clarify things beforehand that I don't know much about. In theory I am familiar with all of this, but in practice I am basically a virgin." "For a virgin, you are pretty bossy, Cas. ", Dean smirked and Castiel boxed against his shoulder playfully.

"I know what I want.", Castiel stated and Dean nodded in agreement. "I like that.", he stated and looked at Castiel's bare chest once more. Castiel considered briefly how he should continue the conversation, but then decided on the most direct route, because Dean was the most direct man he had met so far. “What about condoms or sexually transmitted diseases? I don't know if I'm ready for penetrative sex, but I've already thought about that. "

Dean shook his head. “There are condoms, but men don't use them. What kind of diseases do you mean?” “Something like syphilis for example?” “Never heard of that.” Castiel considered, "I'm completely destroying the mood now, but you've never heard of ulcers or infections on the penis?" "No, and I've heard of many things, Cas." “Could it be that there are no more illnesses at all, except for wound infections or radiation sickness?“, Castiel wanted to know and this time it was Dean who seemed to be thinking hard.

“What kind of diseases do you know? I often had a fever because of wounds, like you said, and I had a good dose of radiation a few years ago. But everyone in this world has probably already had that, except you. Do I have to worry that you have illnesses?" "No, Dean. I'm clean. In my world there were illnesses like the flu or colds. Have you ever had a cough, maybe as a child?” “Nope. I only know coughs from smokers. You can get ulcers from radiation.”, he added. "Cancer.", Castiel stated and scratched his head. Was it really possible that there were hardly any everyday diseases in this world and rather no more sexually transmitted diseases because people had developed an altered immune system due to the increased radiation? There was no other way he could explain it.

"So, we don't need condoms.", Castiel summarized and Dean shook his head. "Unless I didn't notice that you are a woman and don't want to get pregnant.", he joked and Castiel rolled his eyes again, shaking his head. "What about your preferences?", he then wanted to know from Dean who shrugged his shoulders. "What do you mean?" "Are you a top or a bottom? That was the main topic in the small gay community I got to know."

Dean grinned. “I like both, just as I like men _and_ women. But I assume that you are rather a top, considering the way I know you now. It also simplifies the whole thing with you as a virgin, I have to admit. I haven't thought about it any further until now. If you want to try something today, I'll be your guinea pig and your _needy bottom_. But if you're not ready to do that, that's okay too. Or if you want to be the bottom. I know I'm very direct in everything I say or do, but I'm a man who accepts limits.”, he stated, looking a bit proud.

"Dean ...", Castiel began and noticed that his voice was a lot deeper than usual. Dean looked into his eyes and his focus shifted from the green emeralds to the incredibly plushy lips. “Let's see where the journey is going. I've been waiting for over 250 years."


	22. Setting The Pace

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Happy Wednesday :)   
> Have fun reading the new chapter and let me know how you liked it :) 
> 
> Warnings: so much fluff and smut :D

After the two men seemed to have clarified everything, a less rational mood quickly set in, because Dean had claimed the older man's lips again and pressed him onto the old mattress. Although Castiel was usually relatively dominant and quickly took the lead, he really enjoyed this moment in which he could simply indulge in Dean's experience and care. The younger man's hands were on the move and his mouth also left Castiel’s, leaving moist marks on his neck and collarbone.

Castiel groaned excitedly, not knowing exactly how far they would go today, but he knew that this whole kissing was taking far too long for him. He wanted to get to the point faster, even if they weren't particularly pressed for time. Sam would be busy with his assignment for a relatively long time, so they didn't have to worry about it. And yet, Castiel was impatient. "Dean, just ..." he began, but then decided not to steer the mood in another direction with words, but to let actions speak.

First, he freed Dean from his flannel and greyish t-shirt, then he took him by the upper arms and rolled them around so that he was now lying on top of the younger one and could reciprocate the touches he had just experienced. Castiel stayed on the collarbone a moment longer when Dean started to moan loudly at the kissing. He sucked on the skin and slowly concentrated on freeing Dean from his remaining clothes. Dean helped him, so that both quickly got rid of their pants and so they continued to kiss like teenagers pressed together for a while until Castiel made his way further down.

"Tell me, if I do something wrong.", he whispered as he carefully pushed a finger into the hem of Dean's boxershorts, and the latter acknowledged the action with a soft hiss. Dean’s swollen dick sprung free when Castiel lowered the fabric and he licked his lips in anticipation. He freed Dean from his underpants, then he set about indulging his length with careful kisses, which quickly turned into sucking. Castiel paid special attention to the tip and Dean groaned, "Enthusiasm, just like I said."

Dean tasted tart and slightly bitter, but not unpleasant, rather strangely arousing. After a while, Castiel began to take his dick all the way into his mouth, which Dean seemed to like very much. The black-haired man tried to remember the blowjobs he had experienced himself and tried to do what he liked himself. He pleasured Dean's cock with his lips for a while, then thought for a moment and paused. "Do we have lubricant?”, he asked, and his voice sounded rough. He felt safe and Dean would tell him if something was too much for him or if he was doing something wrong.

"Oh, I hope so." Dean just said and supported himself on his forearms. “You are still wearing boxershorts and I would also be very happy if you take over the prepping. So down with you, you should find _Crisco_ in the fridge somewhere.” “Doesn't Sam use that for _roasting_?!“ “I don't want to talk about my brother or food now, Cas.”, Dean grumbled and Castiel followed his order, rose down the stairs and came back upstairs with the box a moment later. "Can't wait.", Dean said in a hoarse voice when Castiel positioned himself again between his legs and above him.

"So, what exactly do I have to do?" Castiel asked carefully and Dean grinned dirtily. “I like that you ask and talk so much. Didn’t know I had _that_ kink, to be honest. ", he explained and then let himself sink from his forearms back onto the mattress again. “The most important thing is that you go slowly and take your time. It's been a long time since I've bottomed and although I'm at least a bit into pain, it's not particularly pleasant if you’re going too fast. I think I'll show you or tell you pretty clearly when you can go on."

Castiel watched the man below closely and felt so strangely inexperienced as before his first kiss. "I can take over the prepping, too, if you don't dare.", Dean suggested, but Castiel shook his head. "I'm just scared of hurting you.", he stated, and Dean shook his head, then put a hand on Castiel's cheek and said clearly, "I'm not fragile. Just try it.“ Then he pulled Castiel down and kissed him again demanding and reassuringly.

The box filled with _Crisco_ was opened and Castiel decided to continue indulging Dean‘s dick with his mouth while he generously covered the fingers of his right hand with the fat. Then he carefully looked for Dean’s entrance and was rewarded with a groan when he found it. "Man, I _love_ this.", Dean gasped and Castiel could not suppress a slight grin. Dean was so responsive.

Carefully, he penetrated Dean with his index finger while he caressed his dick with the tongue again. "Oh, holy crap.", Dean groaned and assured Castiel that he seemed to be doing everything right. He slowly tested the scope he had and moved his finger, which Dean acknowledged with another loud moan. It didn't take long before the younger one relaxed and Castiel could add a second finger.

He could penetrate much further with two fingers and theoretically he knew that he could certainly achieve a very good result by touching Dean’s prostate. He wasn't sure what to look for, but when he found a fleshy bulb, Dean’s breathing became much faster. Castiel curled his fingers upwards and with that stimulated the little spot, so that Dean threw his head back and babbled something like, "Virgin, that’s a laugh." Castiel went on for a while until he was sure he could easily add a third finger and then moved his fingers carefully inside and outside of Dean who breathed hard.

"Wanna end it like this or get to the main event? I won’t last any longer, if you don’t reduce the pace or just start fucking me already.", Dean interrupted with a cracking voice. He had clear beads of sweat on his forehead and Castiel found this incredibly erotic. "I choose option two.", Castiel decided and slowly removed his hand from Dean, who, albeit the loss, took a deep breath. "I like it that you are so verbal, Dean.", Castiel explained as he freed himself from his own boxershorts. "I know what I want, too.", Dean repeated Castiel's words from earlier and then watched spellbound as Castiel generously distributed some of the lubricant on his dick. Castiel got lost in the massage until Dean impatiently interfered and pushed himself closer to Castiel. "Just do it.", he determined and Castiel had to grin.

Then he concentrated on carefully positioning his cock in front of Dean’s rim before he bent down and kissed the man below him on the lips. Slowly, he pushed bit by bit into Dean, who seemed to get tighter with every inch. "Goddammit.", Castiel cursed, who had to deal with this new tightness and warmth. When he had got used to the new feeling, he kissed Dean again, but noticed the impatience and hectic pace in this kiss. “I am not fragile. Now start to move.“, Dean asked with a hoarse voice.

Castiel did as he was told and began to move slowly into Dean. The tightness was almost too much for him, but he tried to ground himself through concentration. "You're so tight.", he groaned, and Dean pulled him down to kiss him again. "Just for you, Cas." That was enough for Castiel to cheer him on and the slow movements were now more specific, more determined and faster. When he pushed into Dean deeply and fully bottomed out inside him, he met the sweet spot inside of Dean again with light pressure making Dean groan loudly

"God, this is so good.", he said panting. Castiel confirmed that and tried to hit this point again with each of his next thrusts. His movements got harder, deeper and faster and Dean's reactions ensured an unexpected security. Again, he kissed the man below and then shifted his weight on his left arm to take care of Dean's cock again with his right hand. He closed his eyes and now seemed to drift off completely into another world when Castiel pumped his dick in the same rhythm with which he thrusted into Dean. The thrusts became harder and even more determined and Castiel recognized from Dean's look that he was not far from that sweet redemption.

Castiel had to hold back from the first second, had to concentrate on other things and his body and every muscle in him screamed for release. In a hint of brief uncertainty, he asked as a precaution, "May I come inside?" "Don't you dare to come anywhere else, Cas.", Dean breathed. "I wanna feel you, want to feel you inside of me when I am sore tomorrow." These words made Castiel almost completely lose control. He claimed Dean, sucked on his neck leaving a bruise and focused on finding the point in Dean that would drive him closer and closer to orgasm.

A few thrusts and pumping with his right hand later, the moment had come and Dean stiffened at first, closed his eyes for a second and then looked at Castiel with an unimagined clarity as he groaned loudly coming over Castiel's hand and onto his own stomach. "Damn, Cas.", were the words that made Castiel jump over the edge a few thrusts later and with an animalistic grumble he came deep inside of Dean.

Both still looked into each other's eyes, but they slowly calmed down from their highs and Castiel earned a loud hiss when he withdrew from Dean. "Hmm, I will feel _that_ tomorrow.", he stated, sounding less reproachful than satisfied. "This was awesome, Cas.", Dean praised and grabbed the shirt next to him to wipe the come off his stomach.

"Totally sure, I will be getting better with more practice.", Castiel decided and Dean laughed softly. “I am more than ready to help you with these exercises. Today I was tame, Cas, I'm usually much nastier." "Do you have any fetishes that I should have known about?" "I think we have clarified and talked enough for today. ", Dean decided and changed the subject. "We should clean up and then maybe really sleep.", he suggested and Castiel nodded.

When they had restored everything a few minutes later and were wrapped tightly against each other in the sleeping bag on the mattress, Castiel became aware for the first time that he had just really and truly slept with a man. And it was clearly the best feeling he had ever experienced in this area in his life. Dean had snuggled up to him and pulled Castiel's head on his chest, now stroking gently through the black and wild hair and then gently breathed, "Sleep well, my _angel_."


	23. Quincy

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Happy Sunday and happy Valentine's Day :) 
> 
> Today, we are meeting one of my favorite side characters :)

As planned, the men left the hustle and bustle of the city the next afternoon after a last and fridge-emptying meal, to which Castiel had almost got used. They only had the essentials of equipment and food that they would need for themselves and hopefully for three horses in the next few days. When they arrived at the gate the guards returned the weapons to Dean, Sam and Castiel. "Take care of the city until I get back.", Sam told them goodbye and the two uniformed men nodded.

Then the small group made their way south to their first stop, Quincy. Dean reported that he and Nate had fumigated the group of gunners in the city and that a former resident of the village had helped them, who was now busy collecting and taming wild horses from the surrounding area in the ruins of the city to sell to worthy residents of the wasteland. Dean had caught the horse in Sanctuary himself, but it made more sense to leave it there in case Charlie needed it. It was faithful and according to Dean it didn't depend on the rider, it just carried everything and didn't question any missions. It was also bulletproof.

Castiel quarreled with himself. He had never sat on a horse and only knew that he had a fair amount of respect for these animals. Dean already looked - with the cowboy hat and his bowlegs - like someone whose riding skills would be great. The bowlegs were a bit stronger since last night and Dean was not walking as relaxed as usual, and Castiel smiled inwardly, knowing that he was to blame for this gait. Anyway, he was afraid that he would not get along with the horses at all and that he would only be a burden to the other two.

On the way to Quincy they didn’t encounter any creatures worth mentioning, save a few bloatflies and mole rats, which they got rid of without wasting a bullet. Even Castiel could claim a death. In fact, they arrived in Quincy before dusk and were eyed skeptically by a tall, very slim and young man at first, but when he recognized Dean his expression softened. The man was standing in front of a kind of wooden wall, where he could see them from afar.

"Dean Winchester, to think that I would see you again. What's been going on after Quincy? ", he asked after he had pulled Dean into a brotherly hug. “May I first introduce you to my companions? This is my brother Sam, and this is my boyfriend Cas. ", Dean explained and pointed to the two men who flanked him. "This is Garth Fitzgerald.", he then introduced the man with brownish hair to his companions and everyone nodded briefly to each other. Then he turned back to Garth. “If you don't mind, we'd like to spend a night here. Do you still have horses?” “I make a living from it.”, was Garth's answer and then he let them enter the city.

There wasn't much left of old Quincy, where Castiel had never been in his old life, but he'd heard about it. The houses had fallen into ruins and only a half-destroyed church stood in the middle of these ruins which horses stood in between that seemed to notice their entry immediately. They grazed among the ruins and raised their heads as the men approached. A very large area was surrounded by this wooden wall, so that the horses could not escape, but still seemed somehow free.

“500 bottle caps for a horse, you know that I usually take more. But I'll always make a better deal for you, Dean. And you are welcome to set up camp in the church. Do you want to see the horses tonight or tomorrow morning?" "Tomorrow morning, thank you Garth.", Dean said and then added, "We walked all day, I think I speak for the others, too, that we should rest first and deal with the horses tomorrow. "

"Well, then rest. Have you ever heard from Nate again? ", Garth started a small talk and Sam indicated to Castiel that they would go to the church. The roof of the building was mostly destroyed and Castiel could see a corner in the back where Garth had made his home. He was apparently content with a simple life and, as he himself had explained, could live on the horses he caught.

When Sam and Castiel had already spread out their sleeping bags and removed their backpacks and armor, Dean also joined them in the church. "I got something from Garth," he said happily and waved a reddish bottle with a beige label. "He still had a bottle of the good whiskey left for us." Sam and Castiel rolled their eyes equally and Castiel explained, "I don't drink alcohol, Dean." "Oh, in this world you need a good drop from time to time and that looks really high quality here. "

Dean also unpacked his sleeping bag, took off his armor and put his backpack next to those of the others. “Dinner and then we sit outside and enjoy the whiskey. Don't argue.” “Just because you're into alcohol doesn't mean we have to drink with you. You know, I don't like whiskey that much either.", Sam explained, and Dean just shook his head. "Don't argue.”, he repeated firmly and so it became a decided matter.

They sat outside with Garth at a small campfire and for dinner there was a can of rice with beans for everyone, then Dean handed out worn mugs and poured everyone a small sip of whiskey. Castiel felt like he was in a bad western, especially because Dean was still wearing that cowboy hat and you could see the horses eating in the distance in the sunset. "How is work doing, are there enough horses around?", Dean asked, and Garth began to talk.

Castiel didn't listen anymore, because he had no idea about horses anyway. He looked at the golden liquid in his mug and didn't know if he should really drink. He knew he liked whiskey and various other alcoholic beverages because he had often drunk them at student parties. But he also knew that with alcohol in his blood he quickly became unreasonable on various levels, which was the main reason he stopped drinking. The kicks he'd gotten for being caught drunk with another man were burned into his memory.

And now he was sitting here with his _boyfriend_ at a campfire, their knees touching while sitting and they could spend time with friends and family without having to worry about being hunted with pitchforks. Castiel, however, always felt a stab in his heart when he thought about the fact that only the loss of his old life, his old family and everything that he had back then had led to that he was allowed to live this new, free life. He looked at the liquid in his mug again, then took a careful sip and this time the whiskey clearly tasted better than the brew Charlie had given him to numb his pain.

Sam was still staring at his mug, then rolled his eyes and took a sip too. Meanwhile, Dean seemed to be pouring the next mug for himself. So, they sat around the fire for a while and stared into the flames until Sam finally broke the silence. "Garth, which horses do you currently have here?" This time Castiel followed the conversation and tried to make out which horse Dean had intended for him. They were all still nameless and Garth only described their appearance and their character traits.

“I have one stallion, but stallions are definitely not for beginners. I can recommend my black stallion to you, who has a mind of his own and with whom you must assert yourself, but he is a loyal and above all the quickest horse I ever had. I haven't ridden him yet; he was more responsible for the foals; I have to admit. If I hand him over, I have the chance to catch the white stallion that I've had my eye on for a long time when I'm out and about. Then I have two stallions that I freed from their balls because they got too wild for me and because I had the black one. A brown and a white. Both relatively calm. But for your beginner... " He paused briefly, then nodded to Castiel and added, "No offense, Cas. A mare would be the best and I've already ridden and tested some of them. There are one or two that I would try. "

"That will be exciting.", Sam said, and Dean nodded. "Exciting to see how I get fall thrown off of a horse?", Castiel wanted to know and the men sitting around had to laugh. "I don't think that's particularly funny.", Castiel explained and Dean put an arm around him and tried to calm him down. “Garth knows his horses and will choose a calm mare for you who will not throw you off. You will rather have a problem with sore muscles and a sore butt.", Dean replied and Castiel whispered, "Shit, I thought this problem would be reserved only for you.", for which he earned himself a poke in the side by Dean and a "Way too much information…” from Sam, because he had apparently not spoken as quietly as he had hoped. _Stupid, fast acting whiskey_.

“The horses are the best alarm system you can imagine. You can sleep safely tonight, and I will catch the animals tomorrow morning and introduce them to you. ", Garth suggested and Castiel and Dean nodded, while Sam just shrugged his shoulders. He really wasn't an early riser. “Now tell me how you met this man. I thought, after the last fiasco you wouldn't have been open to anything solid. ", Garth asked Dean and he shifted a bit restlessly back and forth. Castiel noticed again and again that Dean did not like to talk about his past.

“Cas appeared miraculously in my life and then didn't just back down when he realized what an idiot I am. I thought I should keep him. ", Dean said, and Garth had to laugh, while Castiel noticed one more time that Dean was hiding the story about his true origin. He would ask him why this was the case the next time they were alone. They sat in silence by the campfire for a while, until they decided it was time to go to bed so that they could start well rested the next morning.


	24. A Stallion, a Gelding and a Mare

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Happy...Thursday, sorry for the delay.   
> I had oral exams and luckily passed them, so here is a new chapter for you :)   
> Enjoy!

The next morning, Castiel and Dean tried almost in vain to get Sam out of bed, who loudly resisted the wake-up action. "You weren't like that when we were younger.", Dean complained after Sam had managed to move into the vertical. "I used to be _a few years younger_ back then, Dean.", Sam muttered and brushed his long hair out of his face. "Wait until you're over thirty.", Castiel threatened and with these words they left the church. Indeed, Garth had kept his word and trapped the horses grazing so peacefully yesterday in a wooden pen. How he did it all alone would probably remain a mystery to Castiel.

Garth himself was on a large white horse and rode over to them when he saw that they had woken up. “I have seventeen animals. Look at them and take your time. ", he explained and then led them to the pen still on horseback. Dean stood on the lowest strut of the wooden fence and surveyed the animals. "That's the stallion over there?", he wanted to know, pointing to a deep black horse and Garth, who had now dismounted next to him, nodded. “Do you want to try it?” “You know me too well. Have awakened my ambition.” “I'll get you a saddle.” Garth got on his horse again and urged it to go to the church slowly.

In the meantime, Sam had also taken a closer look at the animals and nodded over to Dean. “That one will be mine.” “A _gelding_ , really? But it looks very nice. “, Dean said, and Sam rolled his eyes in annoyance. "Do you find any of the horses beautiful, Cas?", Dean asked Castiel and he shrugged his shoulders unsuspectingly. “I have no idea about horses. I'm not even sure I want to expand my knowledge in that direction. But we probably have no other choice if I don't want to jog all the way next to you. ", he stated and Dean had to grin.

“Look at the horses. The mares look pretty calm. ", he then explained and took another closer look at the stallion he had chosen. "I don't know yet if it's smart to choose a stallion that was used for breeding, but when Garth says he's fast, dominant and loyal, those are pretty much the qualities I need in a horse." “In men, too, right? “, Sam smirked and this time it was Castiel who had to laugh. "Shut up, Sammy."

In the meantime, Garth had come back and held out a bridle and a rather faded saddle and rope to Dean. "You want to try it yourself?" "Garth, you have sparked my ambition. Of course, I want to try it myself. If he hasn't been ridden often, I should take more time, but we don't have that. So... let's go. ", Dean decided, hung the saddle over the fence and then gracefully jumped over the wooden fence. The horses backed away from him, but he walked purposefully towards the black stallion.

Castiel watched the approach closely, but he didn't understand much about what Dean was doing. He only noticed Garth's tension when Dean touched the stallion for the first time and put on the bridle a short time later. Then he led the animal to the fence, took the saddle and put it on the horse. It didn't seem particularly enthusiastic, but when Dean led it out of the pen, it was distracted for a brief moment. Then Dean got on the horse without further ado or hesitation and it did not seem to like this action at all. It reared up and kicked out and for the first time these days Castiel was really scared of Dean falling off of the horse. However, the man held on to the stallion without any problems, but it took a while until it had calmed down and Dean could really decide for the first time where the horse was going. Briefly he urged it on, it snorted and then trotted off.

When Dean got back to Garth, Castiel and Sam, he stayed on the horse for a while before he got off nimbly and then continued to lead the horse to the others, holding on to the bridle. "I take him. He's amazing. So strong.” “With that you clear the way for the white horse. Thanks, Dean. “, Garth said and then it was Sam's turn. He got the brown gelding out of the pen, which reacted very differently than the stallion and appeared much calmer overall. "Have you already ridden that one?", he asked Garth, who nodded.

“No problem, with or without a saddle. Because that's the real difficulty - only Dean's saddle is for sale. ", he explained, and Dean immediately said, "No problem, then Cas will get the saddle. " Castiel wanted to contradict, but Dean prevented him from saying anything by bringing up the subject to the rest of the horses. "Did you find one?"

Castiel shrugged again, then pointed to a mare with white and brown markings. "That one is very nice.", he said, and Dean nodded. "You're right. Then it will be her. Come on, I'll help you to catch her.” Together, they entered the pen and Castiel noticed that his heart began to beat much faster as they approached the mare. The horse was smaller than Sam’s or Dean’s choice, but Castiel found that less worrying than the other two's large and almost wild horses.

“No hectic movements. Walk up to her and put the bridle on her. You have to show her what you want and be consistent. Don't show her that you're scared. ", Dean explained and gave Castiel a leather bridle in his hands. Castiel made a few careful steps towards the horse that stared at him suspiciously with its large brown eyes. "Sh...", he said out of instinct and the mare seemed to calm down a bit. When he arrived in front of her, Castiel explained to her, "I'll put the bridle on you now and then you’ll come with me." He felt strange talking to a horse, but somehow these words gave him the security he needed himself to deal with his fear.

The mare made no problems at all when Castiel put on the bridle and also not when he then led her away from the other horses and to the exit of the pen. She seemed very calm and Castiel was more than happy about it. As they left the pen, Garth patted the mare on the neck. "You made a good choice, Cas.", he stated and examined the horse again carefully. “She is calm and obedient, and above all has been with me for a long time. You will understand her quickly and you will get along well. Shall I help you with the saddle?" Castiel nodded immediately and Dean took the saddle from his new stallion and handed it over to Castiel.

Garth explained to him exactly how to put on the saddle and how to get on, then he held the horse by the bridle and indicated to Castiel that he should try it now. The black-haired man was nervous because he was surrounded by men who could handle these animals and he felt like the biggest greenhorn. He placed his left foot in the left stirrup and then tried to gain some momentum so he could move his right leg over the horse's back. As he sat on top of the saddle, he examined his action.

"That worked well so far.", he stated calmly, and Garth nodded from below. Dean had now got back on the stallion and was sitting bareback on the animal. It didn't seem to be a problem for him to move the horse in the direction he wanted it to go anyway. “Not so tense, Cas, you won't last long otherwise. Back straight, shoulders relaxed. And make sure that you press your heels down. “, he corrected Castiel's seat and Castiel tried to deal with the instructions as well as possible.

“You have to press your thighs close to the horse. The reins are not there to hold on, but to steer.", Dean continued. “You have to talk to her with your body. When you're ready to ride, release the reins and apply some pressure with your thighs. You can keep pushing her by shifting the pressure. You can then stop by making yourself heavy in the saddle and gently pulling the reins. And you ride curves by pressing your leg on the side of the curve against the horse, as if you were turning on the horse yourself. Believe me, it's tough at first, but you'll learn quickly. Do you want to try?"

"I'm glad I'm still sitting up here, Dean.", Castiel said in a very tense, pressed voice. “You do everything very well, Cas. Take it easy. I'm with you.", Dean said soothingly and then asked him again to _just try it_. Castiel tensed his thighs and let the reins loose and in fact the horse began to move under him. Dean stayed close to him with the stallion and praised how well everything worked, even if he had to remind him to sit up straight. Then they tried a curve and that worked amazingly well too. It was only when he wanted the horse to stop that he had a problem because Castiel did not really dare to pull the reins and did not know exactly what Dean meant by that he should make himself heavy.

"We still practice that, Cas.", Dean said and then added, "You have done well for the beginning and you will get used to it quickly." "Can I give her a name?", Castiel asked Garth, next to whom they were now standing again, and he nodded. “It's yours. If you’ll pay the bottle caps.” Sam was now on his horse, too and looked just like Dean - very experienced and could ride bareback easily. "Then we’ll get to business now.", Sam summarized and slowly they rode towards the church.

After paying for the horses and the saddle with bottle caps, they packed up their things, said goodbye to Garth, and then set out to make the long journey to New New York City. Castiel and the mare got used to each other quickly, unlike Dean, who now and then had problems to steer the stallion in the right direction. "You are just stubborn, and you have too much pride, Dean.", Sam moaned when he and Castiel had to wait for Dean, who had ridden too far away from the others. “I still think that my decision was the right one. Maybe the guy just needs a name, what do you think? "

Sam explained, “My horse is called Louis. Somehow the name suits him, doesn't it?” He patted his horse on the neck and the horse snorted contentedly. "Cas, what do you call your horse?", he wanted to know and Castiel looked at the brown mane in front of him. "Betty?", he asked, and Sam nodded. "Betty is a good name for a horse." Then both turned to Dean. "What do you call your stallion?" " _Moron_?", Dean suggested and the horse under him took a few unhappy steps backwards. "Or _Twit_ , you like that better?"

"What about _Assbutt_?", Castiel said more as a joke than a real suggestion. Then something occurred to him. “There was a college student in Boston who drove a black car that everyone loved. It was fast, pretty chic and everyone envied him for it. The horse's coat is as shiny as the paintwork of this car. I think the car was a _Chevrolet_ _Impala_.", he explained, and Dean listened carefully. “Never heard of that. I only know the Corvega and don't think that's a good name for a horse. But… what about _Chevy_?”, he asked less to the others than to the horse below. The stallion threw his head back for the first time, looking like he was nodding. "Okay, so _Chevy_ it is."


	25. The Long Road

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Happy belated Sunday :D   
> I hope you are doing well :)  
> Thanks for the Kudos :)

The three men spent the days riding and, in most cases, limited themselves to a slow pace. Therefore, Castiel could still handle his horse well and it wasn't too strenuous for Sam and Dean to ride the horses without a saddle. On the first evening they stopped at a small trickle where the horses could quench their thirst and then the three let the animals graze under supervision. Although they couldn't ride late into the night, which Dean would surely have welcomed, they had fewer problems with sore feet because of the horses.

Castiel knew painful thighs and a sore butt all the better when he sat cursing in front of the campfire the first night and didn't know how to sit down properly without hurting himself. "Why the hell don't you have any problems with that?", he wanted to know, annoyed, already thinking about lying down on his stomach on the ground. “We didn't walk all the time with Dad. Of course, we walked _a lot,_ but we were often able to find and tame horses that accompanied us for quite a while. And we didn't have saddles back then, but Dad said, the pain has to be dealt with and that there is much worse pain than sores on the buttocks.”, Sam explained while he stared into the flames of the small fire.

"When did you learn to ride?", Castiel wanted to know and this time it was Dean who answered. “Mom taught me early on how to calm horses that passed by our farm. I can't really remember it; I was just four when she disappeared. Mom taught me everything I know about horses and Sam then learned everything from John and me," he explained, then added," Do you want my sleeping bag to sit on, too? "

Castiel accepted the offer with thanks and few moments later, he sat with outstretched, crooked legs in front of the campfire and triggered a giggle from Sam and Dean with this sitting position. “To be honest, I think I'll walk by myself tomorrow and only lead Betty by the halter. I used to run marathons; I could easily do it.” “But not for days, Cas,” Dean stated and Castiel had to admit that he was right. "Besides, I don't want to miss this sight, it's unfortunately very funny to see you suffer so much," Dean grinned and Sam also had to laugh.

"How on earth did I deserve this?", Castiel asked and Dean handed him another mug filled with some of the whiskey that Garth had given him. Castiel did not contradict this time, but took the cup gratefully, awaiting a distraction from his pain. "Isn't there any cream or remedy or something? You seem to have all physical problems under control in your new world," Castiel grumbled and earned another giggle from the brothers. "Cas, you should keep the stimpaks for more important things," Dean explained and Castiel understood that he was right, but somehow, he wanted some relief for his sore spots.

Dean now handed Sam a mug, who initially didn't want whiskey again, but Dean didn't let himself be convinced otherwise and poured his brother a good sip. When he had poured himself, he also poured some more into Castiel’s and then raised his mug. "To the horses that we have chosen and that have already taken us a long way further than we initially wanted." The men clinked the mugs with each other and then each drank.

It was a very silent evening again and at some point Castiel leaned his head on Dean's shoulder and drifted into a state between awake and asleep while he tried to ignore the pain in his limbs. "Let's go to sleep. Sam takes over the watch tonight,“ Dean said quietly at some point and Castiel nodded with closed eyes and enjoyed the warmth that came from the fire in front of them. Castiel and Dean lay down pretty close to the campfire and snuggled together in a sleeping bag, both lying on their side Castiel being the smaller spoon.

Dean stroked him carefully and covered by the fabric over the outside of the thighs and then slowly began to massage the leg in these areas to take away the sore muscles from Castiel. It felt incredibly good and Castiel could no longer suppress a low moan after a few minutes. "Seriously guys? I'm going to pee. ", Sam just grumbled annoyed, got up from his place at the edge of the campfire and then set off to get as far away from them as possible.

“I would _love_ to feel you inside of me again, Cas. Hard to wait,“ Dean said and pressed a few kisses on Castiel's left shoulder while he was still massaging the legs of the older man. But Castiel shook his head. “It's not that I don't feel like it, but I am in real pain and yet I have a certain sense of honor towards your brother. My conscience and my thighs tell me to wait until we are safer and until Sam doesn't see everything." “You're right, voice of reason.", Dean mumbled, but still pressed a few more kisses on Castiel's neck and at some point, they both slipped into a gentle sleep under the massage and these kisses.

The next day began with breakfast, then they took care of the horses and Castiel dared to get back into the saddle despite his still sore body. It still hurt, but it was easier to take than last night. It would probably get worse in the evening, but right now, Castiel could handle it. Somehow, he envied Sam and Dean because of their abilities, but he himself was quite proud that he could at least hold himself in the saddle.

After a few hours of riding through the wasteland and seeing a single railroad car in the distance as a change of scenery, Chevy suddenly stopped and wouldn't move an inch further although Dean was almost kicking him with his legs. "Son of bitch," Dean cursed and then asked the other two to stop while he let himself slide from the black horse and tried to make the stallion continue. He snorted and suddenly looked nervous, but none of the men could see a reason where this sudden nervousness could come from.

“I bought a donkey. A stubborn, stupid donkey," Dean moaned, then took the reins appropriately in the hand and led his horse next to the others. When they arrived at the railroad car, however, it became clear to the men that Chevy was by no means a stubborn donkey, but rather a sensitive horse with apparently well-functioning instincts. Something was moving near the wagons and Sam gestured for the other two to stop. Dean indicated to Castiel that he should get off and take Chevy and Betty by the reins, while Sam slowly rode on Louis in the direction of the movement.

“Stand here and make sure the horses don't run away. Got it?“, Dean decided and Castiel nodded immediately. He was happy to keep his distance from this unknown movement by staying with the horses. Sam had meanwhile arrived at the car and Dean jogged after him. "Ghouls!", Sam called to him and Dean skillfully pulled out the shotgun that was attached to his belt. Sam, too, had meanwhile drawn a weapon that was very similar to Dean’s and began to fire at the opponents.

The wild ghouls looked like living dead, thin people whose skin only hung in tatters on their bodies. There were not many and some of them only wore shorts while others even wore pieces of armor. What they all had in common was the speed at which the brothers were attacked, and the disgusting screams the ghouls uttered when the gunshots first hit. Unfortunately, that wasn't the only noise, you could also hear the panicked neighing of Sam's horse. Louis _obviously_ wasn't bulletproof.

The horse reared up and Sam struggled to stay on his back. Dean concentrated on shooting the last ghouls off their feet until the last one was just a restless upper body crawling across the sandy ground and screeching curses. Then he sprinted over to Sam and tried to calm Louis down somehow. He got hold of his reins and talked to him gently, while Sam had clung to the mane of his horse and was obviously trying with all his force to keep himself up. "Everything is good.", Castiel heard Dean call and he set about moving both horses in the direction of the brothers.

Louis had really calmed down in the meantime, especially when Dean stepped on the crawling ghoul remnant and thus the last noises in the wasteland subsided and you could only hear the hooves of the two horses that Castiel led to the scene. Sam dismounted and took over the reins of Dean, so that he slowly came towards Castiel. “So that would be clear, too. Louis doesn't get along well with shots, Chevy can apparently smell ghouls and Betty..." "Fortunately, Betty just stays calm with everything and is therefore really good for me," Castiel finished the sentence for Dean and Dean nodded.

“Even with a saddle, it is quite difficult to be able to hold onto a bucking horse if you are not yet an experienced rider. Everyone must start, but Betty seems relaxed enough to be part of this group for a long time to come. Sam gets along with Louis, mostly because he knows he must be careful with shots now. And we do not need to talk about Chevy," Dean said, took the reins from Castiel and stroked his horse's nose appreciatively. "Smart donkey," he said with praise and then went to the corpses of the ghouls to look for loot in their pockets.

“Ah, they have really useful items with them again. Do you need a plastic spoon, Sammy?“, Dean wanted to know and Sam laughed. "Not at the moment." Dean looked further in his pockets and threw away a lot of things until he got a few bottle caps in his hands and let them disappear into his own pocket. "I hate ghouls.", Dean grumbled, before he went back to getting on his horse. Castiel was always amazed at how well he got on this horse without a saddle and thought briefly about how Dean's strength, flexibility and endurance would benefit him in other areas of life. However, Castiel quickly discarded the thoughts and concentrated on somehow getting back on his own horse again.


	26. New New York City

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Enjoy the new chapter and the sun outside :)

Castiel hadn't expected the city that showed up in front of them on the evening of the third day. He had thought New York City had been destroyed just like Boston, but somehow the city before them still looked like something out of a movie. Castiel hadn't been to New York very often, maybe two or three times with his brother, so he couldn't really remember the details, but he realized that many of the houses must have been built on the foundations of their old predecessors. Some of them hardly seemed destroyed and as if they had come from another life while others looked like the junk houses in Sanctuary and Diamond City.

Even in front of the town, there were many people who were not really disturbed by Sam, Dean and Castiel on their horses. The city center, which they reached then, was surrounded by a metal fence. Outside, they could hand in their horses for a few nights for care and they also had to leave their weapons behind with the city guards. "The same applies to you as to the guards in Diamond City," Dean grunted at one of the guards and he took a small step back, because Dean was a good head taller and also broader than him. “If something happens to the guns or the horses, I have no problem pulling the skin of your face with my bare hands. Understood?” The guard nodded.

Then they stepped through the gate into the city that seemed to come from another, older world. Time hadn't stood still here, and the traces of the war were visible, but the metropolis had been put back together really well, even if on much smaller terrain. Here and there a few old skyscrapers protruded from the otherwise rather low mass of buildings, which towered into the sky like a memorial which was a reminder of what people had been able to do in this regard before the war.

"We are now looking for a hotel, then we go to stock up the next few days and maybe we can find a map of the area further in the south.", Sam decided and Castiel nodded in agreement. Dean had gone ahead and was already looking around between the houses. “A maximum of four days. I cannot stand it any longer in these cramped conditions," Dean explained as he turned to the others and Sam nodded immediately. “We haven't even made it a quarter of the way. But it will be our last big break before the long journey, during which we can be sure not to be eaten up at night. "

They went through the streets and at some point, came to a house that said " _Hotel_ " in glowing green neon letters. The ‘ _E’_ blinked suspiciously, as if it would soon fail. "Looks okay, doesn't it?" Dean asked and considering the fact that they hadn't passed any other hotel on the way, the others didn't contradict him.

Inside, the hotel was decorated just as trustworthy as the outside and instead of a lobby the three found themselves in a dark bar. "Kinda like it," Dean said and then went to what looked most like a reception desk. Behind it stood a man in a dark shirt and jeans, with sunglasses on his nose, and busily rummaging through a pile of papers. He had greyish hair, but somehow appeared to be even younger than Sam.

"You still have two rooms or three beds free for three nights?", Dean asked and the man didn't even lift his head while he spoke with a thinly voice, "Of course we have something free, if you can pay." "Of course," Sam interfered, who now also stepped to the table and put a bag on the surface that jingled suspiciously.

"Prepayment. Three days, two rooms. 80 caps a night, makes 500 caps for me, then you'll get breakfast and dinner, too." "Then the faucets should probably be gold-plated," Dean smirked, which coaxed a smile out of his counterpart that made him look even more unsympathetic than before. His teeth were no longer complete and the serious, albeit slick, appearance that he had held up until then had been destroyed by this sight. "Staircase, second and third door on the right.", the man explained and held out two keys to Dean, which he wanted to take, but then he withdrew his hand.

"I need a name. The boss is very precise with the bookkeeping." " _Winchester_.", Dean only said almost spitting the name out and then the keys were handed over to him while Sam counted the appropriate number of bottle caps and threw them on the man's table. "Thanks.", he grinned again and Castiel was happy when they climbed the stairs behind the man, and he disappeared from his field of vision.

"You know who wears sunglasses inside?" Dean asked softly when they reached the top and were thus out of the man's hearing range. "Blind people. And douchebags." With that he handed Sam the key, with a small ‘3’ on the tag; he kept the key with the number ‘4’ himself. They locked out the rooms and, to their surprise, found that the interior was not as bad as the bar downstairs suggested.

In Castiel's and Dean's room there was a large dark wooden double bed with dark red covers and a chest of drawers in one corner. The walls wear painted in a dark beige and had wood paneling for decoration purposes. The tiny adjoining room turned out to be a bathroom that housed an old bathtub with actual golden feet, a toilet and a small washbasin. For a trial, Dean tested the faucet and clean looking but probably radioactive water shot out of it.

"Seems to be worth the price.", he said and threw his backpack next to the dresser, where Castiel had already put his luggage down much more carefully. Then he sat down on the bed, bobbing about the springs and smirking when the bed made noises even with these slight movements. "Sam won't sleep very well the next few nights, I'm afraid.", Castiel stated and Dean grinned again, but this time there was a certain greed in his eyes.

"Let's have something to eat and then we'll see where the night will lead. It has been a long time since I was last able to use a functioning bathtub. I want to get rid of the dirt for at least the days we stay in NNYC. And who knows, maybe the food here is better than the canned food of the last few days," Dean decided and Castiel nodded.

Together they left the room and knocked Sam out of his, after Dean had checked several times whether he had really locked the hotel room door. Sam came out; he had changed and was now wearing a flannel, as Dean often wore it, jeans and a T-shirt, and his face was also much cleaner. "Sinks are an invention that I really miss a lot," he said and then added, "I feel like a whole new person."

They left the hotel room corridor down the stairs and this time the strangely unpleasant man was not standing behind the table but was serving drinks to the few guests in the bar. At the table sat a black, relatively corpulent middle-aged woman who smiled at the men when they got to her. "Welcome to _Hotel Moseley_. I hope Kurt didn't scare you off too much.", she said warmly, and Sam shook his head. "Everything to our satisfaction, Madam," he said politely and Castiel noticed that Dean in contrast did not even take off his cowboy hat. "Could we get something for dinner?”, Sam asked, and the woman nodded. "Of course." Then she yelled at Kurt, " _Monsieur_ , you are not paid to stand around here. Paying guests want food." Kurt, who had looked very self-confident earlier, ducked this time and trotted into the hidden kitchen behind a swinging saloon door.

"Good staff is so hard to find. What can I get you?", Miss (or Misses?) Moseley asked and Sam shrugged his shoulders. "Nuka Cola and some good food, doesn't matter what. And a whiskey for me, too.", Dean interfered and then went to one of the still empty tables, now took off his hat and Castiel and Sam followed him ."Couldn’t you at least try to be more polite?", Sam wanted to know and Dean looked at him with a frown. "Trying my best here," he said, ruffling his short hair. "I'm looking forward to the bathtub," he added, looking at his palms.

They planned their further stay in town for a little while, until Kurt interrupted them with the drinks and once again nicely explained which dishes they could order. Castiel opted for squirrel and iguana on a spit, Sam for a vegetable soup and Dean for an iguana burger. It was not long before the food was brought to them and they started eating. It tasted great and was a welcome change from the canned dishes of the last few evenings. The burger Dean had looked especially greasy.

After they had finished eating, Dean got up and went to a game of poker at the next table for a good hour, while Castiel and Sam watched the spectacle from afar and talked about where they could get a map of the area. Dean came back after a while with a filled bag that jingled just like Sam’s had earlier. "I can still do it.", he grinned, then the three decided to call it a night and left the bar again to the upper floor. “Please, let me sleep just for the _one_ night.”, Sam begged when they were standing in front of the doors.

“Can’t promise you that, brother. Little Cas could be the very death of me…”, he said and Castiel rolled his eyes, “Oh, shut up, you.” All three of them entered their rooms and before Castiel could even say something like _they should really let Sam sleep for at least this night_ , Dean’s hungry lips were on his. And who was he to object this kind offer? Dean’s lips were so plushy and inviting, it should be illegal.

He returned the kiss with as much greed as he had seen it in Dean's eyes all evening and it took a while until the kiss had calmed down enough that for the two to break apart, breathing hard, their lips red and both under enormous tension. "Bathtub?", Dean suggested and Castiel nodded. "I could really use a bath and most of all the bathtub doesn't squeak when I’ll attack you." "I created a monster," Dean laughed as he set about running water into the bathtub and got rid of his clothes.


	27. The Bathtub

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Happy Sunday :) 
> 
> Warnings: nsfw content

The water in the bathtub was pleasantly warm and despite the coziness that Castiel felt through the warmth, both made every possible effort not to swallow any of the water. According to Dean, it was safe to bathe in it or wash with the water because the radioactivity was no longer that high but drinking the water would certainly not be a very good idea. Apparently, you could drink the water for several weeks in case of an emergency without feeling any symptoms, but Dean had told Castiel about his experiences with radiation sickness and Castiel was not particularly keen to go through the same.

Severe radiation sickness, as Dean had gotten from a _glowing one_ who had injured him, was associated with nausea, vomiting and severe fatigue. Dean had also reported that after two weeks his hair had fallen out all over his body and they could only prevent it from getting worse because John had taken him to an experienced doctor in a town near Washington DC who had the right remedies. RadAway could also cure mild forms of the disease, but severe conditions involving exposure to high levels of radiation made going to the doctor inevitable.

Castiel had first sat in the water and immediately his muscles had relaxed from the rigors of the journey of the last few days. He still noticed how his skin was sore where he had been sitting on his horse, but the warm water was soothing and felt almost healing. He enjoyed the space in the bathtub for a moment but wasn't sad either when Dean sat down in the water with his back and gently snuggled against Castiel's chest and stomach.

"Hmm, feels good, Cas," Dean mumbled and let his head sink down on Castiel's neck. Castiel put his arms around Dean and gently stroked the bare, damp skin, which made Dean shiver comfortably. "I would like to stay here forever, but we have a mission that cannot be postponed," Dean stated and Castiel nodded, so that Dean felt this movement. "Let's enjoy the peace and quiet and stay in the hotel room as much as possible."

"Accepted, without objection," Castiel grinned and slowly moved his hands from the innocent caressing of Dean's upper arms to less innocent places on his bare chest. When Castiel arrived at Deans nipples, he moaned slightly and turned his head back to reach Castiel's lips. He immediately granted him the kiss and so the two began to exchange kisses, which, however, initially developed into nothing further.

"The warmth helps with my sore muscles," Castiel said softly when they took a short break to catch their breath. "Still that bad?" Dean wanted to know and Castiel nodded slightly. "I wouldn't mind a massage," he smiled, and Dean did not need to be asked twice and turned around in Castiel's arms easily and once more started to massage the older man's thighs.

Slowly, the hardened and sore muscles became softer, Castiel relaxed more and more and closed his eyes after a few seconds in order to fully concentrate on Dean's touch. Dean kneaded his big thighs for a moment, then he leaned down to Castiel and kissed the soft skin on his neck down to his collarbone, which made a pleasant shiver run down Castiel’s back. "You okay for more?", Dean asked and Castiel nodded immediately.

Since their first time, Castiel was much more on edge than in previous years, perhaps he understood the biblical metaphor of the forbidden fruit more easily than before his cryo-sleep. Dean was so incredibly handsome, attractive and just erotic that Castiel was glad that he had been able to mainly concentrate on his aching legs during the last few days. When they came to rest, however, the desire overwhelmed him faster than he would have liked and due to Dean's touches on his neck, his blood moved quickly to a more southern region.

Again, he grabbed Dean by the upper arms, but this time it was less gentle, because he turned the two around in the bathtub so that he could position himself over Dean and in turn indulged him with kisses. Although he wanted to attack the younger one right away, he held back and tried to be as gentle as possible so that they would not flood the whole small bathroom. The air in the small room was heated, humid, and warm, which only fueled the current situation the two were in.

Castiel carefully let his lower body sink deeper into the warm water until he came to rest between Dean's legs and felt Dean’s erection on his right hip. "Wow, Cas, so eager...," Dean moaned and pressed himself against Castiel to provide more of the friction that he wanted so badly. "Shouldn't we get out here?", he suggested, but Castiel shook his head, pushed a bit to the left, so their dicks which had now reached full size touched and both men moaned loudly.

It was slippery in the tub and yet Castiel somehow managed that they moved slowly and concentrated against each other. Dean groaned one more time, then took his left hand to grip both of them for even more friction and touch. Castiel held himself in position with both hands on the edge of the bathtub and Dean took the lead from below by setting the rhythm and repeatedly pushing into the hand that surrounded them, bringing Castiel almost on the verge of madness.

"Dean, I am close," Castiel groaned and Dean increased the speed and hardness with which he moved, until Castiel inevitably had to close his eyes, but Dean interrupted him with a soft voice, "Wanna see you, Cas. Don’t close your eyes, they are so beautiful. You are so beautiful." Castiel obeyed him, opened his eyes so that green met blue and at that moment Castiel came hard into Dean's hand and into the bathtub water. Dean moved a few more times until he also came; at first, he was very still but then he moaned loudly and Castiel became aware once again of how incredibly handsome Dean was.

When the two had recovered from their heavy breathing and Castiel had let himself slide back into the water from his strenuous position to be held, so that they sat across from each other, Dean began to laugh softly, "Actually we have to take a shower now after the bath, don’t we?" Castiel had to grin too and began to let the last foam bubbles that the soap had left in the water slide through his fingers.

"We should. But I would be happy with just sleeping in a decent bed without fear of being eaten by ghouls or being bitten by some huge mosquito. In addition, I am happy whenever I can cuddle up to you and warm you. Two birds with one stone, " Castiel said, took the foam in his hand and then blew lightly on it. "Can't wait," Dean said and they looked at each other for a while, enjoyed the slowly dwindling warmth of the water and got out at some point when the water was way too cold before they put on new clothes and got into the soft red covers of the bed.

The night went about dreamless, pleasant for the back and the aching limbs and Castiel woke up the next day with a slight smile on his lips, because Dean had snuggled up to him and snored very softly on his chest. Castiel did not know why he woke up, but outside, the sun was slowly rising and he enjoyed the sight of the other man for a moment, who was lying there so close to him that nothing could fit between them.

Dean looked so peaceful, so relaxed and without worries that Castiel would have liked to keep this moment forever. Castiel was concerned about what would happen if they did not find Mary or if they just found out that they were following the trail of a dead person. How would Dean handle it? Would he continue as before? Or would he be angry and disappointed at Castiel that he had awakened this hope in him? Would he help Castiel to find Nate and did Castiel even want that anymore? Actually, he was feeling very well at the moment, but the question of what exactly Nate had wanted from him was still burning somewhere in the back of his mind.

Before he could sink further into self-doubt and moral concerns, Dean stirred a little in his arms and Castiel noticed that Dean had watched him for a moment. "What are you thinking about?", Dean wanted to know and Castiel, who did not want to talk about his concerns at that very moment, lied a little, although everything he said was not a lie, "About the beautiful man in my arms." Dean blushed a little and Castiel noticed that this clean, relaxed face with the light blush was sprinkled with fine freckles around Dean's nose and cheeks for the first time.

“As nice as I find this situation here, nature and the urge to do our jobs in this city are calling me. Since I was on the road with Nate, I'm no longer a fan of narrow cities, but rather for the expanse. Security is all well and good, but freedom is important to me. Diamond City was just a phase that I endured, actually I always felt free and good on the trips with Dad," Dean explained, then pushed himself off the bed and Castiel and slowly walked towards the bathroom.

After the two had freshened up for the day and somehow knocked Sam out of his room, the three of them went downstairs to the bar or lobby, depending on which angle you looked at the room. This time, Kurt was at the reception again, and he wasn't wearing sunglasses either and looked much friendlier than last night. "Time for breakfast," Dean said and Kurt nodded, but then raised his index finger and interrupted what Dean wanted to add. "Actually yes, but there is someone who would like to speak to you."

"To us?", Sam asked and frowned while Castiel and Dean crossed their arms. "Specifically, he said he would like to speak to _Dean_ , but I think it would be better if the three of you went to him. He can be quite…scary.” “Do I look like I'm afraid of someone?”, Dean asked, propping his arms menacingly in front of Kurt on the table. He jerked back a little, then shook his head, but added, "You really should go."

He pointed to a corner of the bar, which despite the lights on, looked dark for the morning hours. The room was empty, except for the one man who the three hadn't even noticed, although Dean usually sensed any danger immediately. He was quite tall even when seated, with dark, smooth hair and a pointed but strangely sympathetic face. When their eyes met, the man grinned and quickly got up and Castiel noticed how Dean inevitably tensed and all the calm and satisfaction of waking up together in the morning had given way in his face and body language. "Dean Winchester," the man said, and Dean stiffened a little more. "Dick."


	28. An Old Acquaintance

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Enjoy the new chapter! 
> 
> Warnings: Dick Roman being an asshole

Castiel was confused that Dean insulted someone directly when they first met, because normally he wasn't that rude, but the next words from the man in the corner let Castiel understand that Dean hadn't insulted him at all, although he probably would have liked to as Castiel could see from Dean’s posture. "I thought I would never see you again after my faux pas back then and dearest Sam also said you had left Diamond City."

"I have left Diamond City and I had no intention of ever seeing you again, Dick Roman.", Dean spat and glared at him angrily, flanked by an equally dark-looking Sam and a still-a-little-confused Castiel. At least, he knew that Dick was someone from Dean's old life, but he could not shake the feeling that he hadn't quite understood the essence of the story. That changed with the next sentence that Dick began, "Darling, I would have thought you'd give me the chance to apologize, but you were just gone."

 _Is that Dean's ex-boyfriend?_ Of course, he had charisma, but he also had an incredibly greasy manner about himself that Castiel didn't like at all and he inevitably compared himself to the other man. They were both about the same size, but Dick Roman was a lot narrower, but still didn't look too thin. He was wearing a black pinstripe suit and had a small hat on the table behind him. There was something dominant, selfish about his gaze, in which there was the certainty that he was the best man of all time. They both had dark, almost black hair and Castiel could not help but notice that he himself apparently fit Dean's type perfectly. It was only this smug smile that made the man unlikable when he added, “Don't you want to introduce us? I know your brother, but I have not seen _this_ man yet. I thought I know all the people you hang out with. "

Dean immediately went into defense mode. “I don't _hang around_. In addition, it’s none of your damn business, with whom I spend my time and with whom not, prick.” “Ah, you have not lost your poisonous tongue, Dean,” Dick smiled and reached into his right jacket pocket, from which he pulled out a cigar. "Do you want one?" "I quit," Dean hissed and again Roman smiled as if he were the king of the world. "So, you quit it after all, in contrast to..." He looked briefly at Sam, then back to Dean. Castiel noticed that he had not yet given him a look, until the next moment when he let his eyes wander from top to bottom over Castiel's body, "Am I right in assuming that you share the bed with this wannabe? Oh Dean, you deserve better, he is way too old for you.” With that, Dick Roman lit the cigar and pulled on it with relish.

"You don't decide about my life anymore, Dick.", Dean snapped, and Dick raised his hands defensively. "Cas is so much better than you and above all, I can _trust_ him," Dean said, looked briefly at Castiel and there was so much pain in his eyes that Castiel would have loved to hug him right there. Dean repeated, “What do you want, Dick?” “Oh, I heard from my people that you were in town and I wanted to convince myself of that. I wanted to know how your life has been since you left me. Whether you went down the drain like I suspected. Apparently, I was right. "

“Dick, if I wanted to be insulted, I could get on the wrong side of any ghoul or mess with super mutants. _What do you want?_ “, Dean specified further, and Dick pointed to the chairs at the table, where he had previously sat. "It's still early, but as I know _you_ , we can talk about everything with a good drop of alcohol and a hearty breakfast, right Dean?" Castiel noticed how well Dick Roman seemed to know Dean, but Dean just shook his head. "Pass. But we’ll sit down. "

All men took their places at the table, Dick Roman on one side and Castiel, Dean and Sam on the other side, the three men sitting side by side, somewhat squeezed, and taking a close look at their counterpart. What did this man want from Dean other than make him feel like he was not worth anything? He did not get to the point quickly but waved to Kurt and ordered breakfast at his expense for everyone. "We have already paid for it," Sam simply said and Roman looked surprised. "You are no longer the _poor little boys_ that I saved from hunger?" "So, that is how you saw us?", Sam replied, and Dean added, "I always suspected you had pedophile tendencies, Dick."

Dick Roman rolled his eyes, drew on his cigar, and then claimed, “Without me you could never have built such a large trading network, Sam. And without me, my dear Dean, you would never have learned what it means to be loyal to one single man and how you can get enough missions to make ends meet.” “You weren't too strict about loyalty," Dean grumbled and let the crossed arms in front of his chest sink on his lap, where Castiel inconspicuously took his right hand in his and pressed it slightly, reassuringly.

" _How cute_ ," Dick snapped, who had noticed Castiel's small gesture and at that moment Kurt came with four plates, which he somehow balanced all at once and placed them on the table in front of the men. Castiel looked briefly at the plate, but he had lost his appetite, too. Dick devotedly began to eat his breakfast with relish and seemed to pay attention to a certain etiquette. “So, Cas… does he fuck you well? He has learned everything he can from me, I can assure you..."

Dean knocked his right fist on the table. " _What the fuck do you want, Dick?_ " He repeated in a strained voice and again, Dick rolled his eyes. “Still the same rough character. I can't handle that well, Dean, darling, you know that,“ he said, smiling smugly and cutting a piece of meat on the plate. "We're leaving," Dean decided and was about to get up, but Dick lifted his index finger and pointed to the chair with such a serious look that Castiel's blood froze in his veins. "Stay seated." "Then get down to business."

"I can give you everything you need," Dick explained and looked briefly at Sam, then he added, "I can give you everything you _all_ need. For example, I know you need a map. I rule this city and can easily get you a map." He looked only at Dean again and then said, "If you do what I want from you, I will not stand in your way. I give you a mission, you carry it out and you can leave my city with the things you need. If you decide against it, I'll make sure you can't buy _one thing_ in New New York City. Your decision.” Dick pulled on his cigar first, then exhaled the blue-gray smoke in the direction of the other men and just a moment later popped some of the breakfast into his mouth.

"I won't work for you," Dean said firmly and clearly shook his head. Sam interjected quietly, “Just listen to the mission first. We need the supplies." Dean looked a little confused at his brother, who he probably thought would have his back and then looked briefly at Castiel, who tried to signal with his looks that it was Dean's decision how to deal with the offer would. "What do you want, Dick?" Dean repeated once more and took a deep breath, as if he had to calm himself down.

"You're supposed to kill someone for me or what did you expect?" Dick said, putting the fork in his mouth again. "I don't know what else I can ask of you when you've obviously found someone else who _fills the void in you_." He glanced at Castiel briefly, who glared at him angrily and then turned back to the food, grinning. "Obviously, all you can do is kill people and fuck around."

“Whom shall I kill for you? Whom can you not kill _yourself_? I want to know if it's worth it," spat Dean at the man, who just passed the napkin over his lips and then put it back on the table next to the plate. "Of course, it's worth doing jobs for me, it's always worth it," said Dick smugly and let his gaze wander over the men again. “His name is Alistair, and he resides near the _Temple of the Children of the Atom_ as far as I know. He changes his location frequently, so you may have to look for him. "

"What did he do to you?", Dean asked. "Nothing yet. I may have interfered in his affairs a couple of times. I guess I'm on his death list and have no plans to die anytime soon," Dick smiled and clasped his hands. “So, are we getting into business? I'll make you a good offer, I can promise you that.” “Alastair, you say?”, Dean repeated, and Dick nodded in confirmation. Dean looked like he was thinking for a moment, then stood up and shook his head resolutely.

“If this Alastair has you on his death list, then I can sit back and relax. I don't need your immoral offer; we can do just fine without your help and without your people. If you think I would get my hands dirty for you ever again in my life, then you're on the wrong track, " Dean said loud and clear and then walked from the table, whereupon Castiel and Sam got up and followed him. “You might be able to do just fine without my help. That’s what you think now. That will change quickly. Stay as long as you want, maybe your mind will change. I can wait, others cannot. You are welcome to stay here and fill your bellies, but outside of this hotel they won't even lift a finger…, "Dick called after them, but Dean went with such quick steps and up the stairs to their rooms again that Castiel could only guess at the man's last words.

When they arrived at the two doors, Dean opened the one to the double room and indicated the other men to enter. He closed the door behind Castiel and Sam and then pulled his hair, annoyed. "I wasn't really keen to see him again," he stated, and his voice still sounded tenser than usual, but not quite as hard and unyielding as before. Then Dean turned directly to the others who had spread out in the room. "Should I do it?" Then he just looked at Castiel. “I promised you I wouldn't do it anymore, but we really need supplies. What do you say?"

“It would be good if we could get the supplies. And also a map, then we wouldn't be completely lost. But I don't want to send you to the glowing sea, Dean. We lost Dad there. It's just too dangerous and we cannot stay in town alone or accompany you. Castiel is neither ready for the city nor for the glowing sea," Sam pointed out and then added, "No offense, Cas." Cas already waved him away; he threw in," I'm not comfortable with this either, to let you go alone. The alternative would be that we leave the city and look for supplies elsewhere or go with what we have as far as possible from here on. "

“You are both right. And when I weigh both options against each other, then above all I don't want to disappoint you, Cas. Sam, of course, you're right about the supplies, but we still should have something for around ten days. We stay two more days because we paid for it and then we say goodbye to this city and good riddance. Agreed?“ Castiel nodded immediately, but noticed a slight reluctance in Sam, as if he would have liked to discuss more, but now gave in to reason.

"If I've made a mistake in the past, it was dating Dick Roman," Dean summed up their situation. Sam just shrugged his shoulders and then said, “Since we're stuck here now, I'll check on our horses and see if we can find one or the other dealer who doesn't let Dick Roman control him. Just stay here and do whatever you want to do…” Sam waved his hand and left the room.


	29. In Retrospect

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Happy Sunday :)
> 
> Warning: nsfw content, rougher language, mentions of past homophobic experiences

As soon as they were alone, Dean began to talk, even if Castiel hadn't asked him to. Rather, the black-haired was dying to distract Dean and he already had a pretty good idea how that would work. But he let Dean talk first and listened to him carefully.

“I met Dick Roman while I was working in a bar in Diamond City, clearing supplies. It was just down a side street and he offered to help me. We started talking and he told me about his shop and so I began to buy supplies for the bar and later also things for my everyday life from him. At some point, we had a drink together and ended up in bed. I was totally naive and still believed in something like real love, like mom and dad had. Somehow, we fit together back then, sexually and professionally, and that's how that turned into a relationship. "

Dean took a short breath as if he had to rearrange his thoughts, then continued, "Dick was incredibly exhausting. You know, I like to flirt and am loyal as fuck, but Dick was the most jealous person I have ever met. In retrospect, I could have guessed what was coming. He cheated on me with a woman. I didn't give him the chance to apologize because I would have given in to him. He and Sam were all I had back then. It wasn't all bad either, he had a lot of money and I had to work less. He also got me my first missions as a bounty hunter. In retrospect ... "

"In retrospect, hindsight is 20:20," Castiel finished the sentence for Dean and Dean nodded. “I didn't expect to see him again, even under these stupid circumstances. He's making my life difficult once again and I thought I had left him behind." "He's an absolute asshole, Dean. Don't waste more thought on him than necessary," Castiel suggested and Dean put his hands on the back of his head and stared at the ceiling.

“Cas, I _loved_ this man, I think. He was my first love and what became of it? Absolutely nothing.” “Means he's not worth your love at all,” Castiel decided and Dean looked at him steadfastly. "I don't know what I'm still worth." Castiel took a step towards him, took his wrists and lowered the arms off Dean's head. "You are worth everything, Dean. Don't let anyone tell you that you are worthless," he said firmly and then he overcame the distance to Dean and crashed his lips to those of the other man, who returned the surprising kiss; but it was not with full fervor.

"Dean...," Castiel interrupted the kiss and looked at Dean, who pursed his lips and avoided Castiel's gaze. “You are worth _everything_ to me, Dean. Dick Roman never deserved you if he’s making you feel so bad and worthless. You are not worthless. You made me a much braver person and showed me what it means to stand up for the family. Family don’t end in blood, Dean." "I feel like all my actions in the last few years have been in vain," Dean put in and Castiel shook his head almost angrily. “Don't you dare to think or say such a thing. The whole story with Nate was what brought peace into the wasteland in the first place. Without you, the world would not be what it is today, " Castiel said decidedly, took a hand from Dean's wrist and put it under his chin to move his head up a little so that he had to look at him. "You are better than _him_ , Dean."

This time, it was Dean who started the kiss and Castiel returned it greedily and hungry for more. He wanted to make sure that Dean could forget what he had experienced, that he could concentrate on other things and above all he wanted to wash these disgusting comments from Dick Roman out of his own mind. They had reminded Castiel of the homophobic people from 250 years ago and he knew that the only way to distract himself from these thoughts was the passion that was spreading between them.

When Dean wanted to set about freeing Castiel from his shirt, Castiel grabbed the younger man's short hair and pulled him back. "Am I too old for you?", he asked Dean with a rough and deep voice and he shook his head. "Answer me," Castiel added determined and Dean said loudly, "No, of course you're not too old. You're exactly right, Cas." Castiel pulled Dean closer to him again and entangled his lips in a passionate and demanding kiss, which then actually ended with Castiel standing there shirtless and loudly requiring from Dean, "Take off your clothes, Dean. I will show you how well _I fuck you,_ so that you forget about that dickhead. "

Dean did as he was told and got rid of his clothes faster than he was aware, so that he was almost torn from his feet by his pants, which made Castiel grin briefly took him out of his dominant and serious state of mind, but into which he was then forced back, knowing this was the best way to help Dean forget. " _Kneel_ ," he demanded from Dean who reacted almost immediately, kneeling naked on the floor and Castiel stroking his hair a few times carefully before he opened his pants and pulled out his hard-on to shove it into Dean’s mouth only seconds later; before he had assured himself that this was okay for Dean, too.

Old coping strategies aside, Castiel enjoyed this moment of dominance when Dean took care of his cock and took it deep into his mouth again and again, slid his tongue over it and carefully played with his balls with his right hand. "Am I better than that prick?", Castiel asked and concentrated heavily on not groaning loudly while speaking. Dean was working on him so well at the moment. "You are, Cas," Dean brought out when he broke away briefly from Castiel's length.

Castiel took advantage of this moment and asked, "Get up on the bed. I can give you more than that fool ever could." His voice had become a little darker and Dean obediently got up and sat on the bed, proudly presenting his erection. "On all fours," Castiel specified and Dean obeyed again with a small smile on his lips. Castiel, meanwhile, set about going to the backpacks to get the well-known _Crisco_ from, before he got rid of his pants and positioned himself behind Dean.

"Do you want to be fucked hard, Dean?", he asked in a hoarse voice and Dean nodded, but Castiel just shook his head bravely. “I can't hear you, Dean.” “Yes, Cas. I want it hard. I want to forget everything, I want to forget where we are, when we are, and I want to forget who I am. Please, Cas,“ Dean begged sounding almost desperate. Castiel opened the can, but spontaneously decided to try something new. Dean held out his incredibly firm ass towards him and it was a difficult decision and cost him a lot of willpower to resist and not immerse himself directly in it, but he wanted Dean to feel good.

He had read about it and heard Dean gasp in surprise when he grabbed his hips and when he touched the skin of his asshole with his tongue. He gently licked the sensitive skin and Dean writhed under him, reassuring Castiel, so that he grabbed him more tightly and slid his tongue more and more intensely over the area. "Cas," Dean moaned loudly and Castiel moved over the hole a couple of times before he grabbed the can with the lubricant and opened it clumsily. First, he generously spread the lube on the skin that was just pampered, and after that on his cock, then he asked, "Is it okay if I go in like this without prepping you before?"

"Not fragile," Dean just said and that was all Castiel needed as confirmation before he sank into Dean's moist, hot tightness. He gave Dean just a moment to get used to him, then he groaned loudly, "Am I _filling the void in you_ for good?", before Castiel began to move deeply and powerfully into Dean. It was so much tighter than the first time and Castiel had to concentrate not to come right on the spot. He grabbed Dean by the hips and pulled him closer, manhandled him in an _oh so sweet way_ that it almost seemed to drive Dean crazy according to the sounds he made with every thrust.

However, it was not enough for Castiel, he wanted to look at Dean, wanted to see how the man got consumed by lust under him and gave himself over to it to forget. "Turn around," he demanded when he had withdrawn from Dean with a soft plop, which brought an annoyed moan out of the younger man. Dean obeyed and Castiel did his best to sink back into the hot tightness as quickly as possible. He took Dean by the shoulders to press him back onto the mattress and continued with his demanding, violent thrusting while Dean looked for support on his forearms.

"Am I fucking you well, Dean?", Castiel asked with a rough voice and Dean nodded, which earned him a dirty look from Castiel. "Shall I put you over my knee, Dean? Answer me!”, Castiel almost shouted and Dean slightly grinned, then said, “Maybe I want you to carry out that threat one time, Cas. Yes, you are fucking me better than anyone ever has before." Castiel leaned down to Dean, kissed him very briefly and then focused on Dean’s left nipple, which he sucked on hard again and again while he pushed further into the younger one and always seemed to hit the sweet spot in him.

Dean held on to Castiel and searched for friction for his ignored cock, but Castiel could see in his eyes that this time, Dean didn't need more than the violent thrusts in him to come. So, he continued, already small beads of sweat on his forehead, until Dean suddenly began to moan violently and loudly and almost shivered as he spilled himself on his own stomach. Castiel was so thrilled by this scene that he didn't need long, thrusted into Dean a few more times, then withdrew from him and held his cock in his hand when he came on Dean's stomach and their seed mixed together. "Cas," Dean moaned, touched Castiel slightly on the cheek and pulled him down in a much gentler kiss this time, which Castiel was only too happy to grant him.

Castiel enjoyed the sight that presented itself to him for a moment. The completely destroyed, heavily breathing and sweating Dean, with a messed up hairstyle and a blissful smile on his lips, on whose stomach the remains of their fun and the distraction mixed, which Castiel then wiped away a few minutes later with one of the towels from the bathroom. He cleaned himself and Dean, then he went to their backpacks and took out two bottles of clean water, one of which he handed to the thanking Dean and he himself then enjoyed a few sips of it.

“Somehow, that was unexpected, Cas. I _really_ did create a monster, I would say. What you've done with your tongue...," enthused Dean and let his head fall back on the mattress when he had drunk a little water. “Was that new for you?” “As if this son of a bitch was doing something like that. The sex was good, but not _that_ good, Cas,“ Dean praised and Castiel shook his head with a slight grin. "I like to be touched harder, to be manhandled a little," Dean grumbled satisfied. "And I like to be dominant," Castiel stated and Dean looked at him even more pleased. "Fits perfectly."

Castiel sat on the edge of the bed and changed the subject because he wanted to know something from Dean. "You were a smoker once?" Dean rolled his eyes. “Yes, for a few years. It helped me by in the confines of Diamond City, and as long as your boyfriend smokes, you won't necessarily be able to quit. When I was out and about with Nate, there was simply no more time for it. I'm glad that I left that behind," Dean explained and Castiel nodded. When Dean tried to move to get up, he grimaced. "Damn it, as much as I like being fucked harder, it has its downsides. My butt hurts. "


End file.
